Dinner Party hell

[dinnerpartyhell]

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

It is customary where we live for friends to have lots of dinner parties, these range from silver service formal dinners all the way through to a relaxed buffet style supper.

I absolutely detest them, I hate hosting them with the two days of cleaning, cooking and preparing. The nerves that it will all go wrong (I am no Nigella) the endless inane conversations with people I barely know or care about. I try to talk to more interesting people, but after a few hours I have had enough even with the most sparkling character.

I don't even like going to other people's houses where it is the same in reverse. I like seeing my closer friends, but this all adds a layer stress/formality that is not normally present when we see each other day to day.

Please tell me why you enjoy them? (if you do) and what I can do to enjoy them more. I would have no friends if I opted out, as everyone has them. I wish I could enjoy them more, but I really don't. I dread them now, and it has got worse as time has gone on, not better. Everyone seems to go out every single weekend, and we are knackered from working long hours and caring for dc. How do you have energy to do this? After another weekend, I am exhausted today and really ready to throw in the towel and move to a desert island.

Everyone we have to dinner has a serious job. 3am would be an absolute no no and DH likes to be in bed by midnight. Everyone is busy and has things to do on Saturdays and Sundays. Can't affordnto write them off.

oh I need to be by a pool, very far away too.

Don't get my started on the holidays and who goes with who, that is a whole new thread.

Meh I am in a part of the U.K. where this still happens with a lot of people I grew up with, I have moved back and just... not got involved. I spent the time making a random circle of friends with varied backgrounds and interests instead.

I love hosting but I just don’t have time right now for the competitive circuit! But in ten years I might. It just all feels a bit suburban tbh.

jilly I once had a tawny mane, it is now a more mangled version that needs a deep conditioner. No one does cleavages anymore, in fact most friends don't even have 'cleavage' it has been starved away a long time ago.

I'm thinking the OP lives in Rutshire with Rupert Campbell-Black as a neighbour. Perhaps his wife, Taggie, could do her catering!?

blithering We are in the country, so I can't speak for suburban parties but my only advice to you;

DONT DO IT!

Don't accept even one solitary invite, if you do you will be sucked in and will disappear into a vortex of despair. Ten years later you will not recognise your sallow features or your bank balance.

what is the manor born??

OP, don’t tell me that you are under 45? No way would anyone over 45 not have heard of To the Manor Born

Get a chiminea. Make a basic pizza dough or buy good quality bases. Make a thick tomato and basil sauce the day before. Buy grated mozzarella, olives, anchovies, rocket, sliced pepperoni etc. Make a couple of large salads. Buy very good ice cream and/ or tiramisu and make a fruit platter.

Everyone can build their own pizza and the men can cook it (obviously all cooking with fire outside has to be done by men by law). The women can sit around with a glass of something cold refusing to help because the don’t want to get in the way as the men are doing so well.

@Notcopingwellhere
Do you also retire to the drawing room to listen to someone play the piano while the men have cigars and play cards

Absolutely de rigueur after any good dinner party - although the ladies retire whilst the men stay round the dinner table drinking (decanted) port - passed clockwise round the table naturally

Sorry OP, you have so much made a rod for your own back here - driving to bring the kids back from wherever in the county etc instead of your DH doing it, your DH plying everyone with excess amounts of alcohol - no wonder the men become boring! You have the power to change this - simplify things, stop doing it all, whatever.

Love the clip thank you!

I am 44, last time I checked, and still managed to miss the manor born.

over50andfab yes, I meant that the women only retire to the drawing room, leaving the men at the table. That was my point, that OP seems to live in a bizarrely anachronistic gender-separated world.

I've never had this problem to this extent. But a little - with my neighbours. Then we kind of all decided to take the attention away from the food prep. So now we just all bring something for a mix and match thing with very little thought or we get a takeaway. Then we have genuine fun with no stress.

I think you might find a lot of them may also feel the same way. I dunno - but I couldn't deal with that much fakery. Awful. You need to live a different life. Decide what it is you want, and do it. Don't accept the invites - tell people why you aren't accepting them - in a nice way of course. I think some people will start following suit - then start inviting them over for a takeaway and a laugh.

cahz my friend did make your own sushi night, I loved it, others looked on in horror that they were actually going to have to make their own dinner. How could she possibly take the easy way out when they have lost blood, sweat and tears over their evening, and yet here sushi friend was looking so relaxed, so happy and carefree, and even managed to sit down for five minutes. No that most certainly was not going to cut it!!
It was not a great success, and someone called a taxi at 10pm which is the death knell as we all know. I rather liked the sushi idea and thought it was a clever idea.

Had to pop back. I'm completely invested in this weird dinner party vortex. I want to drive hundreds of miles to witness it for myself

Can I come?

OP, DH married me for my cleavage . A v neck both enhances it and makes it less hefty.

crusty If I am still tied to the dinner party operation, of course you are invited Crusty, you can share with the rest of the thread how truly vile it truly is!

oh Well lets hope their dhs married them for something other than their blossoming bosom as they must feel sorely cheated now!!!

Oh jeez where is this thread going now??!!!!!!!!!! Its all your fault roses I am blaming you!!

Why on earth are you so desperate to be friends with people who litter your garden, get pissed and retch in your teatowels and have the most boring conversations ever known to man?

This.
Also, re the hand towel, did you mean ‘retch’ or ‘wreck’? If the latter how did the guests wreck the hand towel?
I’d be absolutely horrified if a guest was sick in a hand towel - or a bath towel or a tea towel for that matter - and they would never be invited again.

Spliff get me through them

lower your expectations of yourself.do other clean as much as you.do others have such high demnads of how on spec everything is.

@Rosielily

Oh god yes, how did I not think of that! , Taggie would be perfect!

She’d turn up with her own small mongrel to keep OP’s dogs entertained, and wouldn’t in mind scrubbing up the sick in the least. She’d cook up a storm while OP was glugging the wine AND leave OP with a cold kedgeree for breakfast. Of course all the hubbies would be madly in love with her due to her silvery-grey eyes and endless legs and soft growly voice. So that might create some problems but probably worth it for the amazing feed?

dapple They wrecked my hand towel. This is not acceptable because they were my favourite hand towels, and are edged with lace from provence. It was particularly hard to bear because the 'stain' could not be removed. It was this poor hand towel, I am not sure exactly what the substance was, it was not pleasant.

i too have never heard of this dinner party thing.over to mates for get togethers maybe but nothing so formal as this!

I think Op's a writer, gathering material for her next article.