Dinner Party hell

[dinnerpartyhell]

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

It is customary where we live for friends to have lots of dinner parties, these range from silver service formal dinners all the way through to a relaxed buffet style supper.

I absolutely detest them, I hate hosting them with the two days of cleaning, cooking and preparing. The nerves that it will all go wrong (I am no Nigella) the endless inane conversations with people I barely know or care about. I try to talk to more interesting people, but after a few hours I have had enough even with the most sparkling character.

I don't even like going to other people's houses where it is the same in reverse. I like seeing my closer friends, but this all adds a layer stress/formality that is not normally present when we see each other day to day.

Please tell me why you enjoy them? (if you do) and what I can do to enjoy them more. I would have no friends if I opted out, as everyone has them. I wish I could enjoy them more, but I really don't. I dread them now, and it has got worse as time has gone on, not better. Everyone seems to go out every single weekend, and we are knackered from working long hours and caring for dc. How do you have energy to do this? After another weekend, I am exhausted today and really ready to throw in the towel and move to a desert island.

You need to serve Pom bears for dessert next time.

My friends know I am "limited" in the cooking department.

I have perfected 3 things

• Good Food beef bourguignon
• Delia's smoked fish pie
• Gordon's lasagne

Everyone knows they're getting one of them and I'll compensate with good wine and world's best cheese plate. I buy the pudding from the French restaurant down the road.

If I was in the UK I'd just get a beef and merlot pie from Cook.

Why not try to contact the people who have dropped out of this weird merry go round and start an anti-dinner party thing at a pub?

That way you would have friends and you wouldn't have to do the dinners.

I've skipped through some pages so apologies if I'm repeating another pp.

Are you sure your friends all like dinner parties? Have you checked? Can you check? It could just be a habit that needs to be broken or changed in some way.

People change but sometimes they don't want to be the first to say they want to change - perhaps you're all in the same boat and somebody needs to be brave and just stay "lets do something new"!

op you’re more full of shite than the Loos at Glastonbury

It’s tedious not hilarious

I’m not sure why I continued reading I think I was hoping you’d confess to bring a troll/fantasist but no, on you go...
🙄🙄🙄🙄

Clearly yourvreal life (not this billions) us niting you witless, do something to change it instead of making up BS for MN

There are some people do this kind of thing at the DCs school- it a certain area (v posh) I always thought it sounded hellish. They mention it as if it is very exclusive but think they are just up their own arses to be honest. Kind of sad to not be able to say no in your 40s

Sounds like they are not friends, they are just ‘people ‘ . Why do it if you don’t like it? It sounds like my idea of hell.
Why can’t you just have a very small select few. Especially if your husband doesn’t like it either.
Life is too short and everyone has the right to be happy in their life without dreading events to have to host or attend.

I'm single & 42. I invite friends round for frozen pizza & garlic bread buffets. Or a takeaway. All eaten in the lounge on laps.
My kitchen table has only got two chairs anyway!

Personally I like going out out for dinner to actual restaurants & pubs.
Followed by a bar with a good dj or live band.

Dinner party? My idea of hell!! I do go to couple friends for dinner but it's similar to what I do - pizza buffet or a Chinese.

My solution is OP pizza buffet eaten on laps to a Spotify playlist of Ibiza club classics.
You'll discover who your true mates are & you'll never need to do a formal 'dinner party' again!!

We gained several friends when we moved to where we live now who seem to love having dinner parties. I've done a couple in return, but god I hate them! It's not the company that's the problem, that's the good bit, it's the fucking cleaning and tidying and planning what to cook and then spending all day cooking and then playing fucking hostess that I hate. Where we used to live, everyone had such a tiny place that you never went round for dinner, you always went out. So we would meet our friends at restaurants and it was MUCH better! No one had to cook or tidy or anything, you just went out for dinner. Fuck dinner parties!

We go out to dinner. No pressure on anyone to cook or clean. I would HATE that!

Just pick a couple of people you really want to be friends with and accept their offers and invite them to your house and politely phase out (a la Kate Middleton) the rest.

You don't have to be friends with the whole village. Maybe once a year you could do a big outdoor casual party gathering if you really need to show willing on that scale.

Just be politely busy for the invitations you don't want.

Hi op you were me a few years ago. Small village, Stepford wives, self absorbed husbands, performance catering, private schooling, etc etc. Then I had 2 life changing events and I never heard from most of them again - they are probably the same and not your friends sorry. So don’t give them a moments thought if you don’t enjoy it stop

Do Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson still pop along from time to time?

I would continue to invite the friends you like, dump the ones you hardly know and relax a bit. You and OH both work and have a child. You should be enjoying your child, one day you will turn round and she will be gone.

If your friends won't see you unless it is part of the dinner party set up they aren't friends.

The raclette looks horrible, like something out of the 1970s

Break free, organise a night out bowling drinking beer and eating hot dogs.

The raclette can be fun, I got the butcher to slice the meat very thin for me after explaining why I needed it. Bought the other bits. But there were only six of us who were really good friends so we had a good evening. My friend brought the puddings, my puddings are not up to much.

If you don't enjoy dinner parties then get different friends who enjoy the same social events that you do!

OP you’re so funny, I love this thread. You’re hilarious

You're easily amused.

We don’t throw dinner parties as such. But do have friends round for dinner. If that makes sense. Last time we ordered Chinese for everyone. They supplied the booze.

Previously I’ve slow cooked a spag Bol and made a tiramisu for dessert. Friends brought salads. Garlic bread. Wine.

We’ve had raclette - French friend brought her raclette machine and supplied the food. We supplied the house and some booze. That was a fun New Year’s Eve.

We’ve had bbqs (just eat indoors).

No one dresses up. No one is fussy. We just chill out.

Buy the starters, vegetables and desserts, and only cook the main course yourself. Lots of wine, and people won't care.

We have quite a lot of supper parties with friends and neighbours. They vary from a small group of six and simple fare to more formal meals for 12-16. We do Safari suppers, pre-concert meals, wine tasting and fundraisers.
It’s lovely meeting people or catching up with friends. Nobody has to join in but most do. It’s never a buffet and rarely a BBQ but occasionally, if very warm and last minute we’d maybe BBQ.
Nobody has to spend days cooking - but some like to.
We don’t have much else around here so do make our own entertainment. It doesn’t have to be complicated and dressing up a little when usual wear is muddy boots and waterproofs is nice.

At the next DP have a vote. Who’s for carrying on with giving/going to DPs and who’s for calling time and everyone taking turns choosing a restaurant instead. It’s a good way of supporting local businesses and gives everyone time to relax and chat without someone having to prepare and cook a meal and stay up till 3 am when they’re desperate for an earlier night.

Good friends will be good friends even if you decide to call it quits and step off the DP treadmill. If they ditch you then they’re not worth feeding anyhow. I’d be totally prepared to say goodbye to anyone who took umbrage in order enjoy doing what I wanted at the weekend. There are things you have to do in life and things you don’t. This is something you can control. And once you decide enough is enough, it might give the others permission to do likewise and there’ll be gusty winds in the SW from the combined force of all the sighs of relief.

I'd slowly start cutting back. Sounds like it's become a massive one-up-man-fuck-you-with-that-food fest. But TBH are these people worth hanging on too? WTF talks about a friend who has dropped off the radar like that? Did any of them bother to call her? They don't give a fuck. And the bloke who said the food wasn't worth his wine - bloody hell, no way would he darken my door.

I think the only way to go out is with a bang. Get well and truly smashed and then scream a few home truths about them all. In my dreams anyway. I'd probably keep on making vichyssoises and boeuf bourguignon.

It's all about avoiding another evening sat at home with 'the wife' or 'the toe rag' and pretending they have a life. It's not living, it's competitive better than the Jones'. You're well out of it.

Stop stressing please. You're an introvert who prefers their own company or that of a few close friends. And thus hate larger gatherings with people you don't know very well.

Absolutely nothing wrong with this - the world is made up of all sorts of people. I guess what you have to decide is whether you want to continue a connection with this group (and thus host/attend such events) or not bother and find your own tribe.

I think it might be easier to just be 'busy' and say no to more and more and invite less, slowly extricate yourself. maybe embrace some new busy hobby you are doing as a family. Or move