Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@FMFL If he gave you his number .... did he give it you right before he disappeared? He might be the type to give number out and see who messages him.

@supercali77 no we swapped numbers on Friday. Ah well. As usual you’ve all made me feel a bit better about it so thank you.

Trigger warning: talking about fear of sexual violence and attack. A question for the men on the thread (but women's thoughts welcome too) - do most guys have "what if she's an axe murder?" thoughts about meeting or being alone with a new date? It has just occurred to me that a lot of the guys I've been on dates with have had a safety check in like I do (a mate texting to see if you're okay during the date that you're told them you're on) and/or have made a joke about "ooh I didn't know if you were going to turn out to be an axe murderer!" ... it hasn't really occurred to me until recently how physically vulnerable men might feel going on a date, too. I know I as a woman am on alert watching for signs he might be crazy and dangerous... and it still feels like we are the ones taking more of a safety risk than men, especially with the risk of rape or physical attack. It just didn't really occur to me until now that safety might be a fear men have too, although I can see it makes sense.

Marls sorry to hear about MrBig, but his loss. Sounds like you've dealt with him in the best way, but hope you're feeling ok.
Coffee no I've never worried about that, 1st dates have always been in public places.

@Coffeeandchocolate9. I've been OLD for 8 years on & off and have never told anyone who I was meeting or where. I'm a grown man of 52 so I feel that I can look after myself. Obviously different for women (should I be saying that in this age of PC & equality) and I have always had any 1st date in a pub or coffee shop where it is very public. I have to admit that I have gone back to their place afterwards on the odd occasion......and I have never thought to check them out on social media first - usually dont even have a surname at that point !

I live by the old rules that people are generally decent & trustworthy. I dont lie in my profiles & hope that they wouldnt do so either. I have met a couple of "fruitloops" but 95% have been what they said they are, so I don't feel that I am going to get murdered or attacked if I went back to their place.

welcome gleeful yes do push through and go!

About 4-5 weeks ago I had a great date with a guy I called Mr Tennis. I was very blah about it as the messaging had been a bit dull but I was trying to stop getting over attached to Mr Big so I went. We had such a good laugh. I didnt really fancy him but it was such a fun date. In fact during the date we got drunk and I told him I wasnt been fair as I had feels for someone else (Mr Big) he wished me luck and said to get in touch if it didnt work out. I messaged him last night and we are going for a few drinks tonight! I cannot see it been more than friends but he is local, fun and happy to be friends. I usually see Mr Big tonight as my kids are with their dad so I really need the distraction.

Loads of tinder and bumble matches but the messaging is so poor. The closest I have to a new iron said I "look grate"

Still feeling super sad and crying a fair bit. I keep wondering if I pushed too much with Mr Big but then I read in my book (Mr unavailable) and there is something about the hard work of trying to fill a bucket at an empty well and it kind of resonated

@Marl sorry but had to giggle at ‘grate’ so glad you’ve got someone to keep your mind off things a bit tonight.

And I ordered that book ‘Mr Unavailable’ and it arrived yesterday. I’ll be reading it tonight

coffee I don't worry about my physical safety anywhere near as much as perhaps I should.

I'm 6' 2", fairly fit, and can definitely look after myself (I'd say more but it's quite outing...). However, I do make sure the (very few!) first dates I've had are in a public place.

Men can (apparently) be raped, although I've never quite understood the mechanics of how that works - and I don't think I want to know...

Thank for the positive messages.

This guy Mr Smile ( huge happy grin) seems nice but I deffo dont fancy him and i think i am still heartbroken. That said sitting at home moping wont fix my heart so I am going on this date

Thing is gleeful you might fancy him in the flesh! I went on one date with a guy (cannot remember what I called him on here) he was gorgeous in pics and pretty hot in real life BUT he kept checking his eyebrows in a mirror and looked like he might have under eye concealer on and it made him really unattractive!

Mr Big was so so on pics and when I first met him I thought he was a bit blah looking BUT there was certainly something and I have spent the last 6 month madly attracted to him

Thats what I am telling myself!!
I am really struggling to motivate myself but I know I need to start meeting people again.

Date is at 4:30 so I will keep you all posted

@Marlboroandmalbec34 As a supporting role for 'Mr Unavailable' the postmalesyndrome blog is amazeballs. postmalesyndrome.com

I caved and WhatsApped Mr Casual. Kept it polite but cool; just asked if tomorrow was still on . If he’s married or in a relationship I hope his SO sees it

Had a message back ... his circumstances have changed. Since 8pm last night. Wanker 🤬

Lots of wankers about, unfortunately.

Wow this has hit me harder than I’d expected it to, actually.

Circumstances changed and profiles deleted quickly - so his wife found out 🤔 lucky escape FMFL

@FMFL Never ever take responsibility for someone else's flaking. Rule number 6 remember! People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Oh FMFL , keep your chin up. Remember it's not you and you had a lucky escape. Loads of good ones out there

Yup, he got caught FMFL - poor that he hadn’t the decency to tell you before you enquired, but at least he responded and didn’t just block you. Bullet dodged. I would now block him because he sounds like the type who would come crawling back when the wife had calmed down 😡

Strange that he gave his number out though. I mean,what's stopping a woman calling him out the blue. Or even going batshit and calling him loads. Second phone?

Oh FMFL its bloody hard going I know! Chin up lovely. More swiping!

Thanks supercali

So Mr Tennis is taking me to an open mic night at an underground cocktail bar tonight which I have never heard of but is on my doorstep and looks super cool. My mum has asked me to a comedy show on Friday and I am at a mini festival with my bestie on saturday so am starting to feel a bit better. Need to make plans for 2 weeks time when me and mr Big were supposed to spend the whole weekend

I think you've had a lucky escape there @FMFL, delete his chat/block and move on. I know similar happened with MrNHS but I think that's just bad luck - it says more about them than you. I'd feel worse being dropped after a date than just chatting without having met. People's circumstances do change - if he's multi dating he may have decided to give it a go with one particular iron (despite his claims that he's only after something casual). I know I've dropped someone (nicely) in favour of another iron, but it's the nature of OLD ime. Get some more irons on the go and meet quickly like tomorrow night quickly! Give Tinder and POF a try.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I could kick myself for telling you not to check up on MrBig at the weekend - your spidey senses were obviously picking something up. Addicted my arse.

@GleefulGlitch All of my irons (except 1) looked better in person than in their photos. Give it a go and good luck - what's the worst that could happen.

@Coffeeandchocolate9 Glad things have turned out OK and you managed a date after all - how is his mum now?

I've been looking at cute shepherd's huts for a few days away with MrC and the pups but however much I like them there's no way he's going to squeeze into one without banging his head constantly or having his knees bent in bed (which he hates). Looking at cottages now, but I can see it's going to morph into a week at his house with trips to beach His point is why go away when he lives in a great tourist place and we can just drive where we want to go for the day and have our home comforts when we come back. He has a point but I want to do a couples holiday - stamps feet! I also got my bum in my hand last night when I asked why we haven't got a single photo of us together and why was that - he couldn't answer and said it wasn't deliberate, but he doesn't do social media so taking photos is a bit alien (as evidenced by his Tinder pics which were crap) but for me it's about making me feel secure in our position as an "item" . He says we'll do one at the weekend though if I want to. To be fair, we do have some pics of us together, but nothing I could show my mum