Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Saw Mr 5in1 for a coffee date that turned into a meal today. Both incredibly horny for each other by the end 😳😂

Lovely coffee and good to know that he was being genuine with his issues re poorly mum over the W/e-your patience paid off!

And puta to echo others I would steer well clear of that guy!

Oh. My. God. Been chatting to Mr Casual lots, seemed keen to meet, very clear just casual but we seemed to be getting on and date arranged tomorrow. Just been on Bumble and he’s deleted his profile! So guessing that the date is off. I can’t even get one date with someone who just wants sec

Sex, obviously.

Thank you everyone. Echoing @marlboroandmalbec34, you truly are a lovely lot.

I have removed him from my Bumble queue but do have his number, although we have just spoken on Bumble. Do you think I should message just to ask if date is off? We have a time and venue...or do I just chalk this up to experience?

I had arranged a babysitter and everything 🤬. Aargh hate OLD!

@FMFL I'd text and ask if the date was still going ahead. If it's not I would probably have a few choice words about precious free time etc and how inconsiderate he was!

Hello everyone can I join?

Split with ex after 5 years. It was awful and I still dont know why it happened.

Decided to try dating again so joined Bumble last week.
I have a date after work today. He looks ok in his photos and is nice to chat to.
I am feeling a bit meh about the date but this is the first one since the split so I should go right?

FMFL I would message his number to breezily say you are looking forward to meeting him at time/venue.

gleeful welcome, and yes just push yourself to go - fortune favours the brave (see thread title). Good luck.

Thanks guys. I’m fuming just at the sheer ridiculousness of it. He has a few conversations on the go on Bumble, I know that, and he’s been very clear from the start that he doesn’t want a relationship so it’s unlikely he’s found his true love overnight, which basically leaves me scratching my head as to why he’d delete his profile. Surely just unmatch with me. I don’t want to message as I feel like I just need to move on with dignity, but perhaps dignity shouldn’t come at the expense of clarity here. I will message him breezily later .

Two dates, two no-shows. 100% failure rate to even get a date

That was me at first, too. I was even stood up. Ugh. Dating isn't easy.

@MoreNiceCereal how did you keep going? I’m struggling with self esteem right now; thinking what’s the point.

@shitwithsugaron we swapped numbers at the weekend but kept messaging on Bumble, so it’s unlikely he’s deleted his profile purely because of me (unless I’ve put him off women for life) I expect he didn’t even make a note of my number.

He even showed me a screenshot of the conversations he was involved in; so he’s binned off a few women here.

I took breaks. I also changed to OkCupid, which for some reason has worked the best for me. Luck, as well.

I'm not after a long term relationship, just fwb, which probably skews everything more in my favour. I had a lot of likes very quickly when I made it obvious on my profile - over 170 at one point. Idiots, mostly, but I found a couple if nice guys.

I think I’ll try a different site. Bumble isn’t working for me

@FMFL take a break if you need to. It requires a lot of mental energy just to juggle conversations, let alone get them to develop into something more.

The two men I've dated that have ended up as fwb - we met less than a week after matching. Within days, basically. I think meeting up quickly is really important.

@MoreNiceCereal yes. I think I’m going to have to get assertive and get dates sorted early doors. I’m spending too much time on no-hopers.

@FMFL that sounds weird that he's shown screenshots of conversations with other women - like an invasion of privacy. I would hate it even if a FWB did that to me. In fact when I had a fwb (in the 90s) we never discussed exclusivity, just that we didn't want to have a proper relationship with each other, and so never discussed other irons. Obviously I think it's ok to have casual sex or a fwb but you have to be really secure to be able to discuss other people they are seeing and I think most people just aren't (I wasn't).

Do you think he's married or just after an ego boost? Either way it isn't you. Don't let it affect your self-esteem. Rule 6.

@GleefulGlitch welcome. It's probably a good thing to feel a bit 'meh' as it can be anxiety inducing when you have high expectations. After a 20 year relationship I found I had forgotten how to flirt and make eye contact and it took a few dates to get there, I suspect I sat there like a statue on my first date. I hope it goes well.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I'm sorry Mr Big turned out to be such a gas lighting bastard. You'll find better and I'm confident will be on the smitten bench with the next one.