Would you date this man?

[OKMorty]

He’s early 40s, longest relationship was in his 20s and then was the OM in his early 30s for 2 years.

Several flings since, the most recent with a 25 yo.

How many of these are red flags?

What were you looking for in the way of advice then?

If you read my OP and subsequent posts properly, I wasn’t seeking advice so much as opinions. Not that I’m not open to advice but it wasn’t the purpose of starting this thread.

People can either tell you what they think you should do or tell you what they did/would do in a similar situation.

The latter is generally regarded as being more empathic and useful.

I’m not sure what you are getting at. A poster relayed an experience they had which was not really similar to mine. The only thing in common was that they dated a younger woman. I personally don’t make the connection that all men who have ever dated a younger woman will cheat on you with one. That’s absurd!

Ok @OKMorty well I'm sorry you have assumed wrong.

Take care

What does OM mean?

Actually OP my earlier post was stating your guy sounded EXTREMELY like a guy you had dated and my concern was IT WAS the same guy.

But I've read your posts and you are extremely rude to people on here. Even my post you have just been rude about it.

I get that people are giving advice and you DO NOT want advice. Hence why I said "In this case loads of red flags, not a chance I would date this man!!
You don't want to hear this, there isn't much more we can do "

I personally think you have more red flags than him so are suited to each other.

@NavyBerry Other Man

I wouldn’t date him.

Anyone who can knowingly be part of an affair, even if they haven’t been the one that was married/partnered, has a moral compass that doesn’t match mine.

Infidelity is unacceptable to me - so dating a guy who admits to not only being involved with someone married, but being involved for two years is abhorrent. It demonstrates to me that their moral compass is skewed and if they treat fidelity and commitment so casually I’d worry they’d treat fidelity with me casually too.

So no, I might shag him but I certainly wouldn’t entertain any sort of relationship with him.

Nope.

Did he tell you about the 25 year old because he wanted to keep you on yr toes??

I dated two men over last decade and one said he thought a much younger woman had settled for him out of haste to start a family. He was 55 and she was 37 so it is plausible. He didnt communicate that to me 8n a boastful way. He felt bad for wasting 10 months of her life and wouldnt have ruled out another child but he wasnt going to be settled for.

Another man, an awful character but one lives and learns, he told me about the younger woman before me to make me feel i was lucky to have him. Until he wanted out. Then after lovebombing me he practically blocked me.

I think you're just being deliberately obtuse now for the purpose of being antagonistic.

You sound incredibly intense and hard work OP, go out with him for a few dates, enjoy his company, don’t have sex unless you are 100% happy that it is just casual, don’t over think it. Are you looking for a husband or just someone to enjoy going out for meals/cinema/whatever your dating habits are?

Someone who talked about their previous relationships on the third date also sounds hard work to me, like teenagers over analysing everything that he said/she said. But ignore me, thank goodness my dating days are 30 years ago & if I was single again I would be very happy with a glass of wine and a good book .

NavyBerry, OM = odious motherfucker.

OP, I'd go for it, he sounds like a catch.

op, can you try to find more info about him?

Depends what you want....do you reckon you're just out for a fling or are you wanting to/have you caught feelings?

If you're catching feelings or want more than a fling then all of it's a red flag.

Patchy short lived flings outside of his 20s apart from being OM. Relationship history is the biggest predictor of relationship future - that's just statistical fact sadly. No point assuming you'll be somehow different

Talking about falling in love on the 3rd date. He doesn't know you.Dont assume this is the first time hes done this

Intoxicating. Honestly red flag haha. I'm laughing because intoxication will have you overlooking shiz that in any other man youd be running like fury in the other direction. I get it. Sexless situation then someone putting in the love bombing and theres chemistry. But um, this one will probably break your heart if you fall for the patter

What his mates say isn't a perfect reflection of much sadly. A lot of people are good at the PR/sob story

No long term relationship since his twenties? Not a red flag. It just doesn’t gel for some people. I have decent mates who’ve gone 10 years without a serious relationship in the past.

Affair with married woman? Not good - grim in fact - but not a red flag unless it’s happened multiple times tbh. People make mistakes. She might have promised him all sorts, who knows. He might’ve made a bad choice in an upset state, following the end of his big relationship - possibly. We see these stories often enough on here, it’s complex sometimes.

Dating a 25 year old? Sleazy perhaps, but depends on circumstances (my friend dated a middle aged man at 25ish but they were intellectual and financial equals, she was no trophy, she just happened to be junior in age). Also, in the absence of a pattern (ageing saddo constantly sniffing around young woman) I wouldn’t be bothered about this.

Falling in love on date three? Red flag. Huge. Sorry. That bit makes him sound manipulative. The big reveal about his past is odd too, usually these things come out naturally in the fullness of time.

I would be wary.

No. He was an OM. He has no respect for the boundaries of a relationship.

He wasn't in a relationship.

No. He was an OM. He has no respect for the boundaries of a relationship.

He wasn't in a relationship

No, but she was and he knew that. I have been 'invited' to be the OW on many occasions and it's always made me lose respect for the man and bluntly shut them down.

They might not have integrity, but I do.

For an affair to happen, it requires two people to lack integrity.

Nah. To be honest. I've known a few male friends like this. They end up finally settling with the 25-year-old because surprise, surprise, they hit 50 and want to be a dad (oh joy!) and need a succulent womb to feast off of for that little segue into their midlife crisis.
They never want kids, never want kids, and never want kids (and that's great because you're on the same page! How wonderful!). And then suddenly, they want kids (out of nowhere!) and expect their 40something-year-old partner to pack up her desiccated uterus and compassionately move aside for Miss Young Ting and move on without a fuss. They're usually shitbags, these types. Your brief description of him gives me enough info, tbh.

Unless the guy's Pickle Rick, OP? Can he turn himself into a pickle?

And keep in mind, OP: YOU initially came on here with his negative points... solely negatives, no positives. So... there's that.

@CathScarlett so? He obviously knew the woman he was sleeping with was so, as far as I'm concerned that makes his morals pretty skewed.

Another 'no' vote.

Anyone declaring they're falling in love after three dates is either playing you or is flaky as fuck. Either are bad news for you, sorry.

If you're not already, I suggest joining in on the dating threads here - they'll have seen all the tricks and I'm sure like other support threads on here they'll have your back. Good luck.