Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

Fairenuff hello lovely mate. I am so sorry to hear that things are so hard at home. I'm clinging to my one client of paid work like a life-raft at the moment as there is literally nothing else in the pipeline for when that finishes. I'm amongst thousands of others of course. I'm trying not to worry too much about next year and to stay present and alive to what is under my nose right now

Last, late night thought from me..
When I was younger and in a better set of habits and physical shape
I would often snooze off to sleep with a deliberate fantasy. I would take time to relax and then think about an idealised scenario that would be a 'happy thought' before sleep. "What would I do if I won millions on the lottery?" or "What would I do if the person I fancied actually fancied me back?" or (feel free to insert your favourite sexual fantasy here) or "If I got that ideal job what would it entail"
..you get the picture.
So my revelation recently is that my snoozing fantasies are all about "What would it really feel like to be totally alcohol-free?" "How wonderful would it be to never, ever, want an alcoholic drink again?" and "how would my life be different if I just didn't have alcohol in my life and my thoughts?"
Does anyone else feel this way?
If you are reading this thread and feel any of this too please, please post and join in the conversation. I am tired of feeling so disappointed in myself..

Isinde. I say keep going with your thoughts and fantasies about what it would feel like to not have alcohol in your life; the ability to imagine is very powerful and you can use it to think through all the things that would be different for you without alcohol. Write them down if it helps.

As to disappointment with yourself; feeling frustrated with the pace of change or how hard it is to shift ingrained patterns is a good thing because it says ultimately you want to change things for the better.

Isinde I do that! I have done for years. My 'going to sleep' scenario is my own island where I am in in charge and get to say what the rules are secret dictaor ). But I have to be accountable for those rules and keep my 'subjects' happy. So I have to figure out all the things that affect society and see if I can do it better. My island is a lovely, safe community and there is no alcohol on it at all and no-one cares.

I also imagine being stuck in the alcohol cycle (ie deciding not to drink in the morning but tucking into a bottle by the evening, repeat) as a vortex which is very difficult to get out of. Once you are out, you feel the relief but gradually you are drawn again to the edge of the vortex and you stand there looking at it trying to decide whether to jump in again or not. So many, many times I have said no, shook my head and walked away.

Not proud. I drank a lot while my dad was here, it's how we bond. He has gone home today so I feel I will now find it easier to not drink.

Day 1 again. Sigh.

Morning All,

Made it through the weekend (need to buy shares in Becks Blue).

Faire, Crafty, Inde that's really interesting about imagining and fantasy - call it visualisation and you legitimise the activity (sports psychology, motivational speaking, etc). I think I prefer imagination because it's less limiting in it's possibilities.

Pineapple, it's so difficult when it is the way you bond with someone you love, and who needs you. Be kind to yourself.

I have to pull on my big girl pants and do some lobbying on my own behalf at work. I am utterly useless at advocating for myself.

Have a good day.

How is everyone's week going? I have 2 different pieces of work tomorrow. REAL work, PAID work. I have to get dressed up properly, hair done, nice clothes, proper shoes... so excited!

Hi, lads! Way to go, venus. A potential contact popped up today so we’ll see.

Wakey wakey babes! are we still around?

Hey lads / babes,

Here I am again. I'm like that long lost waif of a family member who causes everyone's heart to sink when I turn up on Xmas morning. I come offering platitudes and good intentions but you all know I'm going to slink off again, until the next time.

I always, always post on day 1. Well today is day 6 so I'm doing a bit better already.

Same old story. I stop, I feel great, I think I can moderate, I moderate for a while and then I'm worse than the last time. Such a cliche.

Lockdown has been hard on me. It's been hard on everyone but I've really lost my way.

I was a very busy person. Not in a particularly good way (3 young kids, work, school, clubs, appointments for myself - medical and therapy, multitude of appointments for my disabled toddler) and once all if the things that underpin my day to day existence disappeared, it was clear that I'd struggle to cope.

I mean I did cope and I am coping but I need structure and routine. I need to live by the clock, I need to X happens at Y time on Z day. Left to my own devices, I am not good. I am not motivated. And I drink... way more than I should.

So now I've taken back some control. I've stopped my weekly wine deliveries, I've given away all the booze (I'm only ever tempted by one drink anyway), I've told absolutely noone - not even DP - as he has heard it so many times before. I have a very clear social schedule [I mean I know we aren't really meant to be socialising as normal but I have nothing that is going to blindside me in the immediate future!! Any excuse for me I'm afraid.... so I'm not going on a picnic I expect to be boozy next week. I'll stick to socially distanced playdates and early nights for a while], I have made my world very small, until I feel I can expand a little.

I don't feel good at all (achy, tired, sad) but I feel better than I did last Saturday?

• have to caveat that I have arthritis and am mid flare so that is the main reason for the aches and pains!! I have been off my meds for a while as well.

So day 6 and I'm a bit of a mess, but happy it's day 6!!!

Hi Crunchymum and great to hear from you. Your ‘normal life’ sounds full-on to say the least. I wonder if alcohol has been a way of pressing pause for you that doesn’t allow you to dwell on anything? And there’s no need to feel bad about lots of ‘day ones’. Day 6 is where you’ve got to having worked through all those first days. Alcohol is a hugely addictive drug. You’re doing great.

I have just been napping on the sofa like an old lady. This is our new weekend routine, folks. God knows why I’m so tired come Saturday these days, though even minor things can feel like a big effort. Next weekend it’s more work on my mum’s house, which is a strange process in itself. I’m fine with sorting out things like crockery and household stuff, but then opening a drawer brings me up against the past in a really raw and unpredictable way, whether in the form of an old photo or some letters.

@Craftycorvid

Apologies, I did my usual and jumped in without at least checking up and seeing how all the regular babes were doing.

I hope you aren't finding it too triggering going through your mum's stuff. It must be such a difficult thing to do? I have huge admiration for you suffering a bereavement but still keeping strong on the alcohol front.

I see it is pretty quiet here so I hope everyone is well and doing what they need to do to get by?

Day 10 for me today and I am hoping to turn a corner as I've been a bit of a wreck. Lots of anger, sadness and just feeling utterly shit.

I am still trying to figure out of alcohol is the ultimate cause, but I suspect not. I have quite a few markers for depression and I have in the past had CBT for anxiety (I was having therapy for a very specific phobia pre lockdown but this bought a more general health anxiety into the open).

I essentially have a lot going on - mentally - and have been trying to dull it / block it out, but I now need to decide if I need external help or not.

I do feel better for not drinking but as with all the times before I am disappointed it isn't a quick fix!

Hi Crunchymum. It’s brave for you to be exploring the underlying issues around your drinking. The depression and phobia sound really hard and it’s not surprising if alcohol has been a way to manage both. Be as kind to yourself as you can. If you can manage it, and it’s not too much emotionally right now, some therapy might be useful if it helped before. Lots of therapists are offering on-line and phone sessions. Lots of people who have a difficult relationship with alcohol also have difficult things in their past they are finding hard to manage.

I’m finding some aspects of the house clearing emotional, yes. My therapist used a great analogy and said it’s like one of those crime scene boards with lines drawn between apparently separate things (um, sounded better when he said it than when I’ve just tried to paraphrase it). The gist is I’m finding strange connections all over the place, and some of it is quite helpful.

It is very quiet here?

I feel like a bit of a thread killer

Hopefully everyone is just busy keeping bloody cool (unless you are a lucky sod and live in Scotland!!)

Hi Crunchymum - it periodically goes a bit quiet on here. Hope all the babes are ok. I’m trying not to be too busy at the moment, and just pottering.

That's good to know Craftycorvid

I am sure everyone is just doing their thing and plodding along.

Pottering is a good word, always conjures up a positive image for me.

Just thought I'd drop by and say hi to everyone. Plodding along over here. Have used lockdown as an opportunity for some serious personal reflection, without the distraction of busyness. Have had a few 'wins'. Staying on track. Keep on posting babes, it's always great to hear what everyone is up to.

Just jumping on to wave Hello.
Its been a bastard of a year hasn't it.
Hope you are all OK.

Hi babes! A proper bastard of a year. It’s as if the universe was doing a ‘buy one get one free’ on disasters. But we keep going.

Hi babes,
Haven’t been on here for ages but I just wanted to say hello to all. 2020 has screwed us all in so many new and unexpected ways but I hope you’re all still clinging on.
xxx

Just dropping in. Going to do 30 days, af, all going well. Today is Day 3. Am on a night away for the first time in ages. Just going to put my feet up back at the hotel and drink water and tea.

Day 6. So far so good.

Day 7, so that is one week done. I have some big decisions to make and having a chilled glass of wine at night to help, is appealing. But, so far so good.

Good on you CJ! Sounds like you are well on track. Well done. :)

Thanks @marlu. One day at a time, I suppose.