Cheating.

[Michellepebbles86]

Ok, so I need help! I have no friends to talk to about this and it’s driving me crazy.

I suspect my fiance of 4 years is cheating on me. Again. We live together and have done for 3 years.

All the signs are there. I just can’t prove a thing and even if I did he would deny it. 2 years ago 2 desperate women found me on Facebook to tell me they were messaging and had slept with him. He denied both and still does to this day. I forgave him and moved on. Idiot I know!!! All was well until about 6 month ago.....

He keeps his phone on him constantly. Even if he wants to show me something on it he will screenshot it and message it me. He leaves the room to talk on it. It’s always on silent. Not enough to warrant a worry I know but here’s the rest..... when I ask to spend time together he’s always too busy. Too tired. But can go on his xbox all the time. Can make time to go meet his friends. He’s also stopped making any kind of effort with me not just with sex but cuddles, hugs, etc.

I was casually on BT site querying a bill and his mobile is on it. So I thought I’d check why the bill was so high in case he was ordering stuff. There’s a number that he’s ringing every day on his way home from work, on his way to work and throughout the day. It’s also being texted at times when I’m either still asleep in the morning or have gone to bed at night. Alarm bells right!?? Am I being paranoid? I haven’t spoken to him for three days because I don’t know how to feel. If I say something, he will deny it point blank. Also he has a knack of turning things around on me whenever I say I’m unhappy with something. So I just don’t. I can’t afford to leave him or kick him out right now. I feel so trapped with all this info, these feelings and what to do!!!

Nah, don't message her. Not unless you're very clear in your own mind how it's going to help you, and confident it will only make you feel better.

This is what I did to feel better. This is my ex's Oakleys. Make a great ash tray. I'm a 35 year old grown woman. I'm not sorry.

*i was unknowingly the other woman ONCE. A long time ago. I ditched him x

Don't text her. There's nothing she can say that will make you feel better.

God knows what lies he has told her.

@crankyassnoperope your picture really made me smile... I have raised my glass of ice cold wine to you! Glad your ashtray is a decent one 😏

Hope you're doing ok OP and can sleep tonight. I don't often post on threads like this but it touched a nerve and even I want to kick him in the balls for you. Onwards and upwards. Take time to get over this loser, you'll soon feel as light as a feather. Keep on keeping on 🌟

OP
you fucking rock
Don’t you EVER forget it

Good result op. Dont waste another minute on him.

Well done 💐

Michelle, gird yourself for whatever “sob story” he comes up with. If he tries to pin his despicable behavior on your mental health, shut him down.

If he had an issue with your relationship, he had a range of ethical choices to use to deal with it. Instead, he took the unethical route by withdrawing his affection and companionship, lying and cheating.

You are suffering, but stick to your guns. You and your children will benefit from your courage. You are a .

Just wanted to send you a hug. You are doing amazing and you have definitely made the right decision. He is an absolute loser and you are an awesome role model of a women that your children can look u to. Whatever excuse he gives you have done nothing wrong. Just ignore him. You are now going to have a future filled with happiness. Xxxx

Well done you. You've been amazing. On a practical level, get a claim in for Universal Credit. You can get an advance payment to tide you over until your first payment. One less thing to worry about.

The worst nights sleep ever. Just cried and cried. I’m more than done with it all the whole situation. I just want as far as away from him and it all as I can. Thankyou everyone. Today will be spent bagging up the rest of his shit and then I’ve nothing to tie him to me anymore. I’m also cancelling the car insurance because it’s in my name and I pay it out of my account.

Today reclaim your life. Plan to see friends tonight if you can. He's a cheat, you'd never be happy with him.

I bet he thinks he's so clever. What I'd pay to see his face when he sees his stuff all bagged up

Good riddance to bad trash x

I absolutely don't blame you for any of these feelings, but... if you cancel the car insurance, do please tell him you've done that. That could affect someone else if he has an accident. But also, he then gets to have the hassle of organising his own.

Why don't you just confront him with the concrete proof that he's a mardy arsehole who never makes time for you, never shows you any affection, has back-tracked on your shared plans for the future and is someone you definitely can't be wasting any more of your life on?

So much this. You dont need 'proof', the relationship simply isnt working for you. Fuck his dinner, go spend money on urself and get coffee!

I’ve told him it’s cancelled. It is to be. I have no income at all now and can’t pay my bills on Monday. I’m peteified I’ll now be kicked out of my home, I can’t even afford to put money on the electricity or pay my weekly bills. He hasn’t just ruined my life, he’s left a whole shit storm that I now have to face and I don’t know how I’m going to sort this. I’ve looked into claims but nothing can be done until Monday and that’s when the bills go out. I’m really up shit creek now.

Claim benefits now uc will give you an advance to cover your rent and some food

Can you telephone the bills companies and explain your situation?

All benefits lines are shut until Monday, I’ve looked and there’s nothing. I’m trying to sell some stuff I own to cover the rent next week but I don’t really have much to sell tbh. I really don’t know what to do now reality has hit me what a position I have put me and the kids in. I’m currently googling everything and anything to try and find help

Just to reassure you most companies are quite happy to help you with bills if you just explain the situation to them and be honest about when you are able to pay so I would try not to worry yourself too much about that and just make a list of who you need to ring and do it ASAP on Monday and you should feel a lot better after

Also sorry if you've already answered this but are they his children?

If so and actually morally in my opinion even if not he should really be accountable for some of the bills this month just until you get yourself sorted, this is obviously relying on him being a decent person though which clearly he isn't!

Right well first off what you need
To do is phone the bank and ask them to suspend this months direct debits
Get a universal credit claim in straight away, I will warn you that any other child tax and child benefit will be stopped immediately

Is there any chance a family member would be able to help you with this months rent ??
Could you get or increase an overdraft
I know it's not an ideal solution

As much as you're hurting you did the right thing OP, with dignity might I add not many people would have been so dignified about being shat on and hurt, he really is a fucking piece of work

Don't ever text her. We've (probably) all been tempted but it's not worth it.

Cancel all DDs S/Os that relate to him and then email him with a list of them so that he can't say you haven't told him

Foodbanks are your friend atm.

And on Monday you can get an emergency loan from the BA

I’ve cancelled the car insurance and will be cancelling his phone. I can’t get an overdraft sadly so that’s not an option. I’m going to make a list and ring everyone Monday morning. I text her, I text him. I told her exactly who I was and what a home wrecking bitch she was....she never replied but it felt good to know she knew about me. Immature - yes. I know that before anyone says. I’ve also text him a load of abuse. He’s text just now telling me like I said earlier......he slept in his car, he can’t go into work, he has no where to go. Like that’s my fault? You made the choice to do this the minute you sent that first text, rang her and met her. Man up.

So he's not even said sorry!! Fuck him. Another tick in the 'done the right thing' box

And well done with making a list as to who to talk to etc, really good idea. I bet they get this all the time, and will be very understanding