Dinner Party hell

[dinnerpartyhell]

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.

It is customary where we live for friends to have lots of dinner parties, these range from silver service formal dinners all the way through to a relaxed buffet style supper.

I absolutely detest them, I hate hosting them with the two days of cleaning, cooking and preparing. The nerves that it will all go wrong (I am no Nigella) the endless inane conversations with people I barely know or care about. I try to talk to more interesting people, but after a few hours I have had enough even with the most sparkling character.

I don't even like going to other people's houses where it is the same in reverse. I like seeing my closer friends, but this all adds a layer stress/formality that is not normally present when we see each other day to day.

Please tell me why you enjoy them? (if you do) and what I can do to enjoy them more. I would have no friends if I opted out, as everyone has them. I wish I could enjoy them more, but I really don't. I dread them now, and it has got worse as time has gone on, not better. Everyone seems to go out every single weekend, and we are knackered from working long hours and caring for dc. How do you have energy to do this? After another weekend, I am exhausted today and really ready to throw in the towel and move to a desert island.

I don't understand the 2 days of cooking, cleaning and preparing.

Surely that is simply not necessary? One of you does a normal weekly clean (vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, general picking up of crap) and the other cooks something nice but not time consuming. Half a day of work each at most surely?

Otherwise you're simply doing far more than could possibly be needed. Scale back.

If you're deep cleaning an entire house prior to dinner parties that are happening regularly, the house can't possibly have had time to have got in a state since last time.

As for food, work out some simple but delicious meals, order in, or just scale back.

The dog always waits until I have people around before releasing different bodily functions ten minutes before they arrive, I think he is allergic to the dinner parties as well.

I was about to ask if you were Kate or Rose but then realised you were in the SW

It sounds horrendous.
The only time we had "dinner parties" was when the Dc's were small and then each couple/family would host one a year, a way of seeing one another and at least one family didn't need a babysitter.
No one got drunk, or embarrassed themselves and it was fairly pleasant. Once the kids were older we would meet in a pub or restaurant, and still do.

Just don't do it anymore OP! when its your turn to host say "No I'm just not enjoying this any more, it's beginning to be boring!"
Get a babysitter go out with your DH.
More to the point does your DH agree with you, does he hate or enjoy them?

Smoked salmon starter
Roast a leg of lamb with garlic and rosemary
Roasted new pots
Asparagus, perhaps a simple green salad
Strawberries, good ice cream and flake (this goes down well with the most sophisticated people).

In winter casseroles are easy peasy and steak and kidney pud has gone down well. Fried halloumi with lime and good bread too.

Perhaps because we are old simple stuff goes well.

Whole salmon, fish kettle. Put salmon in, pour on bottle of dry, two batlyleaves, quartered lemon, 10 peppercorns. Top with water. Bring to a simmer, simner for one minute, leave to cool overnight. Next day skin, surround with watercress and cover the cracks with finely sliced cuband lemon. Takes about 20 mins tops, looks fab. New pots, hollandaise, salad, asparagus.

My company cater every kind of occasion and have menus from simple bbq or 2 courses to fine dining 9 course tasting dinners. We do all the shopping, all the cooking and all the washing up too.

One man's meat is another man's poison (no pun intended).

Don't do it girl, you're not in competition. There's no point in putting yourself through an ordeal for something that you dislike.

How do even know these people? They sound awful.

I have a 'dinner club' with a small group of friends. We meet up once a month, and it can mean anything from the full 4 courses with the good glasses, in the dining room, with lots of candles, or a takeaway around the kitchen table, or a BBQ. We may even go out. Whatever the host fancies doing, really.

Sometimes the partners come, sometimes they don't. There's lots of wine, and chat. And most importantly, we enjoy each other's company, and look forward to it, and absolutely no one stands on ceremony for anyone else.

Honestly, OP, life's too short for this shit. Get some new friends.

Bar I am deep cleaning because I am pretty sure some of my friends raid my cupboards, inspect the cleanliness and generally nose around. One year two couples asked for a tour of the house including bedrooms. It was a no, until I found them upstairs anyway 'checking on the children' so yes, maybe down scaling would be good.

My upbringing covered 1970s parties in all their glory and I was raised to sleep in other peoples beds and listen to their cackling and loud music all night, and not dinner parties. I have had no training for this whatsoever. My mother thinks a ready meal is cooking.

Honestly: pal up again with the other dinner party refugee, stop either going to or hosting these events and find yourself some nicer friends.

If you think the problem is that your H will strop because he likes the dinner party circuit, tell him that if he wants it to continue, the work will be down to him and he can book and pay the caterers and cleaners.

Well one of the problems is right there in your OP - are these actual friends or "people you barely know or care about"?

If the latter then just stop going and stop inviting.

If the former, then tell them that you are tired and overwhelmed and need a bit of a break from the endless round of dinner parties.

I feel the same as you - it would do my head in to have too many dinner parties. Thankfully I don't have any now - I still have friends, we go out for lunch or dinner, or meet up for barbecues at the park (Australia) more than anything else. Even if we do host lunch, it's usually "bring a plate".

In all honesty though I would be right up front about it and say "I've had enough, I don't want to do this any more than twice a year" and see what happens. And get back in touch with the other friend who "dropped out" as well!

Could you host but do it really informally? Get a load of M&S nibbles then homemade pie chips and veg or a big slow cooker of home made curry? Something super easy, no attempt to impress homely etc. Still being involved and you can be a lovely host but less stress and preparation. Others feeling the same might breathe a sigh of relief that they could then do the same! Or invite people and order a massive takeaway to share? Obviously going against the grain but proper friends aren’t going to moan!

This is seriously bizarre - surely there must be a way of making friends who are not obsessed with reciprocal dinner parties? Are there no pubs or restaurants where you live? To be honest, since the DC were born I am sick of the sight of my house and leap at a chance to go out. Someone else's house would barely be more enticing.

Failing that, definitely get the thing catered, COOK is amazing and tastes totally home made. Then at least you will be a bit more relaxed.

You didn't answer why you are cleaning, cooking, ferrying children etc etc all on your own? Why are your children dotted all over the county? Where is your DH?

Children's food dinner party? Did one of those once. Fish fingers, sausage and mash, pineapple on sticks and haribo for pudding. Very cheap ice cream in cones etc etc.

No effort at all. Plus everyone secretly loves tinned spaghetti hoops.

Gawd. My idea of hell. I have friends and we do the occasional meal, usually fish and chips if I'm 'cooking', so there is hope for friends and no stress lass!

Anybody who snooped around my house or wanted a tour would never set foot inside again. How fucking rude. But my house is always visitor clean and tidy.

These people are not friends!

Friends are people you enjoy being with, don't have to jump through hoops to see, and can relax with.
Stop the dinner parties! Visit your friend who has also stopped. Meet people dog walking or whatever. If you arrange social occasions do it at Pubs/restaurants.

We have a few families from over from 6ish bring kids (10-13) host does laid back food like chilli then others bring stuff to go with it then we all clear up and they go home by 10 due to kids. I’ve done a few and low effort and everyone enjoys including kids who vanish off to watch a film. Actually my kitchen diner looks better afterwards as my 4 lovely friends scrub away and their dis wash up saucepans

Cis I'd hate that. But I'd politely eat it. Sounds gross

**
My company cater every kind of occasion and have menus from simple bbq or 2 courses to fine dining 9 course tasting dinners. We do all the shopping, all the cooking and all the washing up too. grin**

Different kind of stress with this. Money!

Are you Margo or Mrs Dooms-Patersson ???

@Cismyfatarse

Sounds bloody awful if I’m honest. I’d plaster a smile on though

@crustycrab. Doesn’t it?!

Why is your husband not sharing the cooking and cleaning and shopping? Or do you genuinely live in the 1970s?

I am early 40s and can’t think of a single dinner party hosted by a couple where the man has not cooked at least one course and bought the wine and cheese. In fact it’s the blokes who tend to want to do the dinners so they can show off some fancy dish they’ve seen Marcus Waering or Ottolenghi do.

I ‘m afraid that I would not particularly enjoy attending a dinner party cooked by a hostess who is not a great cook, I’d feel bad for her and not enjoy the meal. Dinners with bad food are for family occasions !