Dinner Party hell

[dinnerpartyhell]

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

It is customary where we live for friends to have lots of dinner parties, these range from silver service formal dinners all the way through to a relaxed buffet style supper.

I absolutely detest them, I hate hosting them with the two days of cleaning, cooking and preparing. The nerves that it will all go wrong (I am no Nigella) the endless inane conversations with people I barely know or care about. I try to talk to more interesting people, but after a few hours I have had enough even with the most sparkling character.

I don't even like going to other people's houses where it is the same in reverse. I like seeing my closer friends, but this all adds a layer stress/formality that is not normally present when we see each other day to day.

Please tell me why you enjoy them? (if you do) and what I can do to enjoy them more. I would have no friends if I opted out, as everyone has them. I wish I could enjoy them more, but I really don't. I dread them now, and it has got worse as time has gone on, not better. Everyone seems to go out every single weekend, and we are knackered from working long hours and caring for dc. How do you have energy to do this? After another weekend, I am exhausted today and really ready to throw in the towel and move to a desert island.

Or start a new weekend yoga class or weekend meditation class and let DH deal with it!

I only occasionally entertain maybe once a year (apart from 16 for Christmas). I wish I did it more, I enjoy having good friends round and don't mind cooking but more often we just go out for dinner. When I do cook I will make really nice quality simple food, boeuf bourgignon, coq au vin thats kind of thing. But I do expect everyone to serve themselves, refill their own glasses etc. I dont have a partner but even if I did I wouldn't be running round the table topping up glasses or serving people.

Years ago I went to a dinner party where the wife ran around serving nibbles with drinks, dishing out veg and sides and then whispering in your ear asking how you liked your coffee. I just found it embarrassing, she seemed like a servant. Her husband, my colleague, wore a cravat!

Just don't invite the husband's then! Can't you just go out with your female friends in the evening either to a pub/restaurant/house and tell them it's a girls night?

Why go on with the torture when you could easily do something else?

I couldn't be bothered with the stress! Too old to care! Surely you can say thanks but no thanks?? Being a grown up, and all?

To quote Zammo, just say no! Just say no

Another vote her for girls lunches, dinners, no-one gets drunk, no males dominating the conversation. Perhaps have a girls night out and raise the subject.

Sounds awful. I hate that type of thing too. And I hate parties. Ugh. Just say you don't want to do them any more and don't. People don't have to like your decision. Anyone who goes on to change their behaviour towards you after this isn't worth knowing.

Americans have this thing called Pot Luck - where everyone brings a dish. (I know this because Ree did it once on Pioneer Woman.)

To me this is a great idea - why don't we do this over here?

We do it here. Busy working parents so everyone brings a dish.

If you can organise a girls get together perhaps you might suggest doing some fundraising rather than all the self indulgence.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Where on earth do you live? It sounds like one of these bizarre social situations where everyone probably hates them but feels they have to do them because everyone else does or 'it's the done thing'. I've no idea why busy working people with children to care for would waste time on something they hate.
Either opt out or do something much more casual and limit the time you have to socialise. I'm sure even Nigella herself would opt for a more casual and less labour-intensive approach, there are lots of easy recipes in her books that require 15 mins prep, a few hours in the oven then whip them out and serve. Tell everyone to go home at a sensible time and limit them to a couple of times a year (if that). Everyone else will probably be relieved that someone's had the sense to 'lower the bar' as it gives them a get out too

Get a set of balls. Just mention to other wives you cant be doing this dinner party lark all the time you have commmitments elsewhere. Bet they feel the same. Suggest a pub jaunt once a month to keep in touch

Sounds like buckinham palace or sandringham

1. Limit guests to those whose company you enjoy and with whom you have common interests.
2. Don't sit around trying to invent things to talk about; have fun (whatever your idea of fun is). We've done lots of murder mysteries, karaoke, games nights, dvd pub quiz etc.

I hate them they are torture. I hate any kind of food at other peoples houses. Cringey. Please don't invite me. I never host either in the hope they'll get the message

Do what we do here in France.We all bring a course or something towards them.works well

Sounds like you just don't like this group of people much. We used to do a bunch of dinner parties, but it wasn't regimented, just dinner at different friends houses and board games after. We loved it, and even though hosting stressed me out, trying to come up with yummy three courses while raising young kids that our friend group didn't have yet, it also felt good. Conversation was easy. And I am incredibly antisocial usually, so I totally get not dreading get togethers.

These days we have few friends and rarely see anyone outside our family. I don't hate that either, but I do sometimes wish I had an excuse to try a fancy recipe on people who might actually appreciate it. If you stop going or hosting, how will you feel? How wil your partner feel?

Bloody hell silver service OP, wow that’s all out. I do get you though, dinner parties can be stressful, I try to keep mine casual, lots of bbq’s and if the weather is crappy then I’ll make something fairly relaxed - Italian is my normal go-to.

I don’t tend to get experimental at these things, I only cook dishes I’ve tried and tested previously. I once tried to replicate dim sum and it looked like shit on a plate.

I love a good DP! Love cooking and hosting xxx

I cannot believe that you all think this is genuine. It is fiction. OP is winding you up and sitting back to see what happens.

You can't be doing too badly, if they keep coming back, surely?

Exactly, madame

We once went to a ‘progressive dinner’ in the US. Each course was at a different house.

They are called safari suppers in the UK

^^

Known as shagging the neighbours, courtesy of car keys thrown into a bag to everyone else

My favourite dinners are the ones that are disorganised with children and dogs running around.

^

The Mitfords are on the line

As you and your husband hate it, just don't do it anymore!

Socialise with other people who aren't such hard work to entertain.

I cannot believe that you all think this is genuine. It is fiction. OP is winding you up and sitting back to see what happens.

This in spades.

It’s all very entertaining, but Jilly Cooper did it better.