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Original poster

Would you date this man?

121 replies

OKMorty · 04/07/2019 15:56

He’s early 40s, longest relationship was in his 20s and then was the OM in his early 30s for 2 years.

Several flings since, the most recent with a 25 yo.

How many of these are red flags?

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/07/2019 15:57

No. He was an OM. He has no respect for the boundaries of a relationship.

Original poster
OKMorty · 04/07/2019 15:58

He says he deeply regrets it now. Affair was over 10 years ago.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 04/07/2019 15:59

25 YO - Nope!!!!!
I suppose it depends on how old you are.

Original poster
OKMorty · 04/07/2019 16:01

I’m early forties

OP posts:
WhateverName2 · 04/07/2019 16:02

Absolutely not

HollowTalk · 04/07/2019 16:03

25 year old? No way on this earth.

crappyday2018 · 04/07/2019 16:03

What are his good points? You need to give us the whole picture! Listing a load of negatives is gonna make everyone say NO.

Duchessgummybuns · 04/07/2019 16:05

I would be concerned that he is a man that doesn’t like to be tied down by a relationship, so while not red flags per se, those things would put me off pursuing a relationship more than a fling.

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 04/07/2019 16:12

People grow learn and change from their experiences, if you like him, date him and see how it goes.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/07/2019 16:22

I’d wonder why he was telling you about all his previous encounters tbh. Suspect he’s laying the groundwork so that when you are frustrated that he won’t show any sign of committing to you he can say “well you knew what I was like before you got with me”

forumdonkey · 04/07/2019 16:57

Commitment phobe and player and you'll never know where you stand, so I'd leave it before you get too involved.

CookieCheesecake · 04/07/2019 17:01

Nope

MashedSpud · 04/07/2019 17:04

No. Him being part of deceit for two years and him dating a twenty five year old would be off putting.

Piggle23 · 04/07/2019 18:26

This place is very harsh. People can mature over the years and grow but given he dated a 25 year old not long ago I'd say maybe leave it.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/07/2019 19:03

This place is very harsh.

Or maybe it’s the collective experience of countless women recognising the signs of men to avoid.

Piggle23 · 04/07/2019 19:06

People can grow and change. But if you want to tell everyone that people are just BAD and that's it go ahead.

JustHavingASadDay · 04/07/2019 19:12

Being an OM and dating a 25 yr old recently would be a no no for me.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/07/2019 19:16

But if you want to tell everyone that people are just BAD and that's it go ahead.

No-one so done that. OP gave us his relationship history and asked if, based on that, we would date him. People are entitled to say no, and explain why.

PicsInRed · 04/07/2019 19:18

The combination of being an OM for 2 fucking YEARS and dating a 25 year old in his 40s makes me suspect he has ego issues - he needs to be the "winner", to "beat" others, requires excessive levels of admiration and attention.

This one's single for a reason, sorry.

JulyJuly19 · 04/07/2019 19:23

I have dated a few men in their 40's (when I was younger) and trust me, there is ALWAYS a reason they never married. It took me years to work out what it was, to my detriment.

PicsInRed · 04/07/2019 19:26

And, yes, he's told you his relationship track record for a reason - the same reason Nigerian scammers put spelling mistakes in their emails - if you stick around after that information you're a good target for whatever he's got coming to you spoiler alert, it's not good stuff.

Youwantshoesinashoeshop · 04/07/2019 20:38

Fling with a 25 year old is not such a biggie for me.

The being the other man for 2 years in his 30s... hmm. Quite probably an issue. Had he been much much younger and was now a paragon of virtu, maybe.

You could always suck it and see.

Original poster
OKMorty · 04/07/2019 21:06

Thank you for all the responses! Ironically I was away from the thread as I was actually on a date with said man.

We’ve been on 4 dates so far. All of which ended up being amazing conversation about everything and nothing. Having just ended a sexless relationship, it is unbelievably intoxicating.

However the cautious voice in me is holding back from getting too involved too soon. Been burnt in the past and I wasn’t born yesterday.

He revealed all of the above on date 3. And the reason he told me was apparently that he was “falling in love” and wanted to be upfront about his past before I heard it from anyone else and got cold feet. We are from overlapping social circles so I can understand what he means.

For the record, he says he regrets the affair and wishes he could go back in time and tell his younger self his wrong it is.

OP posts:
JustHavingASadDay · 04/07/2019 21:16

And there's red flag number 3. Falling in love by the third date?

I must have very different boundaries to you - I wouldn't see that as a positive thing at all. That would put me right off!

MaeveDidIt · 04/07/2019 21:28

Oh yeah - falling in love by the third date. Come on OP he is playing you already to get in your knickers.