Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Mr SAS has style! I'm talking primark's Jean's falling down at the back and hugh t shirts a size too big. Poor man,he needs a good woman!

I think if you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. I can understand your reservations about his lack of plans for independent living (I could not imagine for an instant having to move back in with my mother, and if I did I’d be making escape plans immediately).

Also, thinking someone looks scruffy is going to grate. If you feel like this about the way he dresses now, then it’s likely to only get worse. I agree that everyone should take people as they find them, but in the sense that one shouldn’t be trying to change anyone rather than you should overlook your own feelings and preferences.

On scruffy jeans and trainers, I guess it depends what you mean by scruffy. My idea of scruffy may be very different to yours (personally I like a man in trainers and would prefer that to shoes generally). But the thing is, you’re not wrong to not like a particular way of dressing. If you’re going to have a relationship with someone, you can’t have any feelings of embarrassment about his they look (or it’s doomed).

Oh. Ill fitting and crap looking clothes are not good.

MrSG is mostly a T-shirts, jeans and trainers kind of guy. But we’re talking well fitting jeans and T-shirts (albeit with old and faded vans, which I really like).

You have to be happy to be seen in public with someone as a bare minimum. That might sound shallow, but it really matters.

Mr SAS has a lot of things...including commitment issues!

In all honesty, a break now and again really helps me when I'm becoming disillusioned and/or angry with it all. I am 'on a break' now (just keeping Mr SAS on the scene).

Nd yes, I second ill fitting clothes. I think too big clothes can look as bad as too small clothes!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 that is shit.
So sorry.
It’s my biggest worry with this OLD stuff as there’s always someone else just a swipe away.
So glad you found out though - and deffo get swiping yourself and find someone way better...

Are you sure the MrDadbod thing is commitment issues, @kerkyra? It sounds a bit like you might just be realising that he’s not quite right for you. That happens, sometimes even when someone seems pretty great at first.

Incidentally, the ill fitting jeans and T-shirts look must be particularly unflattering to the dadbod physique. Those of us with a bit of a mumtum going on (looks down at stomach 😞) all know that well fitting, flattering clothes make a huge difference.

Mr TDB wears silly t-shirts and jeans most of the time, he tells me. On our dates he has worn shirts rolled up at the sleeves which is a bit rawr for me. So he continues to wear that around me.

I sent a txt last night saying I was free for a drink at the end of a week if he fancied and we could chat and go from there. He didnt reply,nor send a good morning txt today. So I am thinking just leave it until I hear from him,if i do.
And I would go for the drink,as we got on well as there was a connection. But just not relationship. Will see what happens

Had a lovely time with MrTri at the weekend. We went to a local music event, had too much to drink, bumped into lots of my friends and jay generally had a chilled evening, then first sleepover at his
Sunday we went on a bike ride as I need to actually get some miles in before this damn triathlon. He was so sweet, going really slowly and making sure I was ok. Tonight we are swimming, where he will have to exhibit even more patience as I absolutely cannot swim and breathe and he is a competitive swimmer....
Usually I can’t bear people being nice to me as I am so used to 2 x exes being horrible all the time, but I am desperately trying to go with the flow with this one and not push him away. Plus we’ve just booked flights and accommodation to Portugal’s triathlon so we are kind of tied til September anyway

Off to my last ever primary sports day,sob.
Oh,I love trainers on a man. Nice Jean's and white t shirt or polo top.
Joggers on a slob day too.

Lots of farmers round here with checked shirts and flat caps! Not so much into that haha

@MoreNiceCereal shirt sleeves rolled up to show off the firearms really does it for me too. I love it when MrSG has worn a (usually casual) shirt to work and turns up at my house with his sleeves rolled up. Apparently he can’t quite understand what I find particularly attractive about that.

@kerkyra Take loads of tissues. This time last year I was a tearful mess at all DS2’s end of first school events. At one point I was sitting with some mums and we were all making each other worse. (And then I looked over at my ex whose eyes were completely dry because he has the emotional range of a roomba).

I’m glad it’s going well with MrTri, @Savoretti. It’s exciting that you’ve booked for Portugal. Last summer I took a short block of swimming lessons so I could learn to breathe properly in front crawl. It only took me a few weeks and I can swim much better now and it definitely feels much better to be able to breathe effectively. DS2 is a competitive swimmer, so I was feeling embarrassed by his much better he swims than I do. And it meant that I could (at the time) swim effectively while he trained. And not embarrass him with my crap swimming. Sadly there is never any public swimming on during his many hours of training now.

End of primary stuff going on for me and my son this week too 😭

💐, gin and tissues to all coming to the end of primary school. End of secondary school for final DD was the best day of my life, but my heart was breaking at the end of primary 😭

thank you lovelies for all your support. I am sat at work but cannot bring myself to tell anyone why I am down. It sounds so childish. 4th message received today but not acknowledging that he might have done wrong or that I might be upset. Just hope your day is going well type stuff. Its so hard to just ignore. Should I spell it out to him? There is nothing he can say to put it right but after 6 months just ghosting feels so hard and I kind of want to say my piece. Please advise I promise I will listen this time!

I think a clear message stating your position and making it clear that there’s no way back from it may be the way to go here.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. These things are really crap. 💐 I can understand why you don’t want to tell anyone. It took me weeks to tell people when I split up with my ex. I just couldn’t face the conversations.

Oh, yeah. And I namechanged. I’m now a mythical character rather than a type of sea creature.

If he's not getting that he's done anything wrong @Marlboroandmalbec34 then I would send a message explaining why you are upset and make it clear that it's over (if that's what you want, which it should be but hey, who am I to offer advice).

I didn't realise it had been 6 months...that's super shitty of him.

It’s not what I want sunshine as awful as it sounds I wish I hadn’t seen. Or I wish he had never suggested exclusivity. We had so much fun planned over next few weeks and I have some real shit going on with stbxh so was looking forward to the distraction.
BUT how do I go back to FWB without been a complete doormat!
I think I will spell it out for him later and then I will block

Thanks shitwith you are right. It’s the gaslighting that has really hurt.

I don't think you owe him anything, marl. But if you want to, a no bullshit no punches pulled message then block would get a thumbs up from me.

I'll miss reading sentences like "he would write Mr X loves Crustaceans on my whiteboard" ... It has been tickling me ever since I read it!

Ah but WooMaWang sounds like a toddler trying to say boomerang.