Cheating.

[Michellepebbles86]

Ok, so I need help! I have no friends to talk to about this and it’s driving me crazy.

I suspect my fiance of 4 years is cheating on me. Again. We live together and have done for 3 years.

All the signs are there. I just can’t prove a thing and even if I did he would deny it. 2 years ago 2 desperate women found me on Facebook to tell me they were messaging and had slept with him. He denied both and still does to this day. I forgave him and moved on. Idiot I know!!! All was well until about 6 month ago.....

He keeps his phone on him constantly. Even if he wants to show me something on it he will screenshot it and message it me. He leaves the room to talk on it. It’s always on silent. Not enough to warrant a worry I know but here’s the rest..... when I ask to spend time together he’s always too busy. Too tired. But can go on his xbox all the time. Can make time to go meet his friends. He’s also stopped making any kind of effort with me not just with sex but cuddles, hugs, etc.

I was casually on BT site querying a bill and his mobile is on it. So I thought I’d check why the bill was so high in case he was ordering stuff. There’s a number that he’s ringing every day on his way home from work, on his way to work and throughout the day. It’s also being texted at times when I’m either still asleep in the morning or have gone to bed at night. Alarm bells right!?? Am I being paranoid? I haven’t spoken to him for three days because I don’t know how to feel. If I say something, he will deny it point blank. Also he has a knack of turning things around on me whenever I say I’m unhappy with something. So I just don’t. I can’t afford to leave him or kick him out right now. I feel so trapped with all this info, these feelings and what to do!!!

Can't believe he just took the bag and went! You won't be able to probably but I'd keep him blocked!

Just wanted to say well done OP
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

Speaks volumes the fact he just left without even trying to justify himself the utter twat

Well done, just isn’t enough to find the guts to do what you just done. Knowing your gonna be struggling financially for a month or so.

He will be on the blower to her100%
I wonder if she’s married/partnered
Because why hasn’t he gone to her before now? Not that he’s gone to her

Women’s tuition you will want to know his moves! Who wouldn’t
Bt, unblock to see if texted etc

You know he’s gonna give it his all
Unless he can go to HERS
Time will tell, which is the hardest

What an utter bellend!

Knowing your gonna be struggling financially for a month or so.

Why would you say that 😂

Free the boobs, drink the wine and binge watch stranger things! Tomorrow will be hard and so will the next few months but for tonight just know that you’ve done the right thing. He’s a lying cheating scumbag, be proud of yourself for being strong enough to kick him the fuck out. That isn’t easy for anyone but for someone with BPD and the abandonment issues that go with it you’ve done so so well. I have BPD too, it sucks!

I just told my mum 😭😭 I’m 32 years d and needed her. I also checked that he has rang the hotel he works at so he has asked if he can stay there, not at hers. Makes me wonder if she is entirely single!! Bunch of fucking arseholes. Keep your fanny/dick in your pants for your OH not everyone else. I’m currently sat on the floor proper ugly crying

Someone that gets BPD yay!! It does suck. It sucks balls.

I’m now at the ‘lost’ stage. I don’t know what to do. I want to punch something. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to hug it out. I don’t know how to feel.

Pillows are good for punching. Get his off the bed and go for it !

There not right/wrong way, we’re all individuals and deal with it totally different
Angry, crying wanting to smack him
Give off to him. All completely normal

Baby steps

I’m 32 next month and I tell my mum literally everything. I also have a 16 year old! Spooky . There’s no shame on leaning on those who love you. With BPD it’s really hard to recognise feelings and emotions in others as well as yourself but I guarantee telling your mum and reaching out was the right thing to do. You’re going to need support. You’ve done so well over riding that abandonment instinct x

Well done OP xxx

I couldn't have coped as well as you today. Managing your emotions right now must be such damn hard work, but he will feed off that if you let him.
You don't need him, you've been amazing today, and that knob has proved he's capable of doing this over and over again.

She won't want him - not now he's essentially sofa surfing, single, no longer an exciting forbidden fruit. Christ, I'm bored of him!!

Have you made plans for the weekend?

My plans is - watch drag SOS, sleep, take daughter out somewhere tomorrow, ugly cry when she’s asleep, homework with her on Sunday, make a roast. Sleep. Then it’s monday.

I've just read the entire thread and I think you're fucking awesome OP. I've also got a diagnosis of BPD so I get it. Be kind to yourself, you've had an awful shock. You got this

Do I text her? She won’t answer me

Has he even tried to contact you ???

What would you say to her?

No don't text her if you know she won't answer stay dignified

Sounds like a weekend plan to me!

I wouldn't text her. Would make her feel more important than she is

I rang the OW and asked her how long she had been sleeping with my DH. she spluttered a bit and didn't know what to say. I called her a home wrecking where and told her she was welcome to him and all his baggage!
If it makes you feel better OP do it.
Well done for how you've handled this all so far. You're doing amazing

I didn’t want to read and run because it sounds like you need support. I have BPD too any I know how horrendous that is to live with. What you’ve done is hard for anyone, even without the disorder but for you to kick the bastard out and stand strong is absolutely amazing and you should be so proud of yourself. Please don’t torture yourself by trying to contact OW and reading anything they’ve said to each other. It’ll only prolong your distress. He’s an utter bellend. It’s going to be so tough but you CAN do this. You’ve got this far in life with BPD, children (and all they bring!) and a dick for a fiancé. So you can do anything you put your mind to! Wishing you a tonne of strength and future happiness .

*whore even! Damn autocorrect!

No don’t text, she might respond, she might not. If she does it’ll be vitriol fed by him, if she doesn’t it will be because he told her not to. I really hate to admit this but I was unknowingly the other woman. When his wife found out about me she got in contact with me. He begged me to lie, told me all sorts of awful things about her. I didn’t, I actually had an hour long conversation with her about him and was honest about it all but because I had believed he was a single man who loved me, every bit of me wanted to defend him. I wanted to lie for him. I didn’t, but I wanted to. She may lie for him which will just hurt you further. Your plan sounds amazing, I’m in awe of you! Just prepare yourself for his bullshit tomorrow xx