Sponger with red flags?

[amylou1805]

We’ve been together for a few months now, he comes to mine because he still lives with his parents, I provide the food because I do a food shop (live alone) if we go to the shop for food for tea he’ll never offer to pay even though we’ve specifically gone to the shop for both of our teas, on numerous occasions if we’ve gone out anywhere he’ll have “forgotten his wallet” so I’ve had to pay. I don’t want him to buy me things, I’m independent, I enjoy paying for myself but am I being over the top thinking he should at least remember his wallet when we go out?! I feel like he’s either doing it on purpose or he genuinely forgets it (also he doesn’t actually have a job so there is that) I’ve never said anything because I don’t know how too but it’s starting to annoy me now!

The controlling thing stems from a few things that I think are red flags like me not being allowed on my phone in his company because it’ll start an argument (literally just checking my phone or replying to text I wouldn’t go on it for a long time anyway) me not being allowed to post pictures of myself on social media because he thinks men will speak to me, if he snaps at me for being too loud (like putting away plates in the kitchen) I’ll just brush it off but if I snap at him it’ll cause a massive argument which stems into him telling me I never listen to anything he says and if I try and fight my corner in the argument he says I’m interrupting him (even when it’s clear the sentence has finished) he goes on and repeats the same thing in ever argument I start to forget what he’s saying because it all merges into one.. is this me being a dick? Writing this out I sound so stupid but even things like if we do things differently he gets annoyed or if I recommend a way of doing something and it works he doesn’t like it or gets annoyed too, I just feel like maybe I’m not putting in enough effort or maybe I’m not listening enough like he says I just don’t know

I went out with one like that, he ended up steeling from me. My friend went out with one too, he ended up hitting her.

It's only going to get worse.

RUN!!!

Right at the bottom of the bin!

You’re not stupid. So many of us get sucked in by the combination of flattery and chemistry. The negative stuff is insidious, it’s a drip feed and then suddenly you step back and wonder how on earth you ended up in this position!

FWIW you sound fab. Find someone who truly values you.

OP, he's an utter dickhead. If you are only 4 months in, get rid asap.

He us at the very very least messaging other women. Only reason for the accusations about other men.

You lost me at page 1 when something was said about you being a good girl. You're not a kitten. And even stray animals deserve respect. Move on and find some one worthy of your attention.

Oh dear
Please dump him and find someone worthy of you.

You don't just need to end it, you need to block him, make sure all his things are out of your home and take back any keys he has/ change the locks because things will almost definitely get ugly.

he makes me feel good about myself, tells me I’m beautiful and I’m perfect
No offence, but there's a novelty mirror that does that for you too - and you don't get any shit from it.

i've learnt that no matter how good the 'good side' is, it's the bad side that should matter more - do you really want to live with that for however long?
If it was just the food thing you could work around it, but he still lives with his mum and isn't getting a job - and he has the nerve to belittle and control you?

Come on - you know you can do better.

@AloneLonelyLoner PMSL!

OP, he's love bombing you, lots of compliments, telling you your gorgeous etc. Then Jekyll and Hyde, control freak, telling not to post on social media- who the fuck does he think he is? You can d I what you like, ignore this waster. No job since February? What a schmuck! Stop spending money on him, he's a total cocklodger.

What is the quickest way you can end this?
I would suggest a short message repeat a few times for confirmation and then block, e.g. "this is not working for me and I want no further contact".

He's controlling so do not engage, do not explain, keep it short and direct. Good luck.

What a dreadful twat he is. Take the advice on this thread.

I bet his Mother enables this behaviour and it may well be emulating how his father treats her.

You’ve heard it from us all on here. Get rid and do it now. Learn and move on. Don’t look back.

Tell us when you’ve made the change.

What a loser! Get rid.

Then reflect on why you are worth more than a man who brings nothing to the 'relationship', sponges off you, tries to control you and manipulates you with fake compliments.
Don't let the door hit his arse as you slam it behind him.

How, after decades of feminism, can a woman put up with such treatment and wonder if she is being unreasonable? I just don't get it.

JUST get rid of this person, he is a sponger for sure, a controlling sponger for sure, and an odd ball person altogether.

Crikey he sounds like a right catch!
Bin. Immediately.

Wow, what a nasty piece of work.

You owe him nothing.

Dump him via text (for your safety/sanity), then block him everywhere.

If we hadn’t argued or if we’d just had a normal day he would say things like “you’ve been a good girl today haven’t you?”

This made me 🤢
Get rid

"Dear (insert name), I've thought a great deal about this and our relationship simply isn't working for me anymore, so I am 'calling time' on it. I wish you the best for the future. Please do not contact me as there is nothing to talk about, my decision is final."

Simple and to the point. Then block and delete

don't let him move in with you. why doesn't his mum charge him rent.

So many red flags
Dump him

We’ve been together for a few months now

It sounds terrible but he makes me feel good about myself, tells me I’m beautiful and I’m perfect, I do like his company but there’s this snappy argumentative side to him which comes out 40% of our time and I’m not a confrontational person so it’s even harder to deal with

First things first. You don’t know this man at all. Well... from the above you know about 40% of him.

That’s right, that 40% nasty is who he is, but he’s on best behaviour to get his feet under the table and you under his control.

He is showing you who he is, pay attention and act now.

The “nice” bit - the telling you what you like to hear is all a tactic. If he truly thought this about you he wouldn’t need to tell you not to look at your phone, or ban you from posting perfectly legitimate things on Facebook etc, he’s be happy for you to be happy and free. A strong man is confident and wants his partner to be confident, independent and happy. A weak pathetic man tells you what you can and can’t do and punishes you for falling foul of his rules.

You are a better person than me, you’ve spotted something doesn’t quite add up - which is why you’re here asking about this.

You won’t end up like me, wasting 10 years of your life, losing everything that you’ve worked for, saddle your only child with a shit dad, and doing irreparable damage to your self esteem.

My story does have a happy ending, beyond the wildest of dreams to be honest, but even aside from that, you will be happy without this man in your life, if you stay with him he will be awful 90% of the time, you might be physically abused too. He’s escalating extremely quickly, so he only has one way to go, and that is bad and fast.

End it today, don’t waste another second of your time on him. Don’t feel sorry for him, he won’t feel sorry for you when he hits you or worse.

Make no mistake, I may sound as if I’m being over dramatic, but you won’t ever be able to have a healthy relationship with this man. So the sooner you get out, the better all round

The "snapping at me because I'm too loud putting crockery away" had me clenching my buttocks already...

Just reading some of your comments - he's jealous, controlling. If you're like me who met one of these at 28 years old (first time) at first I thought I could deal with it - it escalated. My best friend then said to run a mile. I ignored her. It gets worse. Red flag bunting. LTB

Hi everyone,

I’m so grateful for everyone’s messages, I honestly believed I was starting to become the problem, with him saying I don’t listen etc I was starting to think I was just a rude arsehole with a major ignorance issue.

My mum & real dad never had a great relationship but it was never abusive more just arguments but I had a stepdad from the ages of 9-14 and he was a vile control freak and I noticed things he would say/do to my mum and that’s how I thought “fuck is this happening to me” and I just needed outsiders views on it.

The thing that made write this was actually because he met my daughter (2yrs old) for the first time 3 weeks ago, everything was going lovely he was actually really sweet with her but I was cooking bacon and asked how he wanted his crispy or not and he said “crispy on the outside not crispy in the middle” so I started laughing and asked “how do you manage that?” And he started raising his voice telling me if I couldn’t do it why would I bother fucking asking him how he liked his bacon so I said “I’ll try my best but I can’t guarantee it to be perfect as I’ve never done it like that before” he followed me to the kitchen and started getting louder again repeating what he’d said so I asked him “please please don’t raise your voice in front of her (my daughter) she’s never ever been around this you can shout at me all you want but please not while she’s here” anyway he ended up not lowering his voice so I asked him to leave which he eventually did after trying his hardest to persuade me to let him stay. Anyway yesterday I thought I would let him come round while she was here for the 2nd time (we’d spoke about the shouting thing and he promised he wouldn’t do it again) we were watching a film and she was eating crisps from his bag and he turned to me and said “can she have another?” I didn’t hear because I was watching the film, he said it again and I noticed he said something so I turned and said “what was that sorry” and he went “I’ve just asked dis she allowed anymore crisps are you deaf” so I explained “I was watching the film and I honestly didn’t know you were speaking to me you didn’t say my name or anything sorry” and then it spiralled from there and once again was shouting in front of her I asked him again to lower his voice please but this time he said “you don’t respect things that are important to me (he meant me listening to him) so why should I respect things that are important to you” and gradually raised his voice while saying it,

I got into my car and just drive off with her, I said I wasn’t coming back until he was gone (he doesn’t live with me but I know he’d of persuaded me to let him stay”

I’m so sorry for such a long post I just needed to vent everything and just clarify that I’m not going insane or I’m not being dramatic/pathetic