Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

Thanks for the welcome all. I feel your pain on the Zoom calls, that is also my life at the moment! It will be nice if stopping drinking makes my face look less puffy. I always look the most unhealthy of all my colleagues.

Sorry for your loss too Crafty

Why is this so hard? I managed dry January and felt wonderful by the end of it (although didn't lose much weight - grr). Why did I start drinking immediately on 1st Feb? Why do I never learn?

I am determined to stop although I find it hard not to drink around my family. My dad is coming to visit this weekend and is a big drinker. It seems futile to avoid around him after what has happened with my mum. But she died from cancer and I don't want it to happen to me. I need to do this for my DH and DC. DH is very supportive and not a big drinker. It is just me with no off switch.

My plan for the day is to keep busy. I might get some nice soft drinks in for tonight when the wine witch comes visiting.

My experience was the weight loss and, in fact, many noticeable changes take more than a month. BUT the horrible anxiety is first to fade. You feel mentally better before you notice physical changes.

We go to our coping strategies first because we know them. We get the dopamine hit and that’s extremely powerful. It’s also why treats are important when trying to stop drinking.

I think Crafty is right, the benefits appear at different times. My longest AF period since I have been on the bus was 70ish days, and it was about half way through before the weight started to go properly - but it's something to look forward to.

I did some self preservation at the meeting this afternoon, and left the meeting early because I was just getting cross with people. And though the thought of a glass of wine briefly crossed my mind, it was very brief, and closely followed by the thought that I was actually enjoying being clear headed. I'd almost (but not quite) say it was a bit of 'a boing.'

I’m sober and I’ve come to bed early. I feel good. Not sure I will manage this weekend with my dad visiting but given what’s happened I won’t be too harsh on myself, given the circumstances. I am determined to quit though.

I’ve got some rose lemonade, my favourite AF drink.

Morning All.

Well done Pineapple. I love rose lemonade too. Is there something that your Dad drinks that you don't like so that you can feel like you're being welcoming for him, but you will be less tempted? Or is it purely about being able to share something with him after losing your Mum?

I'm into my second week now, day nine. I've woken up with a headache, but I think my constant state was hung over, so I wasn't very senstive to how I was actually feeling day-to-day, but behind the headache, I'm feeling light - it's hard to explain.

Morning all! Congrats to Sweet and Pineapple. I definitely think that cycle of recovering from another hangover distracts from how we are feeling inside.

Yesterday was day one of clearing out my mum’s house. It was an awful lot of clearing cupboards and putting out a couple of bin bags. I recall this process from before when I did the same for an elderly aunt. Gradually the house will just look and feel less and less familiar as everything in it gets dispersed. I found some old photos and letters to keep me occupied though. I wonder in years to come what will substitute for finding a bundle of old letters and photos - and instant access to the past?

There are times when it isn't easy in the moment. I had to go to the supermarket this morning. All the way around the snack aisle, that voice in my head was saying "you could just buy a miniature, one g&t won't hurt". I started to walk in the direction, then made myself stop and walk the other way. That 'conversation' went on for a good five minutes. It wouldn't have been nice, it wouldn't have been good for me, it definitely wouldn't have been just the one.

Well played Sweet. I can absolutely relate to that experience. I found it slowly became normal to not go down the alcohol aisle. I’m a bit tempted to liken it to when I went vegetarian and it initially felt odd dodging the meat aisle - except it’s different, very different, with alcohol in that it often feels less of a choice than a battle.

Morning All.

End of the week but the beginning of the 'but it's the weekend' argument with myself.

I CAN do this.

How is everyone else managing?

Hi all.

DH has been made redundant. DD's contract not renewed and ds laid off early in the pandemic so I'm the only one working in our family. Oh joy.

We're having to isolate at the moment so if I don't put alcohol in the online basket, we won't be having any. It's good as it stops the impulse buy when you shop instore.

No wine online, it's the rule

Sweet I can't even remember what day of the week it is.

Is it Blursday?

Maybe that helps x

sweet - great it's the weekend!! That means (assuming you're not working) you can have 2 whole days to spend time with family and friends. You can go for a walk by a river, or a bike ride. You can read or garden - whatever floats your boat. You can end the weekend on Sunday evening feeling satisfied with what you've achieved, and relaxed and rested.

Of course, you could give in to temptation tonight, have a fitful, sweaty sleep. Wake feeling tired, cross and anxious. You could stuff yourself with fat, carbs and sugar to try and feel better.... and repeat. I don't think you really want to do that, do you? It's an illusion of wanting to.

Hi faire good to see you. That all sounds crap at home and

Hello Hello!
Just checking in as its been a while.
Things have been a bit shit. MIL has been in hospital for 4 weeks . Shes out now but maybe going back in. DH has also been in himself. It's all been a bit of a nightmare tbh.
Apart from that, still AF. Just.

Hello all, please may I join? Today is my day one of sobriety and it would be a great help to be able to give and get support from this thread I’ve lurked on over the years. I’m 36 and hope that I learn how to be present for my family rather than using booze as an excuse for headspace.

Welcome twingeeks, glad you have de-lurked. Best wishes for day one.

Hi twingeeks well done for de-lurking and joining in. It's good to be present for your family, and it's also important to have some real space for YOU. That's been particularly difficult during lockdown so it's tempting to retreat into the bottom of a glass...

It's wild weather here - alternating sunshine with torrential rain. It's definitely an evening for sitting on the sofa with a good book and a mug of tea

Thanks for the warm welcome guys, spent a lot of today reading back over the initial thread that kicked all this off and I think you are all so inspiring
Here’s to the magical power of baths and a ginger ale!

Well done to all managing to be AF. Needless to say, it isn’t happening here although I am trying hard to cut down.

I'm not doing so well on that front either Ma I had a clear 3 days before falling off the bus again. hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Tomorrow really is another day Indie - it’s 3 days, that’s a pretty hood start and in my case I had a few of those before the intervals stretched out between drinking days and slowly, slowly, the feelings and thoughts were more ‘do I want a drink? No’.

Good start! Gah! No idea what a hood start is.

Hi guys
Well that lasted all of 18 hours :(
Homeschooling is such a bastard that at half 5 I couldn’t resist the wine witch and have ploughed through half a bottle of Sauvignon blanc already whilst optimistically listening to Catherine Gray’s book. What’s worst is that she could have been writing about my life not hers!

I really hope all you wonderful people are doing well today, and I hope to find the same strength for tomorrow.
TG

twingeeks OK don't let it derail you, and well done for coming and posting about it, loads of less brave people might slink off quietly. But know that here, whatever is happening you are amongst those who understand.

What can you do NOW, this evening to mitigate? Switch to coffee, drink loads of water, pour whatever remains away and go and have a bath... Even if there is a teeny, tiny drop. Pour it away - you will feel stronger for doing it.

Isindie glad you came back. 40 many years of habit are not going to be undone overnight. Three days is good. When is your next day? Or 3?

Twingeeks hello lovely! As the lovely Venus says please keep posting. I feel it is so easy (for me anyway) to stop posting when I am failing to do what I so want to do as I feel like a failure and also worry that I am somehow simultaneously 'letting the side down' and perversely aiding and abetting anyone wobbling by admitting I am drinking.
The ability to string a semi-coherent sentence together whilst the wrong-side of large amounts of alcohol has lead me over the years to deny the true state of my life. Venus put it succinctly up-thread as believing that you are 'high-functioning' but really a bit of a mess.
I'm at an age and stage of my life that those denials are coming home to roost.