Sponger with red flags?

[amylou1805]

We’ve been together for a few months now, he comes to mine because he still lives with his parents, I provide the food because I do a food shop (live alone) if we go to the shop for food for tea he’ll never offer to pay even though we’ve specifically gone to the shop for both of our teas, on numerous occasions if we’ve gone out anywhere he’ll have “forgotten his wallet” so I’ve had to pay. I don’t want him to buy me things, I’m independent, I enjoy paying for myself but am I being over the top thinking he should at least remember his wallet when we go out?! I feel like he’s either doing it on purpose or he genuinely forgets it (also he doesn’t actually have a job so there is that) I’ve never said anything because I don’t know how too but it’s starting to annoy me now!

The controlling thing stems from a few things that I think are red flags like me not being allowed on my phone in his company because it’ll start an argument (literally just checking my phone or replying to text I wouldn’t go on it for a long time anyway) me not being allowed to post pictures of myself on social media because he thinks men will speak to me, if he snaps at me for being too loud (like putting away plates in the kitchen) I’ll just brush it off but if I snap at him it’ll cause a massive argument which stems into him telling me I never listen to anything he says and if I try and fight my corner in the argument he says I’m interrupting him (even when it’s clear the sentence has finished) he goes on and repeats the same thing in ever argument I start to forget what he’s saying because it all merges into one.. is this me being a dick? Writing this out I sound so stupid but even things like if we do things differently he gets annoyed or if I recommend a way of doing something and it works he doesn’t like it or gets annoyed too, I just feel like maybe I’m not putting in enough effort or maybe I’m not listening enough like he says I just don’t know

Why doesn't he have a job , any job would be a start ?
How old is he ?
Has he ever had a job ?

I can’t believe what I’m reading here! Give me his number and I’ll tell him where to go on your behalf!

Does he take drugs?

Get rid! He's clearly a controlling sponger and tight with it!

He finished his degree in February and that’s when I started seeing him so he said he was just having a breather but it’s been 6 months so god knows why he hasn’t got a job.

I just have such little confidence and he does make me feel good about myself when he’s being nice I know I’m going to find it hard to cut him off,

I think I’ll re read this post for a good while to remind myself I’m not going crazy and it’s not me that’s the dick

Oh my god. Please listen to yourself. Any relationship that features the phrase "I am not allowed to [insert here]" is a bad relationship.

P.s..... there are some amazing people I follow online who have YouTube channels and who taught me a lot about what we should/shouldn't put up with. Learnt a lot about empowering myself. Check out: Matthew Hussey and Amy Young. These two are my favourites X

Please leave this man & invest your time in someone who is worth it 🌷🌸🌺

He doesn’t take drugs and we’re both 24 n

Never asked if he’s ever had a job cause It’s almost like I have 2nd hand embarrassed for him so I don’t bring it up because I’d be personally mortified if I didn’t have a job (if I I was able to work which he is fully able to work)

Glad you noticed the red flags before you got in too deep, you are worth far more than this moron. x

you’ve been a good girl today, haven’t you?
Say bye to this 🔔🔚

Of course he tells you that otherwise you'd have nothing good to say about him! Classic abusive behaviour. Run.

I didn't get to the end either. Still lives at home, no job, no money, treats you like shit. Fuck that. Or rather don't. Even if he has a magic penis.

There’s so many red flags including that he tells you that you’re perfect yet tries to control your behaviour. Please get out now.

Ewww OP, he's gross.

🗑

Please dump this waste of space and work on your low self esteem. You are worth so much better than this. I have a DC your age and I'd be devastated if he treated a woman like this.

You deserve so much better. Don’t waste any more time on a man without a job. Even if he wasn’t a controlling wanker, he still wouldn’t have a job.

Oh OP, you sound exactly like me when I was lost in the grips of codependency.

Your partner is a narcissist and he is just getting started with his emotional abuse and wearing you down.

1. He doesnt have a job and wont pay for anything. Narcs are irresponsible and entitled (he doesnt care you pay for everything)

1. He wont let you post on social media or text. He is self centred, jealous and wants you to focus 100% of your attention on him at all times (because in his mind he is all that matters in this relationship). This is also the start of isolating you from any outside influences, thus making you easier to abuse unchallenged.

1. He snaps at you/has a short fuse/belittles you. His fragile ego, lack of emapthy and controlling nature means he cannot tolerate you doing anything that doesnt fit with his idea of what the 'perfect' GF should be like. The problem is you can never be perfect and his definition of this will constantly change anyway, its madness. Also, because he hates himself deep down and is jealous of you, he will try to erode your self esteem to make himself feel better by bringing you down a peg or too. This also makes you easier to control because you start to think you are always wrong/annoying/not good enough etc.

1. He turns everything around to be your fault and wont accept responsibility in any arguments or apologise (or gives a fake apology then turns the conversation into being about your flaws). Again, this is control, entitlement and irresponsibility with abit of gaslighting, narcissistic rage (you cause a narcissist injury with even the slightest criticism which his fragile ego cant handle), manipulation etc. thrown in.

OP, please dump this loser. Everything he has said is a lie. Telling you you are beautiful, pretending to care about your feelings. They do it to reel you in and then the abuse starts (which it has for you now).

I bet your relationship moved to be committed quite quickly? He says he wants to settle down/never met anyone that makes him feel as good as you/you are the one/he said I love you in a few weeks/constant compliments/you are nothing like his evil crazy exes/hes had such a hard life or childhood but none of it is his fault.

Soon he will be asking to borrow money and wont pay you back, will be cheating every opportunity he gets, calling you names maybe disguised as jokes at first, giving you the silent treatment, breaking up with you or causing huge rows so you break up with him (so he can cheat) and then love bomb you again a few days or weeks later.

Sound familiar?

This guy is abusive and you need to run for the hills. He wont get better, he will never change, he doesnt care or love you, you are just the latest narcissistic supply.

Take a good break from dating and heal from your codependency issues. It's very worrying that you cannot see how abusive this man is

You’re not stupid, there’s no need to think that!

Do you think he would still be with you if you stopped feeding him and paying for everything when you went out? Or would he flounce off back to his mummy?

You can and will do better, but not with this cocklodger controlling your every move.

He’s got too much time on his hands. He needs a job ASAP.

Tell him you’re broke and can’t afford to pay for anything any more and see if he still turns up. Don’t even offer him beans on toast.

(Obviously best to dump him but if you don’t at least try that.)

Yes don't beat yourself up OP. You are not stupid. These guys are very skilled manipulators and even the cleverest of women can be sucked in. I've been taken in 4 times in my life and I'm only 33!!

You are likely vulnerable because of your childhood which has made it difficult to recognise abuse. What was your parents relationship like? Was one of them abusive or narcissistic?

I would find a counsellor who specialises in codependency and trauma.

You need to heal to make sure you do not find yourself in another relationship like this again (like I did many times).

Be proud of yourself for getting rid of this loser. Your gut was telling you something was off with this guy and you listened to it and posted here. Please stay strong and block this loser on every platform as he will either try to Hoover you or stalk you. You dont need to break up face to face, he will just rage at you. Best to just text it's over then block. He doesnt deserve anything more than this.

There are lots of excellent videos on youtube about narcissism and healing from codependency. Lisa Romano is my favourite.

You are not stupid. Decent people don't enter into relationships with the intention of controlling and undermining their partners confidence so we don't suspect those motives in others. You've had the misfortune of meeting a toxic arsehole that is all. End it now before he has the opportunity to do more damage. I speak from bitter experience and I'm not stupid either. Good luck.

You're 4 months in and fair play you've noted the red flags.

The truth is simple.

If he was "the one" (or even mr ok for now) you wouldn't be posting here about him.

The fact you felt you need to do so speaks volumes because you already know he doesn't make you feel good. He makes you off balance and taken advantage of.

Walk away. 4 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things and there's no good reason from what you've posted to invest anything more in this relationship (and a lot of good reasons to end it).

Red flags all over. You need to end it