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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

999 replies

venusandmars · 27/06/2019 20:54

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
marlu · 05/01/2020 10:40

Just thought I'd pop up and say hi (meekly puts hand up and waves to all babes).

I'm still here, still moderating and overall doing ok. Things have gone a little off the rails over the holiday period so it's time to rein things in again. As venus said, it's harder when you are out of your normal routine and in 'celebration mode'.

I haven't broken my number one rule, which is to be honest with myself and record all my units in my app. No secrets, especially not with myself. Accountability is key for me.

Over the last few months, I have gradually reduced the number of units I drink on average each week. On a good week I'm within the UK drinking guidelines (which I thought would never be possible!) and on a bad week I'm still drinking only about a third of what I used to drink (which was an awful lot). Still lots of room for improvement, but heading in the right direction.

I have identified a couple of key triggers for me:

  1. Thirst. Sounds obvious, but when I get busy I forget to drink (water). So now I carry a stainless steel drink flask with me at all times containing ice and soda water or just iced water.
  2. Becoming too frazzled by the end of the day. Again, an obvious one. But even though it sometimes seems impossible, I try to sit quietly with a cup of tea around 3pm and listen to soft piano music on my headphones or some hypnosis/guided imagery (only if circumstances allow me to fall asleep). This recharges me just enough to get to the end of the day and not feel "I deserve a drink". The hypnosis/guided imagery has really helped to re-programme my subconscious thinking around drinking. It takes time, but it is definitely working.

Great to see so many of you again on this thread :)

Laylight · 05/01/2020 10:56

I’m going to stop drinking tonight. I’ve always drank a lot but over the Xmas holidays it’s been excessive - a bottle of wine a night, more on nights out.

I didn’t drink on the 2nd Jan (for 1 night!) and kept being woken up suddenly by muscle twitches. Is this a sign of withdrawal? Would I get withdrawal from a bottle a night?!

I’ve got myself panicked about dying if I stop again after Googling this....any advice?

2020newme · 05/01/2020 11:06

7 days sober for me today!!

That really shouldn't be such a big deal should it? Blush But when you have drunk alcohol every day for about 8 years, it's quite the little achievement Halo

Bleary I found getting off to sleep really hard at first as so used to passing out, but the last two nights have been absolutely fine. I have had some very odd technicolour dreams though.

No headaches and no muscle spasms but of course we are all different and will react in different ways.

As an added bonus I have lost five pounds this week. Yes, five pounds. I was a big size 14 so overweight but not enormous. That's an added bonus I would like more of please.

venusandmars · 05/01/2020 11:22

Well done everyone, what a great start to 2020!

laylight lots of people have muscle spasms when they relax, often associated with dehydration or low electrolyte balance (calcium, potassium, magnesium). Make sure you drink plenty of fluids, herb teas, water, clear soups, and maybe an electrolyte supplement. Plus long term alcohol use can deplete vitamin B so a good vitamin B supplement can be useful. However you are right, tremors as a consequence of alcohol withdrawal can be serious, so be cautious.

Of course, one of the after effects of drinking is increased anxiety, hence the panic...

OP posts:
Laylight · 05/01/2020 11:28

I don’t seem to have tremors or shaking. I think it might have been anxiety as I was very anxious and not drinking compounded that

bakingcupcakes · 05/01/2020 13:52

Laylight I think quite a lot of unexpected things can be put down to anxiety.

Today is day 5 for me and I feel frazzled (I like that word Marlu) Tomorrow will be my first day working Mondays (I'm part time) so it's the first day I've had to do a Sunday shop for school/work with DS with me. It was ok until the exhaust fell off the car so having now been rescued from town I'm back home with my transport plans for starting back at school/work in a mess. It couldn't be a worse week for this as I'm already stuck for childcare Tuesday so need to leave early assuming I get there in the first place! My mum starts chemo on Tuesday as well and we have no idea how that will pan out anyway. My amazon delivery (birthday gifts) has come but the wrong item has been sent. I feel like everything is going wrong. I'm so cross and this makes me want a drink. I won't be having one because that won't help but I feel like this year is cursed already.

Blearyeyes20 · 05/01/2020 14:43

Thanks @2020newme! Plus congratulations on the weight loss, that’s amazing!

Turnstone · 05/01/2020 15:17

venusandmars fresh limes duly added to shopping list, thanks. Confess I have a bag full of lemon and lime segments frozen into ice-cubes, of course they are only for adding to Pepsi Max Wink.

Day 3 was pretty dreary in spite of a nice seaside walk and a new jigsaw puzzle, DH had a spritzer and a glass of wine and I had San Pellegrino Blood Orange with tonic drunk thro' gritted teeth.

Day 4 today, and more mental dreariness despite another long lovely walk watching the incoming tide smash against rocks.

No changes in sleep to report and not yet feeling the benefit of staying sober. Maybe I am expecting too much joy too soon.

On days like this I feel robbed of the thing I most look foward to. I am sick of cooking dinner day after day and have asked DH to step up more.

Grump grump grump ...

tentonnetessyagain · 05/01/2020 19:06

Hi everyone,

I have lurked on mumsnet and on and off and here for years. Well done to all of you whatever stage you are at I have been re reading some of the threads. My own issues started in 2013 with the breakdown of a relationship. The longest since then that I have been sober is 9 months during pregnancy. I am ashamed to say I couldn't wait to stop breastfeeding and was relieved when it didn't work out 2 weeks in.

I know I have an issue. I drink a bottle of wine/prosecco most nights. I did stop for a while a few years ago and lost almost five stone through that and diet but have piled it all on again.

I tell myself it is ok because I never get drunk (rare), I still get up every morning and get to work/school. I make sure I am ok to drive in the mornings, but I know these are excuses.

I cringe thinking of the money I wasted. I am seriously worried about my liver. I know I am not at the point of giving up yet. I think I hide it well but then I am paranoid people smell it on my breath.

Tomorrow is day one of cutting back. I am also nearly 20stone. I am quite worried for my health so I know I need to do this.

venusandmars · 05/01/2020 19:23

Well done tessy for posting and being honest - about your weight, your drinking, and your intentions (not yet at the point of giving up). That's a great start.

Feel free to post here with whatever helps you, your thoughts, plans, successes, failures. It's all OK. There's also some nonsense goes on at times (e.g. mythical Barrie the squid, who exists to give people a slap around the head if they need it!) so if there's stuff going on that you don't understand, just ask, someone will be happy to explain.

OP posts:
cinderella78 · 05/01/2020 19:29

Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday? ..so after managing to get through Xmas and new year moderately drinking, I am now also doing dry Jan although today is my day 1 after a meet up with a couple of friends yesterday which involved a bit of wine...but not too much thankfully.

I am finding that I can moderate if I need to drive later on but it is hard work to fight the ‘just have a drink...you earned it...f@#! it’ thoughts. Not drinking may be easier...

In any case, waking up feeling good is wonderful and that’s the feeling I am trying to hang on to...

Good luck all with everything this Jan and the return to normality after the festivities....

SoberMeTimbers · 06/01/2020 07:51

Checking in again. All fine here.

I've got an online shop with loads of AF drinks (not AF beer etc, but just things like kombucha, elderflower cordial and tonic water). Determined to find a treat drink which feels grown up.

I went for a short walk and an equally short jog yesterday (could definitely not call it a run - I am a little overweight and seriously unfit). I've also been taking lots of supplements. Trying to be a bit healthier and it's a useful alternative to sitting on my arse drinking too much wine.

Blearyeyes20 · 06/01/2020 08:06

Morning everyone.Day 1 done and while I didn’t have the best night’s sleep, I did sleep. I had two cups of camomile tea last night which helped.

My last sober day was December 16th and to be honest I am struggling to remember the last time I strung two sober days together. In fact I’m thinking back on last year and think I can probably count my number of sober days on two hands? God that sounds awful.

I feel ok, bar a dull headache this morning. No shakes, no palpitations etc. I’m going to eat something and then take some ibuprofen (I don’t usually take or need pain killers in the morning)

My partner is away with work tonight so it’s going to be very tempting to pick up some wine on the way home to alleviate the boredom, I don’t do well on my own so I may be here later being needy. Which is still better than drinking, right?

Have a great day.

Blearyeyes20 · 06/01/2020 08:10

By the way, there have been some times in my life where I have tried AA. I just couldn’t get along with it. Not the religious/ spiritual side, just the fact that members all seemed very “huggy” which is so not me and I got annoyed by strangers who would not respect my personal space.

Also sitting round listening to people talk about all the bad stuff they did when they were drinking was not at all helpful and would make me feel I wasn’t actually that bad!

But that’s me, I know it works for a lot of people.

Blearyeyes20 · 06/01/2020 08:13

@SoberMeTimbers

Let me know about your AF drink taste test. I’m also overweight, is Kombucha full of sugar? I’m thinking of the soda water and fresh lime suggestion for this evening.

Sorry for all the posts!

SoberMeTimbers · 06/01/2020 09:25

BlearyEyes, I shall report back Smile!

My mum went to AA and she loved it. She found God at the same time though, which, although I'm not really religious myself, I could tell it did her so much good. But obviously that is just her and it would definitely not be for me or anyone else who isn't religious.

I think kombucha definitely has some sugar in it and the cordial is packed with it! Tonic water also is sugary, if you buy the full sugar version, like I do Blush.

But, my logic is, that if I just have this as a treat, like my party drink, it's got to be better than booze. Because, I'll likely only have one or two max, not go out on a mad night out, have six or seven Blush followed by a massive takeaway on the way home.

This morning I was looking back at some nights out I had last year and remembering not only how much I drank, but how much I ate as well! Alcohol gives me serious munchies. There was one occasion I went out with my best mate for a boozy Michelin star lunch (ten courses), then moved on to drinks and tapas in Soho, then more drinks at a club and then for cocktails and shared some chips near the train station, where I was duly poured on to the last train home and slept the whole way back. I honestly can't imagine what other people on the train must have thought. What a mess. Another time, I had a more reasonable lunch, wine, more chips at the bar near the station, got home and ordered a huge takeaway!

Obviously, these are the extreme examples and obviously I wouldn't do this every week or even every few months, but jesus christ, how many calories was I putting away on a big night out? And this is only last year! When I thought I was being more moderate because I only drank a lot on big nights out. But that really is terrible now that I think about it ShockConfusedBlushSad.

Sorry, am I reminding you of AA now bleary Wink?

tentonnetessyagain · 06/01/2020 10:10

Thank you for the welcome, I am determined this time, I know I need to make changes for myself and my children.

Has anyone got a health check after years of drinking? I have an awful feeling I have done serious damage.

Laylight · 06/01/2020 13:23

I’ve had a pretty full MOT over last couple of years and I have high blood pressure but then am also overweight and constantly stressed. Everything else good

SoberMeTimbers · 06/01/2020 13:30

tessy, if you feel anxious, I don't think it would do any harm to get a checkup, especially since I think you were worrying about withdrawal? It might be worth asking for help from a GP, even just to put your mind at ease Flowers.

SoberMeTimbers · 06/01/2020 13:32

Btw, I am no expert, so possibly not the best person to advise, except that I thought you sounded anxious in your posts and I always tend to think it's worth asking for help in those circs.

TurnStone · 06/01/2020 15:40

Tessy my reason for dry January is a blood test inc liver function at the end of this month, good or bad I will post the results. [Astonishingly, my results were in the normal range last time I was tested. That was long ago when I was probably drinking even more than I have been recently. Who knows what has occurred in the meantime.]

Beg forgiveness for my grouchy post yesterday , today brought the insight that maybe my psyche is experiencing the stages of grieving a loss ?? (Denial, anger, bargaining etc).

Yesterday was anger ....
Ģ
Today (day 5) I have bought limes and fruit teas. Adding a splash of no added sugar lemon or lime squash to fruit infusions seems to help them taste juicier, to my mind.

KOKO everyone Brew Flowers

tentonnetessyagain · 06/01/2020 16:18

Thanks everyone, I think I am anxious. I probably need to bite the bullet and go to my gp but he has known me since a baby the thought of asking for a liver fuction test is mortifying.

Day one of the diet didn't go too well but can'y win them all Wink .

SoberMeTimbers · 06/01/2020 16:23

tessy, I bet he will have heard it, and a lot worse, a hundred times before Smile. If you can't face it though, is there another GP in the same practice?

Crunchymum · 06/01/2020 16:44

I have regular blood tests (now up to every two months) due to condition and the medication that controls it and I have my liver function tested.

I've been dodging a bullet given I still drink way over the weekly recommended amount (I am only meant to drink 10 units a week on the medication!!). Regular liver function tests have all been fine.. but its only a matter of time.

Laylight · 06/01/2020 17:50

@tentonnetessyagain just tell them you’re TATT and they usually do a full blood test!