Cheating.

[Michellepebbles86]

Ok, so I need help! I have no friends to talk to about this and it’s driving me crazy.

I suspect my fiance of 4 years is cheating on me. Again. We live together and have done for 3 years.

All the signs are there. I just can’t prove a thing and even if I did he would deny it. 2 years ago 2 desperate women found me on Facebook to tell me they were messaging and had slept with him. He denied both and still does to this day. I forgave him and moved on. Idiot I know!!! All was well until about 6 month ago.....

He keeps his phone on him constantly. Even if he wants to show me something on it he will screenshot it and message it me. He leaves the room to talk on it. It’s always on silent. Not enough to warrant a worry I know but here’s the rest..... when I ask to spend time together he’s always too busy. Too tired. But can go on his xbox all the time. Can make time to go meet his friends. He’s also stopped making any kind of effort with me not just with sex but cuddles, hugs, etc.

I was casually on BT site querying a bill and his mobile is on it. So I thought I’d check why the bill was so high in case he was ordering stuff. There’s a number that he’s ringing every day on his way home from work, on his way to work and throughout the day. It’s also being texted at times when I’m either still asleep in the morning or have gone to bed at night. Alarm bells right!?? Am I being paranoid? I haven’t spoken to him for three days because I don’t know how to feel. If I say something, he will deny it point blank. Also he has a knack of turning things around on me whenever I say I’m unhappy with something. So I just don’t. I can’t afford to leave him or kick him out right now. I feel so trapped with all this info, these feelings and what to do!!!

Nope not even a sorry. Not even an offer to explain anything. Just woe is him. He will run back to mummy’s house now and I’m left to pick up the pieces here.

That's so frustrating. At least he's running back to Mum, whereas you are coping so so well.
God he sounds pathetic!

Do you know if the OW is in a relationship? I'd be tempted to tell her that you MIGHT tell her OH. It might not be today or tomorrow, could be Christmas Day, who knows when..... but you probably will. I am horrendously immature I realise, but I'd like her to feel 'the fear'.

He's cheating. And wow you are a braver woman than me to forgive cheating by two people already!! Get rid

Sorry just caught up!!! Well done you!! You've done the right thing

Op, UC is all online. You can start an application now and get the ball rolling.

PIP might also be an option with your health conditions.

Don't think about it in a negative way. Claim every penny you're entitled to.

You’ve absolutely done the right thing OP. You are so brave and although it all feels crap now, you’ll come out of this stronger and without that twat of an ex messing with your mental health. You can do so much better.

As for finances, once you’ve rang around on Monday you’ll feel better. It will be ok.

Currently sat on the beach trying to gather my thoughts. Turns out he actually stayed at hers last night. Kick in the teeth or what. There’s a lot of tears today already. I don’t think I’m strong enough to deal, I feel so lost. My best friend has left me and now I’m left to deal with all the crap.

How did you find out he stayed at hers and not in his car like he said? Hes lying constantly!!!!

Sorry OP. It'll get better. Whatever you do don't believe his bullshit when he comes running back.

Is the younger child you've got his? Sorry if I've missed that. If not, wipe him completely out of your life. Block him, bag his shit up, make plans

Oh that's a very sad thing to have to know. Did he tell you that? He's a vicious bastard.

I'm so sorry.

There must have been a relationship before now that you thought you'd never ever stop feeling pain from, your children's dad maybe? And everyone tells you it will get better and you just want them to shut up, because whilst you KNOW this, it doesn't help right now. If you've managed this before, you'll manage it again.

This man was not a nice man, this is quite clearly HIS issue because he's done it three times that you know of, he will do it to her, and then the one after her too.

You deserve better, and you'll be all the better without him. Your daughter will really respect you for this one day xx

He kinda admitted he was somewhere he shouldn’t be. Unless there’s another woman on top of the ones he already has on the go. Yeah, he’s gone. The child isn’t his. We have no ties. Once he gets the rest of his stuff I’m wiping him from my life, once and for all.

It's going to hurt but you have done the right thing, lose those tears and let then fall soon their will be no more tears.
Keep talking here even if it's about the washing up, just vent everyone is here by your side you just can't see us.
As for bills and rent they usually give you about 3 months before they can start legal stuff, but make sure you phone them and explain your situation and they will either give you longer or rearrange so you can miss a few payments and catch up later.

Don't give him this day op.

I can't imagine what you're going through. But try to put him out your mind just for today. Your daughter is a much better topic for your thoughts and attention (not saying you're ignoring her at all!)

It'll be a long, hard slog. You don't deserve to have today ruined just because he has the morals of primordial soup.

Make today the first of your new, free life. Happy memories with your daughter. Not sad or hurtful memories of him.

Today is a write off. I’ll do my plans tomorrow I think. I can’t give her my full attention and can’t guarentee I won’t break down. She deserves better than that so it’s a pj and movie day I think. He just text. “My actions have reactions for us both and I have so much I need to sort” WTF?! Boob bloody hoo mate. You may have lost your job because you’ve no where to stay around here properly but I’ve lost everything. My dad just rang with the whole “how much do you need” bless him.

Currently on online chat with admiral. I’ve explained the situation and the lack of funds to pay for the car. Just FaceTimed my daughter too and she told me to put some make up on as I look tired 😂😂

Oh cry me a river...he’s a cunt of the highest order. He has stuff to sort out? Like what, making this woman his side chick when he finds someone else to screw behind HER back? He’s a serial cheat and whether it works out with her or not, he’ll cheat and cheat again. You are better off without him my love.

A movie and pj day sounds good, how old is your youngest? She’ll love the time with you. You can put on love actually and have a good cry (that always gets me going) tonight. Crying is actually a really good healer.

As for the lists, maybe make a small to-do list in “notes” on your phone, then a paper list of people to contact tomorrow and on Monday make 2 essential calls (bank etc). Then on Tuesday make 3. You can do this! X

All that is ok. She'll just be happy to have you around.

Does she know what's happening? Your dad sounds lovely too. The gaslighting from him probably made you feel alone. You are definitely not!

Aw what a shame that he's suffering the consequences (not reactions, the fucking idiot!) of his own actions. To be brutally honest, I can't help but wish things only get worse for him!

It might not seem possible, but you've gained everything op. The hurt will fade and you'll be able to live the life you deserve.

But for just now, cry/rage/swear/rant/curse etc. as MUCH as you need to! There's no right or wrong way to react.

Pj and movie day sounds lovely! I hope the weather is nice where you are. A walk later might be nice too

She’s 8. She’s so sensitive but really mature so she will help me through this. I’ve sorted the car insurance today and I’ll make that list.

I’m going to grab a nice bath I think. Just lie there for a bit. Thankyou all for your kind words. I am so moved by the kindness of strangers!!

Don’t get into passing text between you(I know, and I do! It’s tempting to sound of to him)
But in the end
You just find out things, and that hurts you that bit more
The least said with him the better honestly

Kids are much more resilient and capable than we ever give them credit for, I think. I honestly believe your daughters memories of this will be of how strong you were and how you made her feel so loved and important.

Take all the time you want for yourself. It's very sad, but telling, how internet strangers are kinder to you than a member of your own 'family'. You are worth so much more.

What does he even mean!!! What an absolute birth hole!!!!!

Fucking self ritcheous prick
Apart from breaking your heart he might want to think about the shit show mess he has left you in, he only has himself to think of...you on the other hand have children
If I were you I'd dump the rest of his shit in the garden....or the bin, there is no need to converse with the low life any longer

It will all be fine in the end,
You are doing better than you realise
And you're dads a bloody star 🙌🏻🙌🏻

Try have a nice day OP 💖💖

Don't forget that you can tell the council you are now sole adult and get a reduction in council tax.

www.gingerbread.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Action-to-take-when-a-relationship-ends.pdf

Hope that helps xx

Thankyou. I’ve had a look at that and going to put some sort of plan in action when I can today.