Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

Hi all just checking in after quite a while of not posting. I hope you are all doing OK.
I’ve had ups and downs of drinking and have managed to moderate quite well. However, just lately I keep having flashbacks to the stupid things I have done whilst drinking. I keep analysing things people are saying to me and relating it to things I may have done in the past (but can’t remember properly)
I haven’t acknowledged things that people are saying and have just ‘styled it out’. Previously I could also style it out to myself as well and compartmentalise so I didn’t need to think about what an idiot I have been at times. However, just lately I keep thinking about stupid things in the past (even really long ago things) and beating myself up over it.
I’m trying to lose weight but keep sabotaging myself by drinking. Not loads and not enough to do stupid things but just am getting annoyed with myself and self reflecting all of the time.
Not sure what I’m hoping to get from this post but I just sort of needed to get it down in writing to see if anyone could relate or advise?

Hi Trust the memories of what we might have said/done are painful, aren’t they? I think many of us - myself included - still shudder at a few things we did facilitated by alcohol. If there were other people involved and they are still in our lives, they haven’t allowed our past behaviour to get in the way of appreciating who we are now. Whilst I think we do need to remember just what an impact alcohol had/has on us, it’s important to be kind too. You sound caring and sensitive and I’m sure that’s the ‘you’ most people see most often.

Hi Crafty thank you so much. That has really helped me put things in perspective. For some reason I am really overthinking and overanalysing everything lately. Yes the people are still in my life and still want to see me. That makes me happy. Thank you x

I have been catching up with the thread and I really empathise with those of you who say that once you pick up a drink you can't stop drinking. I have no off switch and can give up drinking for a while, but once I have one drink I have to drink to blackout.

I decided to give up drinking on 28 July and am now 66 days sober. it was easy enough at the start but it has raised other issues for me, mainly around food. I have actually put on weight since I stopped drinking as I seem to have switched to chocolate for my 'numbing'. It is quite frustrating and I have found myself getting upset that I can't have a drink to numb my feelings. I enjoy the health aspects of being sober and love that I don't have to worry about my behaviour or suffer the crippling anxiety and hangovers that excessive drinking caused for me, but I am cross with myself that I am not strong enough to resist the temptation to stuff my face with chocolate.

I am going through a bit of self-hatred at the moment as all my clothes are too tight and I feel quite unattractive. I am still seeing the guy that I met about a month ago but I haven't told him about my food issue as it feels a bit too much information to be sharing in a new relationship. I will tell my AA sponsor when I see her next, as I know she went through something similar.

I had a triggering episode this morning when I saw that I guy I dated for 4 months at the end of last year was back on Plenty of Fish looking for a relationship. He dumped me at the start of 2019 and gave me no reason, and it really hurt me. I stupidly send him a message 'wishing him luck' but it was not a clever thing to do as it has brought back all my feelings of not being good enough.

I was tempted to go down the road and buy a large bag of Cadbury's chocolate buttons and some Revels but I have resisted temptation so far.

I will go out later and buy some healthy food for lunch, and go for a run this afternoon. I am supposed to be working from home today but I don't really feel in a good place. I know from my AA meetings that giving up alcohol does not make life easy, you still encounter challenges and have to get through them.

LilyRose I think there's an AA saying about tackling what might kill you first. The chocolate habit might be a problem for your weight but it won't kill you in the same way that alcohol could... You are doing so well.

Can you change from Cadbury's milk chocolate to Lindt 80% / 85% / 90% cocoa. It's not so sweet and I think one of two squares are enough (whereas I could easily eat a whole bar of dairy milk).

Hi Lilyrose and congratulations on day 66, that’s huge! I can absolutely empathise with the substituting alcohol with something else (I discovered a mad craze for ice cream). I think part of it is that, quite simply, alcohol is full of sugar and once you switch off that supply your body tries to get it elsewhere. And the clarity of being sober can be brutal. Someone once put it to me as when you are drinking ‘you are either getting drunk or recovering from a hangover so there’s no space for much else’. You are doing great. The sugar cravings will moderate in time and I hope your sponsor can help too.

Thank you venusandmars and Craftycorvid. I used to have an eating disorder when I was younger and I do not have a very good relationship with food, so I suppose I should have expected this problem to rear its head. I did crave chocolate for no reason for the first few days when I gave up alcohol, so I put this down to the sugar in alcohol. However, what is happening now is that when I feel low or need to numb some difficult feelings, I get a very strong urge to pig out on chocolate, in a similar way to my previous binge drinking. I am feeling cross with myself for being weak as I thought I was stronger than this.

I went for a run and bought a couple of rolls from the bakers on the way home to have a filling lunch, and I do feel a bit better. I also bought a trashy magazine to read to take my mind off my feelings. I am also avoiding doing something I need to do for work today as it is not something I like doing, so I am cross with myself about that too.

I'm sure that I will snap out of this negative patch, but it is a reminder to me that giving up drink does not make life a bed of roses, and I need to establish healthy ways of coping with the bad days. A lot of people in AA pray or meditate each day, but as an atheist I find this concept difficult to accept. I have acknowledged that I have a higher power (the Universe) but I'm not a very spiritual person so I will talk to my sponsor next week about how to address this, as I know that she is an atheist too.

There is a saying from a therapy perspective, which is that all coping mechanisms are ‘valiant attempts to survive’. At points in your life you had a need to numb painful feelings and you found ways to do that. As Venus says, chocolate is far less potentially harmful than alcohol - and I’d agree about the really good stuff with less milk fat - gives you a massive hit but with fewer calories! And a little goes a long way. Can you find more things that make you feel good? A bit cliched maybe, but a nice bubble bath (with Lush bath bomb) or a walk in the fresh air?

I am feeling cross with myself for being weak as I thought I was stronger than this.

Trying to control our feelings (or cravings) is a bit like trying to control diarrhoea.... you'd dearly love to, but it's not often an effective strategy. Much better to plan how to cope with it - when might it occur, how can we prevent it, when it happens what are the 'emergency' solutions, how do we recover / rest / retreat..?

Thank you again venusandmars and Craftycorvid. I was really down yesterday but I am feeling a bit better today. I didn't have a drink or eat any chocolate but I did find a tub of low calorie vegan ice cream in the fridge and I ate it while watching TV!

I feel a bit better today but not fully out of the woods. My AA sponsor is away this week but she did advise me to buy a journal and start keeping notes of how I feel each day. I am going to take her advice and get a book to note things down in.

I have got a meditation app that I listened to yesterday and I also had a clear out at home which usually cheers me up. I went for a run too, and did a yoga class, so I did do a lot of positive things to try to lift my mood.

I think I got frustrated because despite all of those positive coping strategies I still felt shit. I need to learn to accept that I am human and will have off days, and be kinder to myself. I am on a bit of a learning curve as my old habits of drinking a bottle of wine or pigging out on chocolate were deeply ingrained into my psyche and it will take me a while to break away from them. I have gone cold turkey on the alcohol and need to make sure that I don't just replace wine with chocolate as that is not resolving the underlying issues.

The good thing about AA is that it does help you to deal with the reasons why your drank, as long as you work through the 12 steps and keep up with the programme. I am at the very start of the journey, but I know that if I stick with it, I will be better equipped to deal with what life throws at me.

Well done LilyRose for your honesty, your perseverance, and for all the efforts you have made to stay positive.

Yup. Off days off weeks we have them, drinking or not, welcome to being human . And it sounds like AA is helping you look at the whole picture. That's good.

I am feeling much better about things today. I don't know why everything hit me a few days ago - work, exes, worries about current relationship, weight etc etc - they all just snowballed and I couldn't feel positive about anything. I am making sure that I look after myself by eating well and exercising or going for walks, and that has helped lift my mood. I can't blame time of the month as that ship has sailed!

The good news is that I didn't pick up a drink, so I am now at day 69. I have AA tonight which is good. I probably should have tried to find a meeting earlier in the week when I was struggling, so I will look online for some meetings and make a note of them for future use.

Just checking in (and catching up!)

Day 38 for me today, it feels like its dragged and flown all at the same time.

Have been keeping a journal and I swear it is the worlds most boring journal. Lots of moaning, lots of negativity and not much else. I have had such a quiet month - I have needed to be very secular and introverted.

Now I am feeling less shaky about drinking I want to tackle my eating (cut out the crap / potion control / lose some weight) but the idea of no vice at all seems too depressing.

I moderate food much better when I don't drink but I have a fuck tonne of weight to shift

How do you find AA @LilyRose88

Off to have a read through and see how everyone is getting on.

Hello everyone!
Welcome to all the new babes. I'll catch up shortly. I've not been on as work is flat out right now, I'm studying for my driving theory test in two weeks and I've been organising a charity trek up Ben Lomond for the Guide Dogs in 11 days time. I must be mad-the weather is shite!
Still sober and yes, the diet has gone to pot with the cold weather. I'm constantly craving chocolate. Although what I really crave is a large glass of wine. That's me almost another year and its been a long hard journey!

breathmiller welcome / welcome back
Lurk, post, sit in a corner, whatever is going to work for you.

Mint good luck with the charity trek. Guide Dogs is such a life changing organisation and guide dog puppies are the sweetest

crunchy Have you tried the low carb bootcamp? HERE There is another one starting next Monday. Loads of good green veg, eggs, chicken, fish....

Crunchymum I have found AA very helpful, as long as you look for similarities rather than differences, as there is a very broad spectrum of experiences and views in AA. So for example there are lots of people who were previously daily drinkers, who lost everything due to their drinking, often ending up in prison, or having to go to residential rehab centres to dry out. And there are a lot of people who are deeply religious and pray every day and talk about God a lot. But there are people who, like me, didn't drink every day but did use alcohol as a crutch and couldn't stop once they started drinking, and people who do not believe in God and have an alternative 'higher power'.

I have made a small group of friends who have similar views and/or experiences to me, and I have found them very supportive. I still don't 'share' during meetings but I do find going to meetings helps me. I am now on day 78 and looking forward to celebrating my 100 days AF with a slice of cake!

I do want to lose weight as I am heavier than I have been for quite a long time but everyone keeps telling me not to worry, and to concentrate on keeping dry, so I am trying to eat healthily rather than diet.

also crunchymum depending on where you live there may be groups that suit different people. When I went someone gently directed me towards a particular meeting (the posh, bored 50+ women group). Actually I sort of preferred the gritty one. I didn't find a long-term 'home' with AA but it help me accept my issues.

God I really, really, really fancy a drink today.

Day 42. Why???

Crunchymum. How are you doing? Have you got nice treats around? Around a month plus I started to feel like it was less a tightrope walk more a scary reality that, yes, this was being sober. Could you be wobbling because of a similar sort of feeling? Or is it Sunday blues/boredom? Keep posting!

Unfortunately, I've had a glass. I bought a small bottle.

The idea for me was never long term sobriety but moderation (which to be fair I'm shit at!!)

I'm absolutely gutted I didn't do my 100 days.

I'm off to bed in a bit (DP knows my deal, he'll sort the kids out etc) so I can make sure today stays as 'just a glass'

I am also well aware that normal people don't go to bed at 6.30pm in order to make sure they stick at one glass of wine

Back to the drawing board for me.

You did 42 days, Crunchymum. That’s damn good in my book. Tomorrow is another day.

I'd like to join the chat here please. Need to really cut down, getting too easy to pour a nice glass or more every night. Also for weight loss purpose and just general health overhaul. Will catch up on thread in a bit, just wanted to jump in while feeling brave enough to do so.

CJSmith welcome and well done for jumping in. Sometimes that is the hardest part to do.

Honestly, making that acknowledgement is a BIG step forward. Whatever do decide to do from here on in, things will never be quite the same again (which is why it's sometimes easier to stick our fingers in our ears, sing la-la-la and ignore the facts about our drinking).

Thanks Venus. I'm going to read the thread properly now. I knew if I didn't jump in earlier, I would lose my nerve.