Is he a good husband and family man

[mrbigstuff]

If he ONLY has sex with the other woman when he's away with work? No other commitment flowers gifts etc but pure no feelings involved sex when he's away?

Views please

I am shocked and so humiliated

He was never this man

He was never this man

This was always him. Now you see him.
You have the gift of sight, the gift of choice and the gift of one of the more generous divorce venues in the western world. Take this chap to school.

Hugs OP. Life has now changed unrecognisably, so you might as well take the steps to change it even more and throw him out

Good news that he's great with the children. They'll get some great bonding time EOW (seriously curtailing his shagging around opportunities) and you'll know they're in good hands.

He's just the stereotypical great bloke and all round nice person

No he's not, this is a persona and his Facebook page is the public persona.

I think you need to open your eyes to who this person really is OP, because from where I'm sitting he is one sly, controlling piece of work.

Fucking shocking.

So sorry. You don’t deserve it.

I guess it depends on what you want. Do you want a non monogamous relationship (sounds like it’s sided only), from your posts it doesn’t sound like you do. Why don’t you ask him how he’d feel react if you’d done the same and it was purely sex?

I’m afraid the chances of him doing it again are high. Collect your thoughts and think about your next steps. Is there any way you could have some space from him while you do this?

If you saw his Facebook page you would think he is so in love with me. And the kids. Wonderful hubby material.

He has been using you all as his ‘Perfect Husband/Family Man’ cover while he chases other women. He has arranged his life like a stage play, but being caught out has threatened his master plan.

This wouldn’t be his first or last time to cheat. How dare he minimize his betrayal by calling his double life an indiscretion and reassuring you that it was ‘just’ pure sex. How contemptuous.

He is no prize to be grateful for, and he is certainly not an amazing father. A good father does not betray his children’s mother and cause her to need an STI test.

Find your anger and tell him to leave. He needs a sharp consequence and you need space.

Tomorrow you need to get a solicitor and discuss yours and your children's' futures. Get the ball rolling. He chose to break up his family by leaving you at home with the kids 24/7 and not nurturing your relationship. He's an egotistical lying bastard. I hope you fleece him and he ends up alone in a grim apartment or living with his mother.

Sorry you are going thru this - you need to go to a STD clinic too. Sorry OP

Sort your life out. Nice clothes. Friends. A job. Fuck what he thinks about those.

Then your self-esteem will have been restored and you get divorced.

He can do 50:50 co-parenting.

Your relationship sounds transactional. He gets wifey at home & sex on the side, you get financial security. Fine if you can live like that and it won’t destroy you inside a tiny bit every day. Only you know how you are able and prepared to live.

Yes, he can do 50/50 parenting, only fair that you're afforded the same freedom he has so you can pursue your own interests, work and new relationships 👍

OP you can’t possible be this naive!!

Get shut of him, he’s playing you for a fool! Don’t fall for it!!

OP, I meant to add that you would benefit from individual counseling to help you express your feelings, boost your self-esteem, organize your thoughts, and make a plan while moving forward.

You were doing OK until 'sexy side chick'

Awww op i feel so sad for you o hope you are.doing ok
X

My husband cheated and I stayed because lots of small children and no job, like you.

Basically, we are like friends now. We don't have sex. I tried, but I'm just not into him that way any more because I can't trust him. However, it works out okay with the house and kids. I don't have any other family support, and I just wasn't sure I could cope on my own.

Maybe I should have left? I have friends who did leave and their lives are okay but not that great either?

Fact is, there's no redeeming it. You thought you had something that you didn't have. It's a major breech of trust. It's heart breaking. I'm sorry.

Its only okay if youve given your consent beforehand and youre completely happy with it! Which obviously youre not. You should consider talking about an open relationship or alternative arrangement. For me personally i think its only.fair if you are allowed to "cheat" aswell

How are you today @mrbigstuff

Speak to a solicitor and leave him
He's betrayed you

He has been using you all as his ‘Perfect Husband/Family Man’ cover while he chases other women. He has arranged his life like a stage play

This with bells on!!

I would say to end it but I know you won't. First you need your self esteem, financial independence and a social life of your own.

I think you know deep down this guy is a prize twat, don't focus on fixing the marriage focus on fixing you. Give yourself the strength to go it alone instead of clinging onto pretence.

I just feel like shit. He refuses to leave

Yes , you do feel like shit . You have done nothing wrong .
This has been a big shock for you.

You can vent on Mumsnet though.

I found it difficult to gauge your feelings from your posts but I think you were "numb" and still in shock from finding out .
Has he gone to work ?

These ones always refuse to leave.
The family court will eventually make him leave.

First you will need to hire a good solicitor, file for divorce, child arrangements and and financial matters.

Have you name changed for this ?
Are you new to Mumsnet?
You are very concise in your posts .