Dinner Party hell

[dinnerpartyhell]

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

It is customary where we live for friends to have lots of dinner parties, these range from silver service formal dinners all the way through to a relaxed buffet style supper.

I absolutely detest them, I hate hosting them with the two days of cleaning, cooking and preparing. The nerves that it will all go wrong (I am no Nigella) the endless inane conversations with people I barely know or care about. I try to talk to more interesting people, but after a few hours I have had enough even with the most sparkling character.

I don't even like going to other people's houses where it is the same in reverse. I like seeing my closer friends, but this all adds a layer stress/formality that is not normally present when we see each other day to day.

Please tell me why you enjoy them? (if you do) and what I can do to enjoy them more. I would have no friends if I opted out, as everyone has them. I wish I could enjoy them more, but I really don't. I dread them now, and it has got worse as time has gone on, not better. Everyone seems to go out every single weekend, and we are knackered from working long hours and caring for dc. How do you have energy to do this? After another weekend, I am exhausted today and really ready to throw in the towel and move to a desert island.

lottie I am glad you are enjoying the thread, it is Monday and a little lightness is no bad thing. They organised a dh night, and I am being completely honest with you;

No one, not one of them, turned up!

queen I need to come to yours! Sounds very much more enjoyable. The pantry nosing is quite a thing here. I would never do it personally, but given half the chance....it can speak volumes about a person no?

Dinner parties at home are definitely back on the increase. There are a lot of holiday rentals too where I live (big detached places that can sleep anything from 8 to 40 people), and it's very popular now to book chefs to come to your home. It doesn't work out any more expensive than a restaurant, especially as you are providing your own alcohol, no babysitters or taxis needed, and you don't even need to get dressed up.

not We always start in the drawing room, for drinks before dinner. Never after. Not the done thing apparently. I did not grow up here, I learnt the hard way.

Is this thread a time slip?

I'm unsure if this is a joke post so I don't know whether to reply properly or not!

Pantry nosing? I don't have a pantry. It went when we modernised the house and nuilt an extension. I have a larder cupboard, wine fridge and double sized larder fridge. Do have a boot room though.

When the fun stops, stop

THIS.

Your life sounds straight out of the 50s. Just say no! 2019 awaits you!

How many people are you catering for?

oh You sound very organised and together. I need to do this, and have this inner and outer idea. I am also investing in a Raclette what a good idea! Just googled and just about to order for my new once a year dinner thank you midnite

I know, you set up some nights with your female friends. Propose that, for one year, all dinnner party activity must be instigated and run by men. They decide to have one, plan it, shop, cook (or buy in) etc.

The specifics would vary by household of course. You could 'help' in a floating around arranging flowers sort of way.

See how many dinner parties happen and, if they do, what they're like. Then you'll find out whether these men actually like socialising - and how they like to do it.

It just sounds as if their wives are taking on a 'mummy' role, making sure these husbands have friends to play with and facilitating social lives they don't actually want.

Are you in To the Manor Born?

The words 'No thanks, I'd rather not' do exist, you know.

A friend of mine stopped overnight, and now no one ever sees her see her then! This is ridiculous, just stop doing them. I hate to think where you live or little imaginations your friends have.

Bloody hell I wouldn’t let people who are sick on towels and force-fed wine by your husband loose with hot fat and pointed forks.

tooty no one is allowed to mention Brexit or the new PM it can literally kill an evening stone dead, as we have found out on one or more occasions. Don't mention school places or doctors waiting list either. You will never ever hear the end of it. Ever. Nobody ever wants to talk about your piles removal whilst eating roast lamb, nor the waiting times to have them prised out no matter how much they like you.

Sounds like my mother's bag. TBF we use the drawing room for the formal stuff but they aren't friends iyswim.

I remember my mother making chicken kiev in the 70's when you had to buy 4 chickens to get 8 breasts -and we ate chicken for weeks after-- and also she made elaborate chocolate bombs.

Look up Abigail's party. It sounds ppretentious and ghastly op.

They organised a dh night, and I am being completely honest with you; No one, not one of them, turned up!

Oh, cross-post. Well! There's your answer!

Stop acting out of some misplaced sense of obligation (to whom? Not your DH, not your real friends) and do what you like instead.

Just stop doing it - tell people you don't enjoy hosting, you find it stressful. Say that from now on you will be spending the money it costs to host a dinner party on a donation to your local food bank.

This is total craziness.

rosa I am trying not to feel insulted by your post sorry but yes this is for real. Why would it not be?
gen usually ten to twelve.
lottie the dinners would cease overnight left to dh's,not a bad idea at all.
what is the manor born??
not My point exactly. My towels deserve more in life, they have never hurt anyone.

I'm pretty sure OP meant to write that her towels were being wrecked not that people were vomiting into them

Goodness. Boot rooms...drawing rooms...silver service and crystal glasses. Are you my MiL?

Actually, you're not because she loves it all.

I don't know OP. Stop doing it, I guess. Seems the obvious answer.

Thanks for thread op. It has made a morning round the pool on holiday fly by. Good old Mnet standby. No is a complete sentence.

I had a catering business years back when I was single (only me but with waitresses when needed) and did a lot of delivering and setting up buffets in private houses sort of thing. I also travelled round the country staying with and cooking for people during occasions like Ascot when they had house guests. Some of my clients were quite well known. What I would say is there was a definite difference between what I call “new money” and “old money” - the latter were so much nicer and more laid back. I remember going back to one and walking in to hear the “lady of the house” exclaiming “oh bloody hell, the puppy’s shit on the carpet again” 😂. And at breakfast when one of the house guests requested a napkin, I was told to bring the kitchen roll. The other lot were way more pretentious (no old barbers and hunter wellies for them). I never forgot the one where they had a red door on each floor to define the servants’ quarters from the rest of the house

Anyway, my own parties were way simpler - cheese/meat fondu (really easy to do and everyone responsible for cooking their own). Yes I still went to town when I felt like it - Indian food from scratch grinding the spices etc. I did the odd meal with silver, best china, crystal glasses etc - but more for novelty value than being the norm.

When I got married, had kids etc it was much more a case of pot luck - baked potatoes with different fillings, a lot of food - casseroles etc - cooked in advance and frozen (ever tried pheasant and beef casserole? It’s excellent - and posh sounding!)

I think it’s a case of knowing how to do things properly, but choosing not to. Personally I hate pretentiousness. I second the idea of wine tasting....perhaps ask everyone to bring a bottle of wine, cover them up, number them, everyone puts in the equivalent of £1 per bottle and so on. Or supply the wine yourself from Aldi or Lidl - hopefully it’ll be a hoot! Accompany with wooden boards with cheese, pate, French bread, dips, olives, crudités etc. Easy!

I see my friends maybe twice a month outside the ghastly dinners, mainly because we are all working (well not all of us) but some of us, and we just don't have the time to see each other very much. So evenings it is.

I am too old for this. One evening I still had people at 3am, I handed them their coats at 1am, and they put them on the back of the chair and that was that!

I agree it is all rather odd and surreal and at the same time really rather well-described and entertaining. I keep thinking Jilly Cooper too, with the dogs being sick in (I’m hoping) the boot room and the ghastly dreary husbands and the dreadful cooking accompanied by slugs of vino and the terrible hangovers and the OP staggering around all wild-eyed scrubbing the carpet after a frantic dinner party the night before. Do you have a glorious tawny mane, OP? Do you tip Miss Dior down your cleavage before said dinner parties? Please say yes.