Dinner Party hell

[dinnerpartyhell]

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

It is customary where we live for friends to have lots of dinner parties, these range from silver service formal dinners all the way through to a relaxed buffet style supper.

I absolutely detest them, I hate hosting them with the two days of cleaning, cooking and preparing. The nerves that it will all go wrong (I am no Nigella) the endless inane conversations with people I barely know or care about. I try to talk to more interesting people, but after a few hours I have had enough even with the most sparkling character.

I don't even like going to other people's houses where it is the same in reverse. I like seeing my closer friends, but this all adds a layer stress/formality that is not normally present when we see each other day to day.

Please tell me why you enjoy them? (if you do) and what I can do to enjoy them more. I would have no friends if I opted out, as everyone has them. I wish I could enjoy them more, but I really don't. I dread them now, and it has got worse as time has gone on, not better. Everyone seems to go out every single weekend, and we are knackered from working long hours and caring for dc. How do you have energy to do this? After another weekend, I am exhausted today and really ready to throw in the towel and move to a desert island.

The op doesn't understand why people think that this might be a wind up

I strongly suspect that she does. It's getting a good run and it's a harmless diversion though.

I might curious as to who does the silver service waiting? We use local children as assistants and waiters at the Safari suppers but they’re all bright young pre university creatures who wouldn’t have a clue re silver service. They usually provide a taxi shuttle between outlying houses too.
No themes in our villages. Definitely no dressing up with racist undertones. No Brexiteers either as most folk are reasonably educated. I lie. One rabid Brexiteer but everyone just laughs at his nationalistic ranting.
I think it might be a joss but people do have supper parties.....so who knows?

It's getting a good run and it's a harmless diversion though.

This is true. The fact that, although the OP seems to hate the dinner parties but is ignoring pretty well all suggestions except for the more outlandish ones says a lot. Perhaps embellishing somewhat to try to make the whole situation more interesting in order to maintain interest on here? Certainly doesn’t seem to be considering knocking it all on the head No matter, it’s fun taking the piss

CherryPavlova, not many do proper silver service waiting any more - tends to be more in London and for the older generation where it happens. I worked in a private house in Birmingham once that had a butler - everything had to be done properly down to preparing the grapefruit for breakfast - proper spoon etc. This was over 30 years ago mind!

I think that silver service has also evolved. It might not be the waitress plating each individual guest off a platter at the dinner table any more, then ditto the vegetables etc. Nowadays the main course might already be plated and presented (from the correct side) followed by veg being proffered so that guests can help themselves. There would also be different wines and glasses used for different courses. The thing I always found very bizarre was eating a piece of fresh fruit with a knife and fork. That sort of thing would be part of a party game nowadays. As you say, it would be much more likely to be students helping out - presentable and polite

Over50andfab. I expect silver service in restaurants (we’re not London) but I can’t think the last time we had it at a supper party. Last time was a half decent restaurant but the lad hadn’t practiced enough and most of us ended up with broccoli in our laps.

Hmmm
How on earth can your life be an endless round of dinner parties without knowing who the Mitfords were?

I smell a flambéd 🐀 hors d'oeuvre

Solution is to host 3 big dinners a year to cover all ‘owed’ dinners.
Do a Jan one with lots of pies/casseroles made by your local butcher/fishmongers/caterer who isn’t around when guests arrive. My fishmonger does a delicious fish pie and will prepare them in my serving dishes if I drop them off in time. That way you just have to bung them in the oven and prepare a side dish & dessert. PP said she got her desserts from a local restaurant which sounded like a good idea!
Do a June summer party and have someone like Pizzarova (travelling pizza makers: www.pizzarova.com ) or Hand of Flour (www.thehandofflour.com) or Two Boys & a Barrel, 2 cousins with a mobile paella party set-up donall the food catering. Get your husband a sangria or pimms or aperol spritz table to make and hand out lots of drinks 😜
Similar idea for a September party.
Covers all obligations. Food offered is novel/interesting/tasty and can cover large groups.
Then you say that other obligations (therapy/relate/meditation/open university/ fill in as you wish) mean that you are only free for 1 couples dinner a month and one female friends dinner a month. Keep 2 weekends free for just family.
Result is more relaxed, more down time, still in the loop enough to keep social obligations going (necessary in the country) without offending much.
Good luck!

We all outgrew our competitive dinner parties in our thirties, once we’d settled down and realised that, actually, real friends didn’t give a damn about linen napkins and were quite happy with paper ones round the kitchen table. Good wine is still a must, though. I’m the same age as you op (almost) and I’m surprised you still give a stuff about all this crap. I suggest you find more interesting and less conservative friends.