Would you date this man?

[OKMorty]

He’s early 40s, longest relationship was in his 20s and then was the OM in his early 30s for 2 years.

Several flings since, the most recent with a 25 yo.

How many of these are red flags?

Going against the grain here. Met my DH he was in his 40s I was a lot younger. He had quite an past. First year together was questionable. Then I just left him to it. he did a total 180 and changed his behaviour completely. We have been married 6 years this year with 2 DC. He is very embarrassed about "who he used to be". Distanced himself completely from a lot of his old gang and completely changed. So does happen !

OP just a bit of advice, your story sounds very very familiar to a guy I was dating.

Early 40's was so intoxicating, had an affair when he was younger and said all he had since then was flings with younger (much younger girls) around 25yr old I went on a few dates. We DTD. If was an amazing weekend away. But something always didn't add up for me. He told me a lot of similar things to this.

Anyway I ended up getting a messaging from a young girl on Instagram. She was his GF of 3 years. She was 21!!! I believe she found out about me and a few others. It ended after that I believe. But this man had told me horrific lies. I told him all about my prev relationships as he asked so much and made me feel comfortable telling him. He actually kissed me and said he was nothing like those men.

Turns out He was just like them.

Only if I was desperate

Falling in love third date spiel?
Nah.

Wanker

Ouch! But you may be right @AnyFucker

Yuck! 3rd date is he in high school???
Love bombing!

He is over sharing hoping that shows he's an honest straight talking trustworthy guy.
To me he sounds like a chatty creep.

If you can enjoy his company without being sucked into his dicksand, have fun otherwise run 🏃‍♀️

Sorry OP, I agree with the others. Falling in Love after 3 dates is the bigger red flag here.

Dicksand

You’re not very nice @AnyFucker. Despite my agreeing with your somewhat brutal but right on post earlier, I am a person with feelings and your last post is both insensitive and unkind. Maybe this is amusing to you. To me it is painful.

Don't waste any time on me, OKM

Save yourself from this specious twat

AF was laughing at a PPs joke, not you.

This guy is love bombing you and putting it on fast forward. Ok, you run in the same circles. But, really, you never know a man until you divorce marry him, so you only know his public persona. You have zero idea what he's like behind closed doors.

Yes of course I know AF was laughing at a PO’s joke.

It’s still insensitive. Or can’t you see that?

really, you never know a man until you divorce marry him

Although I actually agree with you here

'His younger self' lol, he was in his 30s, not a teenager and he clearly didn't regret the 2 years he was banging someone else's wife. Has he told you how this affair ended?

Yes Ginger. He was 29 when the affair started and 31 when it ended. He is now 42. So indeed it was his younger self. As a 41 yo woman I recognise that the 30 yo me is not the person I am today. I made, and continue to make, mistakes of varying degrees. And, hopefully learn from them. Are you saying there is a cut off point at teenage years where a person suddenly and automatically knows everything and doesn’t continue to make mistakes?

And if it makes a difference, he ended the affair after he started getting anxiety attacks and sought therapy.

he clearly didn't regret the 2 years he was banging someone else's wife

Where on earth did you come to this conclusion?

What is the point in you posting here if you are just going to bed over backwards to defend him anyway ?

I have dated a few men in their 40's (when I was younger) and trust me, there is ALWAYS a reason they never married Agree with this.

The OM and 25 year old would make me wary, the falling in love on date three would make me run.

That’s not what I’m doing Anyfucker. I’m giving, or at least trying to give/see, a balanced view.

Are you so narrow minded that in your world things are ieither black or white, right or wrong?

@OKMorty I said dicksand because I got so stuck that I now have his lo and feel a bloody fool.
You don't see it til your deep, because all the while your making good reasons for certain behaviour and enjoying the fun side and feeling like a person again and not someone's mum you get stuck.

FWIW, all of our mutual circle of friends think he is a really great guy.

That’s cool @peaceand and I actually know exactly what you mean! Been there too and hoping this isn’t that again

I don't think you're going to get a very balanced view on this board. As you can see, there a a few eternally cheesed off women waiting to repeat the same lines over and over again.

I think you may well be right @PouncerDarling

So, I you're asking this question you probably have good instincts. But you're drawn to him? It's a question of stakes. If you're not on a timer for a serious relationship, perhaps you can afford a fling and a medium sized heartbreak. If the stakes are high and you need to find The One you may need to be disciplined about it. (As a wise man recently told me: trust your head, because your heart will mess it up.)