Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

Hey guys! So much better than girlies 😂 Just checking in to see how you are doing.
DeadliestLampshade Blearyeyes20 It took me a good couple of weeks for my sleeping patterns to sort themselves out. Now I'm out like a light at 9.30 most nights!
SoberMeTimbers unfortunately I replaced alcohol with cake! Now I need to get back on the diet. I lost two stone and have regained half 😕

Yes, that's a real danger for me too mint 😬. Ill have to keep a bit of an eye on myself. I tend to go to one extreme or the other- can't seem to crack moderation in any aspect of my consumption.

But you're a stone down overall which sounds really great 👍.

I’ve taken your advice seriously and bought myself a slice of banana bread.

lampshade. Hope it does the trick.

I am strictly letting go of dieting for just six weeks and then I'll revisit. I'm not saying I will do a total, six week pig out, just no diet or big restrictions. Who knows? I might find I don't gain weight. I'm sure intuitive eating is all the rage these days and my intuition says cake .

Hello all, (and Barrie). So, this year I’m aiming to buy less stuff I don’t need. It’s nothing in risk terms compared with continuing to drink heavily, but my spending habits are definitely on the addiction continuum in that one purchase tends to push me into a spiral. I don’t have a designer handbag habit or owt’ like that, more a second hand and vintage habit. (Makes it sound so cosy! Would a vintage habit be something like embroidering things?). But my closets runneth over and I buy to hoard. Not healthy. And I’d like to spend my hard-earned more wisely and more durably in 2020. Gulp! That would be me doing away with another coping mechanism?

craft or maybe finding that it added to your stress and wasn't really a coping mechanism after all? (a bit like alcohol adding to anxiety, despite the illusion that it relieves it). Good luck for a simpler life. I read a lovely book once called '100 Precious Things'. It was a novel but I was captivated by the idea that I could get immense pleasure from 100 things that I truly loved, valued, used, or was uplifted by.

Timbers I have also decided to bake a cake this weekend!! I have family visiting, including young children, so it will be nice to offer them homemade cake

I am still struggling to get off to sleep but once I am asleep I am out for the count so overall my sleep must be better. I just wish I wasn't tossing and turning until midnight.

Main problem at the moment - TMI warning - is constipation. Turns out that getting to sleep isn't the only thing I was doing with the assistance of alcohol I am sure it will all even out in time.

venus I remember the airport crisis.
so many time this thread and the Babes have been here for me, sometimes literally talking me down minute by minute. It’s so non-judgemental and kind and understanding - but always someone ready to give you a hefty slap round the chops with a wet squid when needed.
Hell, some of us turned up as bridesmaids at an elopement once .
Best bloody wedding ever, if I may say so! And a sober one.

I managed to avoid the thirsty part of HALTT by remembering to drink lots of water today. Still tired though, and irritable and tetchy. TIT. I am a TIT!!!
But I’ve done another day

ma ahh the Scottish elopement

I still regret not bringing my collection of 1980s bridesmaids dresses. Although that would have made the occasion a bit less Mel Gibson and a bit more Stanley Baxter! 🤣😂😍

Sorry Lads, I had two large glasses of wine last night, it’s just like I switched into auto pilot. Just too early to be in that situation (socialising in a bar) for me I guess. I was a few sips into the first glass and suddenly thought, “Hey you quit drinking?”: Weird. Anyway, progress not perfection and I can only learn from it. Luckily I don’t think I will be in this situation again for a while.

On the plus side, it wasn’t two bottles.

@2020newme - I totally hear you on the constipation! Maybe last night’s fail may have some sort of effect there!

Anyway, back on the horse today. Off for breakfast shortly, the best part of hotel stays is the buffet breakfast so going to enjoy that, not beat myself up as I’ve confessed now.

Ah fair enough bleary! It sounds as if you are aware of what triggered it and maybe that means you can put a plan of action in place for next time. And you're right that at least it wasn't a bender!

I haven't been in that position yet, so I don't know what I'll be like. I am just arranging a night out in the next few weeks with some friends who I would normally drink a lot with... Plan is obviously not to drink and I'm not sure whether to forewarn everyone or not 🤔. I might... I might say that it ruins my whole week when I drink, so I'm not up for it.

The other option would be, just not mentioning it. I don't think they'd necessarily comment if I got there and said I wanted a coke or whatever. Maybe not making a total drama of it is wiser?

sober just not mentioning it can be an effective strategy - it's probably a bigger thing in your head than it is in theirs.

Imagine if you were out in a similar situation and friend X arrived...
You: "What do you want to drink"
Friend X: "oh gosh I've been rushing around, I'm absolutely parched, I think I'll have a big glass of lime and soda"
OR
Friend X: "hmm, I've got a bit of a headache, I think I'll get a coffee before I start on the wine"

Next round of drinks:
Friend X: "Actually that lime and soda was great. I'll have another - lots of ice please"
OR
Friend X: "I've still got coffee left here, I might have a biscuit to go with it."

Next round of drinks:
By this stage nobody else cares or notices, and you're free to have all the soda, orange juice, hot chocolate that you want.

You don't need to explain yourself or make excuses, it's just sometimes helpful to know a) what you are going to ask for
and b) what you are going to ask for next.
It avoid the panic of glancing around and saying 'oh I'll just have a glass of red...'

My next social occasion is a week on Saturday, I’m going out with someone who I do drink with on a regular basis but we are actually going to see a musical. Hopefully with 9, rather than just 3 days of sober living under my belt I will be stronger.

Thanks venus. And if they ask if I'm having wine with dinner, I'll just say "um...I'm probably going to have something else, but you lads get whatever you want".

A musical sounds like something you can hopefully get away with not drinking at bleary! What are you seeing? I have a shameful love of musicals. I even loved the new Cats movie .

Also @2020newme, how did you cake come out? I made a Victoria Sponge which has turned out..ok... not my finest hour.

I was trying to crack an egg and somehow made it explode, so ended up with an extra half egg in the mix, I also used a vegan block butter instead of butter (surprisingly good) and didn't have sandwich tins for it, so had to do it all in one and sort of guessed the time, so it's ended up a little firm. The butter for the butter icing filling was also too soft, so it's a bit messy. I have just had one very small piece plus a lot of the butter icing which squished out of the middle.

But none of that matters. It was a nice, creative activity, which would never have happened if I was plonked on the sofa, drinking giant glasses of wine.

Hope yours turned out better than mine 😂.

Good afternoon, brave friends

Pleased to say I've completed my first sober week for many years. Today is Day 8.

My talisman remains the part-used miniature of gin (see my post on Christmas Eve). We also have other spirits, beer, cider and wine in the house which I've not touched.

So when the local supermarket till spat out a 75p-off-wine voucher I went ahead and used the coupon and stuck the bottle of wine in the fridge for DH and/or guests if they want it.

@JorisBonson you OK? you were kind to me, longtime no post ....

Hi Turnstone! That’s brilliant! I feel a bit crass commenting as I had a fail last night but it comes from a good place!

@SoberMeTimbers, I’m going to see the Book of Mormon.

Never mind Bleary you just need to move on from it as though it never happened, whilst learning whatever lesson needs to be learned. I will be in a similar predicament Saturday night

@SoberMeTimbers I will make it on Saturday. Visitors Sunday. Will report back. Planning a lemon sponge sandwich with several tonnes of lemon buttercream.

Thanks for the acknowledgement Bleary I am "lucky" to have no social life whatsoever (being new to the area an'all) so no temptations of that nature can arise.

Kudos to you for your positive attitude, put it behind you and KOKO.

Day 4 for me. My goal is not complete abstinence so I was considering a glass tonight but I think I won’t now as just don’t feel I need to right now. Progress eh.

LADS! Who was it who mentioned the Angostura bitters? Game changer!! Bought some and had a couple of drops in tonic and it’s GOOD! Way better than the botanical fake gin shit which is vile, and half the price.

Another day nailed and into double figures tomorrow. I am craving sugar though. Stopped in the supermarket on the way home (to buy thebitters) and they had yellow stickers on Belgian iced buns. Babes, I sat in the car and fell on one like it was crack!! Didn’t even touch the sides.

Oooh it looks great @Blearyeyes20. I saw Avenue Q, which is the same writers I think. Some funny, but for the first few minutes I was , totally clutching my pearls 😂 at some of the humour.

I didn't know that about angostura bitters! Great tip! I think I'm honestly starting to prefer my elderflower and tonic to a g&t. I love "fell on one like it was crack" . Amen sister.

Still miss wine a bit, but it passes. Luckily I seem to crave it at times when it would be really impractical to go and purchase or drink it, like when I have to drive or look after young children!

I had a bit more cake . Just to try it, you know. It's mediocre at best. I used to be good at baking. Ah well.

Great progress everyone's making^^.