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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

No invite for me ...should I be upset?

136 replies

ortr · 13/07/2019 08:38

I was introduced to a woman through a friend (I'm female ) we kissed.
Then she started inviting me to do things with them (the 4 of us including our mutual friend )
We started to sleep together.
Then we've been out on a few dates just me and her.
We text daily a lot.
Today she is going out with her friend (who is part of the group when we go out ) and she hasn't invited me.
I feel a bit sad but it's her friend she's going with and I'm kind of not her friend am I ?
It's a odd situation isn't it.
I don't know.

OP posts:
MyNewBearTotoro · 13/07/2019 15:39

Maybe it wasn’t her event to be inviting people to? If I arranged to go out with a group of friends I wouldn’t necessarily want them all to start inviting their partners. I also wouldn’t expect my partner to invite me to every single day or night out they went on, regardless of how many other people were going.

You are massively overthinking this and looking for problems where there aren’t any. It’s bordering on controlling to expect her not to be able to plan anything without you. To be honest if I was this girl and I got wind of how full on and clingy you were being I would be running a mile.

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 15:39

And no we aren't young
We are both 28

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 13/07/2019 15:44

Leave her alone.

Tell her you’re too demanding and controlling to be involved with someone then get yourself some help.

Redglitter · 13/07/2019 15:45

You're coming across as needy & actually quite pathetic

You had friends over last night & didn't invite her - perfectly normal

Shes out with some friends today, you havent been invited - it's no big deal

If you were in a new relationship with a man and he went out with his friends & didn't invite you would you be acting this way?? No you wouldnt

From everything you've said you are in a relationship with her. She doesn't have to invite you everywhere. Shes spent time with you without other people now shes spending time with them. You're not joined at the hip

You really need to get a grip

SparklyMagpie · 13/07/2019 15:46

"I'm not needy or clingy"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Well if that's not an understatement

SilverySurfer · 13/07/2019 15:53

I've never read anything so pathetic. You hardly know her, only been out a few times and as everyone who has responded to your thread has said SHE IS ENTITLED TO GO OUT WITH FRIENDS. You appear either unable or unwilling to read that message and take it on board. Not needy or clingy? Hah!

Do her a favour and end whatever it is between you because you will make her life a misery with your petulant expectations.

You're 28? I'm shocked, I figured 18 max.

Snog · 13/07/2019 15:53

OP this behaviour is very obsessive. Friends can go out with other friends and not invite you.

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 15:55

I've read everything everyone has said but she hasn't seen me for a while and today is a Social event with lots of people attending yet she couldn't invite me along.
That's what I'm struggling with.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/07/2019 15:57

Honestly, if this is real. You need to get a serious grip. Anyone you're in a relarionship with is allowed out with their friends without you.

Where you are mentally isn't ok. You're jealous and needy. And it's going to kill the relationship. No one, but no one, should be with anyone who is behaving as you Are. We are all allowed social lives without our partners. When you get to the stage of thinking they aren't allowed that, then you're in a very bad way.

Sweetpearose · 13/07/2019 16:00

You aren't even listening to what people are saying to you. You're just obsessing over social media and wallowing! Do you know what perhaps she didn't want you there? Get over it...maybe she wanted to chill out on her own with her friends!

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 16:01

@Bluntness100 that's the thing I'm not her partner.
We aren't a couple.
When we've been socialising in a group it's like a friends group.
Obviously we are a bit closer than friends but it's not like we are a couple.

OP posts:
Sweetpearose · 13/07/2019 16:01

You also ended the conversation by text with her by just saying 'have a good day'

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 16:02

I know clearly she didn't want me there
What I've just been trying to say is I don't know what I did wrong

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 13/07/2019 16:02

Yeah you're not even a couple, which makes this even more fucking weird !!

You're struggling with a lot more than her not inviting you

Sweetpearose · 13/07/2019 16:03

If you're THAT bothered then ask her.

Redglitter · 13/07/2019 16:06

I know clearly she didn't want me there
What I've just been trying to say is I don't know what I did wrong

Ffs you need to stop being so bloody dramatic. Shes not obliged to invite you every time she meets other people. Not being invited doesn't mean you've 'done something wrong' it just means you weren't invited.

Stop making such a bloody drama out of it.

You saw friends last night without her whats the difference. If you're anything like this in r/l no wonder she needs a break

fluffyblue · 13/07/2019 16:08

Not you again with your pathetic 'does she like me' threads, fgs

gottastopeatingchocolate · 13/07/2019 16:13

OP, if I am reading this right, you knew about this social event for a while and were fine with it, until your friends gave you their opinion, and now you can't think of anything else...?

What is it about these friends that has such a hold on you that you changed your feelings about this so dramatically? Can you see that they are potentially sabotaging a new relationship? Have THEY reacted any differently because this is your first same-sex relationship?

To me, there is something quite unhealthy in the way you are talking about this relationship (whether that is a friendship or a partnership or something in between). I would suggest that you disengage from Snapchat for the rest of the day, and busy yourself with things that you enjoy.

nocoolnamesleft · 13/07/2019 16:16

You met with friends last night without your maybe partner being there. Why are you allowed separate meetings with friends and she isn't? You're coming across as possessive, and hypocritical.

suze28 · 13/07/2019 16:20

You've said you've been poorly for the last 12 days, could barely get out of bed. Maybe she thought you were too poorly or just recovering to go. Or maybe she's enjoying time with friends.

Weezol · 13/07/2019 16:23

Doesn't that fact that the entire thread thinks you're being daft tell you anything?

Ribenaberriesgowoo82 · 13/07/2019 16:24

This is getting tedious now.

crustycrab · 13/07/2019 16:26

Why didn't she come round last night?

FriarTuck · 13/07/2019 16:32

What I've just been trying to say is I don't know what I did wrong
You haven't done anything wrong! She's just spending time with a different group of friends. As a PP said, maybe it was arranged by someone else, and maybe THEY didn't think to invite you. It doesn't matter if you've been out with some of that group before with her, it doesn't mean you automatically get to go with her and them every time. Do you go out with the friends you saw last night every time they go out? Of course not, they'll have their different lives. This girl is no different even though you've shagged. Her life interacts with yours but they're not completely the same and it wouldn't be healthy for them to be even if you'd been married 60 years. You need a certain amount of separateness. This is part of hers. Accept it as what it is - her seeing friends. It's NOT rejection.

Original poster
ortr · 13/07/2019 16:33

She had her kids last night.
She only has 1 night when she can have a sitter

OP posts:
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