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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

999 replies

venusandmars · 27/06/2019 20:54

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

OP posts:
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17
Fishflame · 18/10/2019 09:15

I've been here before but have NC just now.

I need help. I am an alcoholic. I drink a bottle of wine and at least one gin and tonic per night. I haven't had an AF day for over a year.

Last night, I went out and made a drunken idiot of myself again - flirting inappropriately (in front of my long suffering husband) and fell over at least once.

I don't know what to do... I don't know how to stop.

Duchessgummybuns · 18/10/2019 09:27

@Fishflame You’ve made an amazing and important first step admitting you have a problem, that’s brilliant!

Is contacting AA something you might consider? I understand it’s intimidating, but you will find the rooms full of people with the same experiences as you and you can get things of your chest without fear of judgement

I’m sure some wiser babes than I will be along in a minute. Keep your chin up x

Fishflame · 18/10/2019 09:51

Thanks Duchess

I have thought about AA... I live in a small town and it's very gossipy - I do worry about being "found out"...

My husband says I'm an "alky"... he has had issues with drink in the past, which is why he doesn't drink now...

I have bipolar and I think that is definitely linked to the drink issue...

Duchessgummybuns · 18/10/2019 10:29

I think it’s important to not feel alone, because you certainly are not!

When I was drinking I used to feel like such a fuck up, like I was the only one that allowed alcohol to turn them into a psychotic mess of a woman... going to AA made me realise there were others going through the same as me, and worse. The rules are that what you see and hear in the rooms stays in the rooms. You will probably find there’s a huge amount of meetings in your area so you could travel a little further afield if you’re worried about being recognised.

Fishflame · 18/10/2019 13:11

Thanks Duchess - luckily, I don't have to work today... I feel ghastly,

I've been in touch with Smart Recovery.

AA is a fantastic fellowship - it helped my uncle stop drinking after decades of alcoholism.

user1483387154 · 20/10/2019 05:30

I need help. I'm out of control and ruining mine and my sons lives with my drinking. I. so ashamed of myself

Fishflame · 20/10/2019 05:56

User - me too Sad you are amongst people who understand here.

Original poster
venusandmars · 20/10/2019 13:11

Hi fishflame how are things going? Interesting about your worry about being 'found out'. I was like that too until I realised that people already knew that I was drinking too much, and probably gossiping about me anyway Blush

Whatever mental health issues we have are never helped by alcohol - it interferes with our brain biochemistry, depresses us and increases anxiety. I hope you're managing to take care of yourself this weekend.

user1483387154 welcome, and well done for posting. We've all felt ashamed of our drinking, but it's important that you use that feeling to stimulate change, and then let go of it. Sometimes shame can drive us to hide away tempting us to dive back into the oblivion of a drink (or several). How old is your son? (you don't have to tell us). What are your drinking habits - daytime, evening, at home, going out? I was all of those.

Feel free to post whatever is important. The thread has been quiet recently but there are always people watching ready to encourage and support you.

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 20/10/2019 15:08

drinking at home after work and at weekends. I have tried so many times to stop or to cut down and I am ok for a couple of days and then worse than ever.

I dont want to be doing this anymore. I hate myself but i have no control. i have put on 2 stones in the last year and cant even look at myself in the mirror.

Fishflame · 20/10/2019 15:34

Thanks Venus! I've some online support groups that offer a "listening" service.

I made such an arse of myself on Thursday night... I do performances (comedy and poetry) and had one that night. All was fine until after I finished my set, got drunk and kept hugging total strangers and holding their hands... I am a very annoying drunk...

I read an interesting article by Jack Monroe in The Guardian, about she quickly developed a terrible alcohol problem. It struck lots of chords with me and I very much admired her candour.

user1483387154 · 21/10/2019 09:05

well the thoughts to drink are raging .... you have done 1 day, you have it under control, nothing wrong with just 1 glass!!!!! my stupid brain. I can not have just 1. I am out of control. gahhhhh

Original poster
venusandmars · 21/10/2019 13:43

user1483387154 You are NOT out of control. You can do this.

You did one day. That is great, it really is.

You can do another day (today, maybe?). Gradually, gradually the days can build up. It may not be every day but you can cut down from every day to 6 days per week to 5 days per week to 3 days per week (that is more days NOT drinking than drinking!).

Or you can just stop now.

Throw out all the booze that's in your house. Avoid any shops that sell alcohol. Don't buy anything. Tell your friends that you're 'on a break' from drinking.

We all do the 'oh I've had a dry day I'm in control stuff' you are not alone. It is not hopeless.

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 22/10/2019 07:10

thank you. yesterday was hard and my thinking is so twisted atm.

Fishflame · 22/10/2019 07:42

First AF free night for well over a year. It went ok - not as hard as I thought it would be.

LilyRose88 · 22/10/2019 13:45

Welcome User and Fishflame It takes courage to admit that you have a problem with drinking and you have taken the first step. I was forever making excuses - I had a low tolerance for alcohol, I deserved a drink because I had had a good/bad day, everyone else drinks more than me etc etc. It actually felt a relief to admit that I had a problem. I am now on day 88 AF and it is beginning to feel normal. I have been to some work and social events where alcohol was available and I have managed to stick to soft drinks. I have had a few days where I have indulged in comfort eating but I am trying to resist the temptation to pig out on chocolate whenever I am experiencing difficult feelings.

It really is 'one day at a time' and even though it is feeling more natural to be AF I still try not to overthink things and race ahead with my thoughts. I am a classic worrier and I also have a vicious internal critic so it can be tough being sober, but I don't miss the awful guilt that I felt after a drinking binge, waking up at 3am with my mind racing and then feeling like I had been poisoned the following day. I used to get the most appalling hangovers along with acid reflux and aches and pains. I was a clumsy drunk as well, so I was always covered with bruises even though I had no memory of falling over or walking into things.

My AA sponsor is helping me with the AA programme, and I do enjoy the support that I get from the meetings. I have made a few friends there - women who I feel a connection with - and am beginning to realise that I have made the right decision in going AF. I still get days when I feel shit and wish I could reach for the wine bottle, but on the whole I am doing pretty well at the moment.

user1483387154 · 22/10/2019 16:07

good to hear your positive story. I need to find support online as there are no english speaking meetings where I live.
I didn't get hangovers and guess that's one if the reasons I kept increasing the amount I drank because I always thought I cant have been that bad I dont even have a headache/feel sick and that could be after drinking 4 bottles of wine in 24 hours

MintToBee · 23/10/2019 11:43

@venusandmars
Did it! Went up that bloody mountain, injured my knee almost falling down the ridge and have raised over our target for the Guide Dogs!!!

Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around
Original poster
venusandmars · 23/10/2019 12:10

Brilliant mint Whatever challenges life has in it you know you'd never have done that a couple of years ago. Amazing journey.

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 23/10/2019 16:31

today and yesterday I got told by kg my son is acting up. not listening to what they say and doesn't respond to time out etc. he just doesn't care if he is sat on his own.
this would normally have had me reaching for the wine .... but I didn't. not gonna lie ... it was close

Original poster
venusandmars · 23/10/2019 16:44

It doesn't matter how close... You did great!

OP posts:
user1483387154 · 23/10/2019 17:42

thanks. .. your mountain trek was amazing . gj

Craftycorvid · 27/10/2019 21:26

Evening all! Waves to new babes. Been looking after my mum for a few weeks. She’s been staying with us whilst she had some work done on her house. It’s been proper role-reversal time with me parenting her! Nice though Smile. Hope your Sundays are all good? Lovely photo, Venus

Original poster
venusandmars · 27/10/2019 22:45

It was mint on the mountain, not me. I'm a strictly low-level strolling around in the woods kind of person Grin

Ah crafty I remember that role-reversal time as my dparents descended into old age...

OP posts:
Craftycorvid · 28/10/2019 07:15

Low level strolling in the woods is where it’s at for me too Grin.

And lovely photo of you, Mint

louiseaaa · 30/10/2019 08:55

Hello guys - I've occasionally posted here but I don't expect anyone to remember me as I'm usually a lurker

I'm shy of two years af, thanks to a straight talking friend and AA

Just wanted to say that it's so worth it eventually - we've had a rough couple of years - unemployment, house moves and elderly angst but I could not have managed any of it still drinking. Your stories and chats inspired me. I felt to fragile/did not want to be obligated to keep posting progress if you see what I mean but I would like to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has shared their lives and drinking ups and downs on here