Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@putastrawunderbaby What do you mean by fallen out with everybody/complicated history?

@putastrawunderbaby just having fallen out with everyone in his life would make me very wary. My ex lost touch with all of his lifelong friends and isolated me at the same time - it's something I'm quite touchy about. I also have no interest in drama so if that seems to follow him around as well - nah. For myself, I would pass.

Waves @FMFL!

@FMFL you’ve got some catching up to do!

@SimonJT a child in care and one he's had a long court battle over. He seems to have fallen out with his siblings too. A lot of conflict in his life story.

My boundaries aren't always great because of abusive relationships but I'm learning!!! And checking in here helps!

Hmm. I'd be backing away slowly, myself.

@MoreNiceCereal yes I had that drama vibe, and then I thought perhaps I was judging too hastily. I try to be kind but I'm learning to be more cynical! Just a shame if he's a narc, as the eccentric great big bears of men who love history and paganism are a bit few and far between

Thanks coco

simon not had chance to listen to songs yet.

Messaged Mr Big and told him what he has done. He is very sorry he has hurt me, he is addicted apparently but wasn’t intending to meet anyone. Obvs that’s not good enough so I have told him it’s over. Waaaaah. Have some real personal shit to deal with over next few weeks so it’s gonna be even harder without him as my crutch but will pull big girl pants on. You guys have been so awesome today. Thank you 😘

Well done, Marl.

putastraw I would avoid anyone who had a child in care.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I know it can be an ego boost but addicted? Really?
Well done for being strong x

I’d better start from the beginning...

You've done well @marlboroandmalbec34

@putastrawunderbaby Avoid! My sister comes across as a lovely person who is just misfortunate, when in reality she used my son as an ashtray and a punch bag and much worse. You have to fail hugely for a child to be taken into care.

It’s a shame, but at least he told you those things straight away rather than it coming out in a few weeks.

@SimonJT thank you! Honestly my boundaries are improving but I still like to know I'm on the right track!

2 years into OLD now and no closer to finding Mr Right. It's hard to imagine there's anyone out there for me!

OMG Simon I had wondered about your back story but didn’t want to pry. Your poor son, bout how lucky he is to have you as his dad.

You do come across as a lovely man @SimonJT

marl so sorry to hear about Mr Big. Reading through this thread it sounded like you were tempted to check out his profile so your gut was telling you something. Doesn't make it easier to deal with though.

I miss Mr S still but I'm getting through it. Xx

Well done @Marlboroandmalbec34

@simonjt gosh what a difference you've made to your son's life.

Any cat fans on here? Have a read of this thread. It's very funny

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_litter_tray/3564597-Next-doors-thug-cat

Oh crap. Child in care/no friends or family/professional victim?? Sounds like a narcissist to me. As someone currently divorcing a narcissist I would be very wary and head to the nearest exit. Unless you have an abundance of energy to pour down the drain and self esteem you would like to destroy. Argh!!!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I’m so sorry to hear Mr Big turned out to be such a shit.

Thank you all again. What a lovely lovely gang you are xx

I totally agree with everyone @putastrawunderbaby. That is very unlikely to simply be a series of unfortunate events. Individually they’re potentially worrying (child in care, long court cases, fallen out with everyone) but collectively it does look like there’s s common denominator. I’d be very wary.

I’m glad you messaged MrBig @Marlboroandmalbec34. His addiction excuse just isn’t good enough (and you know it). We are here for you if you need a (virtual) shoulder to lean on over the next few weeks. I’m also happy to receive PMs for stuff you might not want to post publicly.