Brave babes are still here: sping / summer / autumn / winter There is always someone around

[venusandmars]

This topic had being going for years and years and years. Maybe almost as long as some people have been struggling with drinking.

We are still here. Supporting, encouraging, helping. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from 9 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

Hi Crafty,

Yes it is pretty debilitating when it’s triggered. On days I’m ok I meditate, eat healthy, generally try to look after myself and feel fine. Don’t feel the need to drink. When something triggers it I find it impossible not to open the wine and drink so much I get a 2 day hangover and healthy life is out of the window. That can be once or 3 times a week. Can’t do moderation either, once I start I can’t stop unless I eat then I’m too full to carry on. Have avoided eating in order to carry on drinking many times.
I feel better just getting all that off my chest already! I wouldn’t admit the extent of it IRL.

Hello everyone, I've been wanting to join this bus for a while but have put it off due to embarrassment/fear/shame. I have had a very troubled relationship with alcohol for quite a few years, it has caused massive problems in my relationship and with my mental and physical health. I fell pregnant last year and had my beautiful daughter in April of this year, going 9 months without a hangover was incredible, however since I have had my baby and stopped breastfeeding my drinking has crept back up again and has started to take over my life. I am so, so deeply ashamed, and I don't know where to turn because I can't imagine that anyone wouldn't judge a woman with a 5 month old for having a drinking problem. My partner is incredible but it's this big secret between us and its eating us both alive. (I think it was very obvious before to both of our families that I had issues with drinking but not since having my baby). I feel like I have reached the depths of despair and I don't know where to turn : (

Hotel This is a great place to actually talk about the reality of what / when / how we drink. Maybe even just that, a safe place, will help..

You can post here whenever.. even if you're a bottle down, it's OK to post.

Roses well done for posting! There is no shame in having this compulsion to drink. What are your plans for this week? What are your habits for drinking? What can we do to support and help you?

Having my first wobble. Complicated history with family and contact with one of them has triggered my anxiety, racing thoughts etc. I really want to numb the pain but I’m only just recovering from hangover from weekend binge. I’d usually reach straight for the wine but I won’t now. I know I need to stop. Just wish I could get outside of my head too.
How do you know if you’re just a problem drinker who uses it to self medicate or if you’re an alcoholic that uses stress as an excuse?
I don’t know what to do next....
thanks for reading, any advice would be appreciated.

Hotelfoxtrot. What can you do, or tell yourself, right now that will help you regulate the anxiety? The simple ritual of a hot bath or a cup of tea? Ten minutes in the garden (if you have one)? A walk. Some people find slow breaths in and out (with the out breath longer) can be calming, or just noticing things in the room/around you. Alcohol problems can be both emotionally triggered and emotionally triggering. It’s a continuum. It’s not the amount or whether you are physically dependent or not that defines a problem.

Thanks Crafty. I did the hot bath and cup of tea, it worked but I think mainly because I’m still exhausted so crashed and burned anyway. I’ve ordered some herbal supplements for anxiety I can take when it gets bad enough that nothing works.
One day at a time seems to be the way to go from what I’ve read on here so will keep that in mind....
Goodnight all!

Hi one and all,

Day 9 for me today. I'm ashamed to admit I haven't gone longer than 5 days for almost a year.

Weekend was tough and I was vile to DP. Thankfully he was very patient and when I was being deliberately nasty after the kids went to bed on Saturday prime drinking time he left me to hiss and spit by myself..... I am sure the next weekend won't be as bad? I was surprised how angry I felt that I wasn't drinking?

I've been keeping a journal and managed to make a list of positive things in week 1

• I didn't drink
• I cooked every day (opening the wine can make me lazy and invariably the dinner I'd planned would end up being a take away for me and DP)
• I went to kids swimming lesson on Sunday without having had a skinful the night before
• my recycling didn't clink with the wine bottles of shame
• I lost 4lbs

Tomorrow is day 10 and I believe that is the day that chemically I am 'alcohol free'

To the fellow new posters, welcome and hello. Baby steps are the way forward

Congratulations on day 10, Crunchymum. You’re doing amazingly. Anger is a powerful emotion and it’s amazing how alcohol can swamp it for a while, not to mention the anger about the drinking. I can empathise with the anger at not being able to drink, then recently I was wandering past the booze aisle at the supermarket en route to the till and it just seemed....a bit weird. Like meeting someone you’ve once been madly in love with and realising they’re just really very ordinary.

Well done Crunchymum on your 10 days sober. And I like the way you have focused on the positives of not drinking.

I am now 47 days sober and still attending AA three times a week. I found out today that one of the 'old timers' at my favourite meeting passed away at the weekend. He had been sober for years and was really kind and welcoming to me. I had a good cry and talked to a few other AA members about him. Something positive has come out of this sadness though, as I plucked up the courage to ask one of the women I really admire to be my sponsor, and she agreed! I also swapped numbers with another woman who is going through the steps, and she has already texted me, so I am feeling very supported in my journey.

I have also started dating a guy from POF (Plenty of Fish, an online dating site) who it turns out is also on the wagon, having been to a rehab facility. He has been sober for 9 months and it is great to meet someone who is in a similar place to me. He was a daily drinker, so a bit different to me, but he still 'gets' it, so I don't have to explain why I am not drinking.

That's great LilyRose and how nice to be looking forward to sharing sober dates - I bet the two of you will have so much more fun than a couple who spend their dates getting drunk in front of a film!

Thank you venusandmars. I seem to have really hit it off with my guy from POF and we have been seeing a lot of each other. It is so good to go out and enjoy a meal and not get absolutely plastered, and wake up the next day worrying about what I said. He doesn't go to AA but he did do quite a long programme in the rehab centre and had some counselling afterwards, so he is in a good place.

I am now 50 days sober and I think I will do something to celebrate today. I am off to AA tonight anyway, but I may treat myself to something lovely when I am out shopping today. And I am meeting my sponsor on Monday for coffee and a chat.

How long until I stop feeling so angry (and pissed off that I cant drink? Even though I completely don't want to drink!!)

Day 13 and I'm fed up. Although the weekend is a massive trigger. I'm usually pretty sober in the week [even Friday nights to a degree] but I always drink on a Saruday and Sunday. Last week was horrendous and this week isn't feeling much easier.

crunchymum I don't think there's a number of days or weeks or months.... But while you're in the zone of being determined, have a look at what is making you feel angry - it might be part of the key to your drinking habits and your thinking habits...

e.g. 'I feel angry because someone else is saying 'no' ' (your inner child rebelling against authority)
or 'I feel angry because X can drink one or two glasses, and then stop (god do they not know how to let their hair down!)'
or 'I worry that without a drink I will be mousey, and quiet and dull, and I'm angry that I need alcohol to make me lively and gregarious'
or 'I'm angry that I'm so in thrall to this 'drug' that it make me feel irritated and cross when I can't have it'
or …. so many other thought patterns

Step back from the feeling of anger and look at what is making you angry... if you can deal with the underlying cause, you're a long long way on the route to a happy life.

Hello! I've been a bit antisocial absent. We went to the Outer Hebrides for work/holiday (and theres a story in itself) and then had to have one of my beloved dogs put to sleep when we got back. Just catching up on the thread and waving welcome to all the new babes.

MInt. So sorry to hear about your dog.

Aww mint all your little dogs are sweethearts, so sorry you've lost one.

Every time I see your name on here I'm transported back to that magical day at Glencoe xx

I came looking for this thread as I am considering giving up drinking.

After a summer of excess I decided to cut down about 6 weeks ago. Then 2 weeks ago I decided to stop drinking for “a while”. It’s going well mainly because I have actively avoided situations where I would normally drink.

I am not sure if I want to stop totally or stop for a time to reset my drinking. I don’t know if that is even possible.

I seem to find it difficult to moderate my drinking. I can go days/weeks without alcohol but once I pour that first drink I find it difficult to stop at one.

The hangovers seem much worse now I am older. It takes me days to feel normal again and I just don’t know if it’s worth it.

I want to lose weight and get fit. Alcohol keeps getting in the way of that.

Both my mum and mil have/had problems with drink. I don’t want to become dependent like them.

I can think of much better things to spend my money on.

Anyway I am now going to go back and read the thread but I just wanted to mark my progress and thoughts at this time.

Hi Belindabelle nice to have you on the bus.

Hey Belindabelle and welcome.

Whatever you decide to do is OK here - stop completely forever stop for a while, moderate, stop-and-start, stop-and-start, stop-and-start.... even if it's on a daily or weekly basis.

We're here as a space where you can express your trials and your tribulations, whatever they are.

Hello brave babes (feels so wrong to use "babes" on MN !!)

Hope all is well.

Today is day 24 for me. It's been a year since I did this long managed 8 weeks this time last year but its been a lot harder? Mainly as last year I stopped for medical reasons and didn't really think about it whereas this year I have stopped because my drinking was becoming problematic and I am thinking about it loads [I am keeping a journal - which is something I want to do]. I guess the main difference is this time I really need to stop for good!

Have lost half a stone, but can't say I'm feeling amazing? I still am not sleeping brilliantly or feeling emotionally balanced.

I am avoiding life at the moment (I work 3 days, do the school runs, meet friends with kids in the daytime, do all the medical appointments with DC3 who is disabled etc) but anything that could possibly involve booze is a no-no right now. So for example my sister was going to pop in yesterday and we always have wine, so I made my excuses. I went to see relatives over the weekend but opted out of staying for dinner as I knew the wine would be opened.

I am hoping it wont always be like this? But it feels safer to be away from any temptation at the minute?

Congrats on day 24 Crunchymum, you’re doing great. Feels like a big difference between having no choice to stop drinking and making a conscious decision to stop. I’m getting your sense of ‘when do I get to feel good’? Half a stone off in weight is a big change, but changed can feel quite challenging good or bad. It’s sometimes difficult to know what the rewards are when we quit something that was a heck of a coping mechanism. A huge one for me was losing the anxiety and disturbed sleep. Over time my moods have stabilised and DH remarks that I’m different. Your experiences will be unique to you. My weight didn’t change for a whole due to replacing booze with ice cream for some time!

While not whole.... sodding phone!

My first post here. I last had a drink 8 days ago and I think I decided today that I won’t be having one ever again. Which is a fucking scary thought.

Over the past year my hangovers have just been getting out of control and as much as I complain ‘oh my tolerance is so crap, I only had a couple!’ I know I’m kidding myself.

I just don’t seem to have a stop button and as soon as I start drinking I end up overdoing it. Not embarrassing myself, not passing out drunk, but knowing fine well as I’m accepting another glass that I’m going to feel like shit in the morning. But trying to bargain with myself and convince myself it will be ok. It never is.

I go to a lot of work events where the wine/champagne is free flowing and I just can’t say no to a top up.

Twice this year I’ve had to work from home (citing a tummy bug) because I overdid it the night before and felt too ill to commute to work God, I feel so ashamed just admitting that.

Anyway, last weekend was my first booze-free weekend in... I don’t even know how long, and it was wonderful. I got SO much done and felt like I had all this extra time back because I wasn’t spending half of it hungover in bed.

I went to one of those fancy work events last night and just picked up a juice on my way in, and I felt great.

So a strong start I guess? but I still feel terrified and overwhelmed at the thought of never drinking again. I don’t even know why!

@venusandmars Yep. It was a lovely lovely day . Funnily enough I was just looking at the photos earlier.

I've been working solidly so will catch up tomorrow with you all!

lisasimpson welcome!

Don't let the scary thoughts drive you back to drinking. ODAT (one day at a time) is an AA mantra. That is about having the long term view, but knowing that you achieve it one day at a time.

Step by step, day by day. Don't worry about 'forever' create your plans for today, for tomorrow.