Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

@SoberMeTimbers, nah you’re not reminding me of AA too much as you’re not being all huggy, although if you want to call me “hun” with a lot of “xxx” that may work. 😉

Home from work, what an awful rainy and windy day. I have come in with 2 bottles of ....., soda water! Yay! With some lemon and limes to mix it up a bit.

I have changed into my PJs so I don’t feel tempted to go back out, there is a premier store about a 10 minute walk away but these are the reasons not to go there.

Dreadful weather
Nice and warm in my PJs
The Premier sells shit wine.
I don’t really want to drink. Ok, I do abit but just for today I am trying to choose not to.

Just popping on to say Bundaberg Lemon and Lime drink is amazing!
I'll catch up properly in a bit with you all.

I had one small glass of wine last night as I worked myself up about withdrawal! I was fine and doubt it made a difference so nothing tonight. Already under a duvet!

@Blearyeyes20 you do NOT want to go back out tonight it’s grim.

Great plan laylight and well done to stop at one small glass. Even better plan for tonight, with no wine and a duvet

bleary great determination! If you feel the urge coming over you, then re-read your own posts on here. Drink some water, eat something nice (warm soup?), send a long chatty email to a friend, or get out a pen a paper and write to a grandmother or aged aunt who doesn't use email. If you get to a point of frustration / anger / feeling it all 'not fair' and that you bloody deserve just one drink, then shout at the skies and the wind and the rain (they happily absorb it all), or write down all your frustrations (then burn them in a candle). The go for a soothing bath, listen to some upbeat music (or a play or radio 4), learn to knit, or do an online jigaw. Before you know it the evening will be over, you'll be in bed. And tomorrow morning you will NOT regret the drink you didn't have.

Yay it’s nearly 10:30 and I’ve strung together 2 sober days!

I’ve been playing word stacks in the absence of much else to do, am a bit tired which I guess is symptomatic or withdrawal for me. I usually drink when I’m tired to pep myself up!

Another random ramble....

I’ve been finding times out with friends draining of late. I am aware that I drink at least twice the speed they do and it’s just stressful trying to slow down so I don’t look like the massively problematic drinker —alcoholic— I am!

I was also wondering If the poster who inspired this series of threads was still around?

I’ve also discovered InTheRooms.com. It’s online AA Meetings from what I can see! Maybe this would be helpful, they seem to have stacks of meetings a day. The timings are all EST. Nobody can hug me there p, right?

Thank you very much for your support today everyone. It’s time for camomile tea and then bed.

A better nights sleep although I had to get up and pee three times, although that’s probably my age.

It’s looking likely I need to go on a conference with an overnight stay for work tomorrow, couldn’t have come at the worst time but it is what it is. Although AA wasn’t for me long term, I did take some good things from it so I’ll just stay in the day today and won’t fret about it.

I slept dreadfully. Kept waking up with a start which I guess is anxiety from not drinking. Feel terrible today though and am so busy at work.

For those that have been there how long does the bad sleeping last?

bleary I went to some AA meetings. It didn't feel like 'the place' for me, but it was helpful in many ways - not least that walking into the rooms was a physical declaration of my alcohol problem (to myself).

I think that there is also a lot of wisdom. The post that I wrote yesterday is based on HALT - i.e. before you have a drink work out if you are Hungry (or thirsty), Angry, Lonely, Tired and do something about those before you pick up. Often once you've done all those the 'moment' has passed.

Re: your overnight stay - One old time poster (who was a big AA fan) suggested planning your non-drinking with the same effort that you used to plan your drinking. If you'd being going to a conference previously I bet you'd have known when the bar opened etc, and maybe even have taken something 'extra' with you. So this time plan, plan, plan. Know what you will drink instead of a G&T at the bar, know what you will say when someone offers you wine, know how to excuse yourself and go and scream in your room if the pressure gets too much.

DeadliestLampshade the sleep disturbance is worst for the first 3-5 days. But even though it might feel like you're not sleeping a lot remember the kind of sleep you ARE having is of a much better quality. Even a few hours can actually refresh you and your brain and your thought processes. If you've been a heavy drinker then you might be used to a long time 'passed out' but your brain doesn't do all the wonderful things it needs to do while you rest. So please don't worry too much over the next few days, and don't let your thought process fool you into thinking that you 'need a drink' to sleep.

When I can't sleep I try to avoid getting frustrated by it. I sometimes imagine being on a long haul flight (sitting upright and uncomfortable, awake and exhausted in economy class) and how wonderful it would feel to be in business class stretched out on a flat bed - even if I wasn't asleep I'd give anything just to have my feet up resting!

Lads, I can highly recommend Belvoir elderflower cordial and Fevertree light Indian tonic water. It definitely feels like a grown up drink. I think I actually fooled myself a bit as I dreamt last night that I was necking prosecco and woke up anticipating a hangover!

I hope it's ok to post a pic of my AF drink (the aforementioned Belvoir and tonic). If it's not, please tell me and I'll ask MN to remove.

I have done a little bit of exercise for the last couple of days, which is most unlike me. I am on day 12 AF now and feeling tentatively good, but since my problem seems to be binge drinking and not so much daily, (although, if I'm honest, that was creeping up on me too lately), I won't get too cocky!

Good luck at the conference bleary! Well done on resisting last night.

"Lads" made me actually laugh out loud. It's what DS always says to everyone, regardless of sex/gender.

venus spooky. i was just thinking about HALT last night as I headed home! I use HALTT so that i can add on Thirsty.

dementedma, yes, I do the same.

I mean... at least it isn't "girls" or, heaven forfend, "hun" .

Love the HALT(T) idea as well.

It's "Chaps" here

Still going strong here. Got the Big Night Out on Saturday but have already told one person I am doing Dry Jan.

I just need to keep telling myself how shit everyone else will feel the next day, whilst I will wake up feeling great.

Fucking struggled tonight. Came home Tired, Angry and Thirsty and had to use everything I’d learned on here not to crack.
Played it forward to the end
Told myself that rewarding/comforting myself with a “treat” is not a reward or a comfort if that treat is toxic.
Gulped down a glass of water
Ran a bath and used a Christmas bath bomb.
Now on second AF beer - thank feck we had some in
PJs on
Through the worst now

Holding strong, still on sparkly water and lime (chopped up rather than juice). I am away tomorrow, thanks for the tips re planning. I will hopefully try and divert myself with some amazing food instead! I do need to still be alert on Thursday morning so will dip in here if and when I can. I’m with a social lot so I will have to be on guard. I won’t have the option though of going back home and drinking myself stupid though this time and have never done so on a conference.

Agh it sounds like I’m talking myself into drinking here doesn’t it? I’m really not and I do feel quite chipper this evening lads so I don’t want to re start!

My 4 year old grandson instructed me and his grandad to follow him today with a big shout of: "hey Guys, over here!"

ma make sure you replace the AF beer, ready for next time! (and well done you for another day done).

For me the HALTT stuff takes the focus away from the demon drink, takes the power from the wine witch. So I feel a 'craving', yes it's a craving for something, I just have to work out what it's for. The problem is that my habit would have been: hungry - have some wine; thirsty - have some wine; angry - have some wine; sad - have some wine; tired - have some wine; feeling lonely - have some wine; feeling gregarious - yup, you've guessed it, have some wine (you may have noticed a pattern here, but in the midst of my drinking I honestly didn't see that pattern, after all I was still getting up in the morning, holding down a challenging job, not supping vodka with my cornflakes...).

So I've had to retrain myself away from that habit, being deliberate and mindful about what I crave and need (and it is very, very rarely an alcoholic drink) and exhausting every other possibility first.

Sometimes I think I confused my cravings with anxiety. So whenever I felt anxious, I thought I had a craving for alcohol. Maybe I was anxious about unpaid bills, a project too close to its deadline, a health worry. But instead of doing anything practical or anxiety relieving about any of those I would have a drink and the anxiety would be prolonged and increased (because I'd slump n the sofa and none of the tasks would be done). Plus I'd be 'medicating' with a drug which in itself increases anxiety. Nuts!! Just nuts!!

bleary you wouldn't be the first babe to post on here while hiding in a toilet typing 'HELP'. I had such a moment in an airport lounge with a flight delayed and potentially cancelled overnight. I was overwhelmed by the support I got. People who lurked, offers of accommodation, clever strategies and ideas, nonsense to take my mind off it... It was all there. The power of a community of support.

oops, seem to have a tear in my eye at that memory

Aw that’s so lovely @venusandmars! What a lovely thing to have happened!

About to have my pre bed camomile tea, will pop a few individually sealed ones in my overnight case! Night everyone, I can’t believe I’ve managed 3 days! Awesome support 😍

Slept ok last night but have woken up feel awful. When do I feel good!

@deadliestlampshade

My sleep is improving night by night but I am waking up with a dull headache every morning, 2 paracetamol and a coffee and I’m fine, had my best night’s sleep last night complete with technicolour dreams! I dreamt I was buying vodka at one point! Didn’t drink it in my dream though —phew.

I gave up vodka some time ago, I went through a phase of drinking it “to save on calories” but I tell you lads, it made me a nasty bitch! Wine just makes me giggly and a bit stupid until I either would slope off to bed or pass out on the sofa.

Although at times, I could be a bit of a bitch causing arguments by text or private messages. For various reasons, not all caused by my drinking but exacerbated by I’ve lost around 5 friends over the last 5 years.

Anyway off to shake my tail feather for my work trip away. Feeling good and dare I say it, the urge to smoke in the mornings is also reducing too. I’m wearing a patch and still smoking for now but I’ve cut down by around half. But that’s for another thread I guess?

Can anyone recommend some good sober apps? The one I have bases my alcohol consumption on the price of large glasses of wine in a bar, I’d rather just be able to say that I drink 2 bottles of wine a day on average costing around £10. Apparently I’ve saved £122 in not drinking for 3 days based on that! I wish 😂

venus, yep, self medicating with something which makes us anxious and depressed. And yet, so many of us end up doing it. It's a trap!

Love the story of how you got support on here when you really needed it. The title of this thread is very apt. It's lovely that you can post on here and someone will have some advice or support.

bleary, I keep replaying scenes in my head of awful things I've said to people while pissed . Every time I do, a minute later i think "wine please". Wonder now, how often I drank to forget what I did the last time I was drunk! Makes sense, as I tended to binge drink with the same people I'd embarrassed myself in front of before. Definitely a cycle. Self medicating again a bit, trying to calm my shame.

I had another dream about alcohol last night, but I can't quite piece it together now. I also didn't sleep all that well, but I can't work out why.

lampshade, I'm not sure how helpful this is, but I tried not to eat anything sweet yesterday as part of a health kick...

Felt dreadful lads, by about 9pm, and absolutely ravenous!

Now, I know this is not great advice for anyone planning to diet, however, I am thinking, that for the first six weeks or so, I am doing what it takes not to drink. Even if it means eating a few sweet things. I think tbh, seeing as I was already eating sugar AND wine, it isn't going to happen if I cut out both at once. Cutting out booze is by far my bigger priority right now and I will sort out diet later.

I keep reading that you start feeling great after about 6 weeks. If that is the case, I'll hopefully feel a bit more motivated to change other things.

I am definitely feeling more inclined to exercise than I usually would, so it's a step in the right direction.

I also think that cutting out alcohol alone will sort of naturally cut down on calories consumed in booze and 'extra food' (eaten while on a bit of a bender/while recovering from said bender).

Anyway, with that in mind, I'm going to bake a cake today! I used to be good at it and haven't done it in ages.

Hope everyone is having a good day / week.

hungry - have some wine; thirsty - have some wine; angry - have some wine; sad - have some wine; tired - have some wine; feeling lonely - have some wine; feeling gregarious - yup, you've guessed it, have some wine

venus you have accurately described me - except, at times, it was "have some gin and a bit more gin and then have some wine with the dinner I've been kind enough to make even though I didn't feel like it and am completely fed up with cooking"

《breathes》

Thanks for your honesty and kind support.

Happy to say that yesterday was easy, due to evening at the theatre, even sat at a spare table in the bar pre-show without any drinks .

I haven't had to tell anyone IRL that I'm doing dryJan or my reason for it. Lovely, lovely DH seems to believe I'm supporting his new low-carb eating plan .

Looking forward to another alcohol-free evening bringing me to almost 1/4 way through the month.

Onwards and upwards, strength to all Braves !