Dinner Party hell

[dinnerpartyhell]

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

It is customary where we live for friends to have lots of dinner parties, these range from silver service formal dinners all the way through to a relaxed buffet style supper.

I absolutely detest them, I hate hosting them with the two days of cleaning, cooking and preparing. The nerves that it will all go wrong (I am no Nigella) the endless inane conversations with people I barely know or care about. I try to talk to more interesting people, but after a few hours I have had enough even with the most sparkling character.

I don't even like going to other people's houses where it is the same in reverse. I like seeing my closer friends, but this all adds a layer stress/formality that is not normally present when we see each other day to day.

Please tell me why you enjoy them? (if you do) and what I can do to enjoy them more. I would have no friends if I opted out, as everyone has them. I wish I could enjoy them more, but I really don't. I dread them now, and it has got worse as time has gone on, not better. Everyone seems to go out every single weekend, and we are knackered from working long hours and caring for dc. How do you have energy to do this? After another weekend, I am exhausted today and really ready to throw in the towel and move to a desert island.

We have BBQ’s here as the standard. Casual, relaxed, all good.

Sounds like hell. I'd drop out and I wouldn't even care if I had no friends.

Surely you'd have time to find people more on your wavelength if you weren't wasting every weekend on this torture!

Just say no! We had a few years of them, then I just stopped hosting, and the invitations dried up! I only do dinner with people I live, we make it easy and informal.

Such an awful phase.

I got through it by drinking :)

Not the norm in my circles fortunately.

You say it’s customary where you live. Can you not opt out? Maybe you could become a volunteer for a worthwhile charity that takes up your weekends so you don’t have to go?

hopping Up until one day ago, it has been baltic here, cold with rain and wind. Maybe you live in sunnier climes, but I live in England and most of the time it is bloody freezing and definitely not BBQ weather!

Take lots of cigarette breaks.

after It IS utter torture. I feel traumatised today I look wild eyed and knackered. It has zapped my life blood. Now thinking I would prefer to be completely friendless.

Nz Glad I am not the only one suffering. So you did just throw in the towel! My liver will pack up in less than five years if I continue. Seriously have to drink so much to get through it. I am too old to cope the next day. It takes a solid three days to feel human again.

I have my dinner parties catered and my house cleaned by my cleaner. Otherwise it’s too much work.

We do a mix of going out for drinks, hosting and being invited to parties, bbqs, drinks etc but it's very casual and with close friends and not all the time at all. I would only do things in my free time that I enjoy! Talk to your friends and suggest some alternatives- booking a table at a restaurant, going to the pub or a show or a day out etc. And not every weekend!

You are choosing to do this. You can choose not to. You really really can.

Do you have money? If so, get a cleaner and order from Cook.

where I am jealous! So when do you see your friends? How does it work?

spook I can opt out and then drop off the radar. Do I have the courage to be a solitary soul in life?

I hate them too so although I'm happy to go to others, I tend to do one or two bigger parties to repay everyone. So a chilli party in the autumn with wine in the kitchen and a big summer bbq.

You live in England and 2/3 days ago it was Baltic? Really? Today isn't great but it was scorching at the end of last week. We had a bbq

I was assuming that you lived abroad when you said it's customary to do dinner parties where you live because that's not my experience of the UK at all. Sounds pretentious, I'd move.

what but what about the most boring conversations ever known to man? The cleaner can't fix that. Or the pissed husband wretching on my new hand towel, or the people that smoke and throw butts into the flower beds after a few too many sherries for my dogs to find. Do you not feel worried the caterers won't arrive and you will be stuck? Maybe its me, but I just don't find this fun at all. I would rather have teeth pulled.

Where in the UK is it normal to have silver service style dinners in your home? We obviously mix in very different circles OP

It does sound stressful though, we tend to invite one or two couples at a time when we host and then I tend to either make meals that can be prepped during the day and can be left to cook in the oven/on the hob, or we do a pot luck style curry night or something.

Would you find it easier to take people out to dinner in smaller groups maybe?

musti Most of my friends prefer to be 'at home' thats the problem. I have tried temtping them to restaurants and pubs, no go.

med South west very traditional, because I hate them so much I tend to do larger versions to get them out of the way, and they are really tiring. First world problems of course, but really I want to have friends, but I don't want to endure another dinner party as long as I live.

I thought they were old hat. Nowadays it's kitchen suppers with very old friends or we go out. There are a small group of people for whom we have to reciprocate but no more than 2/3 times a year and related to dh's work.

I keep it simple but do use the proper dining room and good china/stuff. I usually set the table the Sunday before and if it's a week night I pay someone else to cater. She shops, cooks, serves and clears up. I work fulltime. If it's a weekend I'll cook - but keep it low key - good fresh ingredients. Smoked salmon, lamb, lemon and raspberry baskets, a mille feuille if I can be arsed.

I can keep a conversation going and don't really mind.

I think you live somewhere like the Isle of Wight
My friend moved back to the mainland to escape.

crusty yes, it was 34 here on Saturday incredibly, after four weeks of constant rain, but even on Saturday it was still very windy and quite cold by 8pm.

I am very good at inane small talk.

We don’t invite people who we don’t really like. Anyone who acts boorish would never step foot in my house again.

We used to have this so I understand how you feel about being locked into it. Is it the hassle of hosting or having to attend others' dinner parties that is worse for you? Is it the formality or the sheer utter mind-numbing conversations you are required to have to be sociable, or just the predictability of it all and the consequent demands on what should be family time? Different solutions for all of these things.