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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

No invite for me ...should I be upset?

136 replies

ortr · 13/07/2019 08:38

I was introduced to a woman through a friend (I'm female ) we kissed.
Then she started inviting me to do things with them (the 4 of us including our mutual friend )
We started to sleep together.
Then we've been out on a few dates just me and her.
We text daily a lot.
Today she is going out with her friend (who is part of the group when we go out ) and she hasn't invited me.
I feel a bit sad but it's her friend she's going with and I'm kind of not her friend am I ?
It's a odd situation isn't it.
I don't know.

OP posts:
crustycrab · 13/07/2019 16:46

Can you see what everyone is saying to you? YABVVVU

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 16:49

Maybe I am being unreasonable then.
I just thought I had made some new friends.
I only have a few and it was nice to be part of a group.

OP posts:
SolsticeBabyMaybe · 13/07/2019 16:52

I definitely don't think it's weird not inviting you. It would be odd if she invited you to literally every social meet up she had

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 13/07/2019 16:55

If you want the relationship to progress, ask her on a date - just her.

It's a bit messy/complicated to try and date someone and join their friendship group at the same time.

MyNewBearTotoro · 13/07/2019 17:02

Just because they didn’t invite you out this one time doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, specifically didn’t want you there or that you’re not able to be part of the group.

Maybe this was something organised ages ago before you really knew each other. Maybe she knew if you were there she’d want/ need to give you all of her attention and wanted some time to focus on her other friends. Maybe the day out was organised by someone else and she didn’t feel she could invite someone else along and change the dynamic. Maybe as you’ve been unwell she didn’t think you’d be up for it. Maybe it just didn’t occur to her you would be reading so much into this or have a problem with not being invited.

You’re overthinking and catastrophising by immediately jumping to the conclusion you weren’t invited because they have a problem with you rather than for any other reason. It sounds like you’re just looking for a reason to feel sorry for yourself and turn this into a pity party (‘poor me all alone with nothing to do but look at her snapchat whilst she’s having fun.’)

You sound overinvested and maybe the best thing for both of you would be for you to step back from this and first focus on being happy without her rather than putting all of the responsibility for how your day is going on her.

FriarTuck · 13/07/2019 17:12

I just thought I had made some new friends.
You probably have, but that doesn't mean you'll be invited out every time with them. Friendships don't work that way.

altiara · 13/07/2019 18:07

Sounds like someone else planned the event, and could have been ticketed.
I wouldn’t go ask if the person I’m dating could come along, I know you said you were becoming friendly with some of the group, but that doesn’t mean you have to be invited especially as there were others there you didn’t know.

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 18:30

Well whatever the reason it's done now so just have to forget about it.

OP posts:
amiapropermum · 13/07/2019 18:48

Are you the same poster who was upset about her not-quite-girlfriend sleeping in a friend's/ exes bed? Sorry if I have it wrong but I think your attitude is going to prevent things developing naturally. If you're the same poster then I don't think you're on the same page about where it's going

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 18:52

Yeah I am
I don't know where it's going
She gives that many mixed messages

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 13/07/2019 18:53

Right now I know which poster you are, you've been going on about this situation for yonks now

I'd just leave this, it shouldn't be causing this much drama and I think you're acting like a spoilt brat over not being invited

amiapropermum · 13/07/2019 18:54

Based on this thread alone it seems like you are massively overthinking. I guess you haven't had the conversation about where this is going yet? It sounds like you both have different paces and possible different destinations in mind

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 18:57

All I want to do is date her and see what comes of it.

OP posts:
amiapropermum · 13/07/2019 18:58

It doesn't seem to be healthy for you

SparklyMagpie · 13/07/2019 19:00

Yes but as I've said before, look at how you're reacting to her being out! You realise how many other times and occasions you will NOT be there and you're going to massively over-react every time?!

This is not healthy for anyone

PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 13/07/2019 19:02

Why do you have to be invited every single time? Confused

You're sounding quite clingy. Maybe shes realised you're a but too dull on and wants to see some if her friends without you, maybe even to gauge your reaction... which if it's like this may well be a put off.

Do you invite her every single time you see every friend? That's just weird. There such a thing as too much if each other.

Frankola · 13/07/2019 19:12
  1. She doesn't have to invite you out with her friends every time they go out just because you've met them too.
  1. She is out with her mates. Theres no reason to be texting you all day.
  1. You seem very invested in this given you're not apparently serious etc. Maybe you should take a step back to relax a little.
Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 19:25

With not seeing her in 12-13 days I thought she would have wanted to see me.

OP posts:
PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 13/07/2019 19:34

In that case, OP.
I think your clingyness has already done the damage.

Leave her alone. If she comes to you then great ahead still interested. But you might be being annoying without realised she is trying to pie you off.

Singlenotsingle · 13/07/2019 19:49

You're FWB aren't you? That means no commitment, no exclusivity, no loyalty, on either side. Not my idea of the way to go, but each to their own. Whatever makes you happy...

SparklyMagpie · 13/07/2019 19:50

I give up, you just keep repeating the same thing and not only is it annoying, its tiresome . I don't know what you expect anyone to do?

So good luck OP but I have a very big feeling we'll be seeing more threads about this which I shall avoid

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 20:35

When /if she texts tomorrow would you even bother to reply?
Or shall I just not even text her back?

OP posts:
amiapropermum · 13/07/2019 21:02

Be a grown up about this. Tell her what you want, ask her where she sees this going. Walk away if it's not what you want. Don't play games to try to get the reaction you'd like

Sweetpearose · 13/07/2019 21:07

Why are you even thinking like that?! If you find her confusing then stop second guessing and going on and on about it, and just ask her what her intentions are!

SparklyMagpie · 13/07/2019 21:11

Exactly what @amiapropermum has said

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