I want a family so much that i am struggling to cope watching everyone around me and accepting this. any advice?

[summersadness1]

I'm 36, nearly 37. I have always wanted a family and I have spent so long watching people around me build a life with someone.

I don't want a child alone, for me it is about that family unit. which I know doesn't always last even when you have it. but it just wouldn't be something I would want to do.

I feel as if I need to start accepting that this is the life for me. I have had a lot of dates and I don't mind dating but I have never found the right one. I don't think im too picky and I am open minded, it just hasn't happened. I feel so sad about it and don't know how to move on. all I have ever wanted was that family and I feel like even if I meet someone now, it would be hard having a family as im probably too old.

I am chatting and sociable and have good friendships, nobody would know I feel this way. I have cried every night for weeks now. not coping really. any advice welcome.

@2eternities you need to hear yourself. 'Prioritising' finding a partner doesn't mean sacrificing a career, in most cases a career makes you more interesting and more likely to find a partner! You got lucky finding someone young and OP got unlucky. You didn't do anything right or better, I'm sure OP tried every bit as hard as you to find a partner. These things are mostly down to chance and circumstance.

With age you will learn the benefit of humility and to appreciate the randomness of life. And therefore not to be smug. Before DH died I 'had it all' - two high earning parents, beautiful DD and another on the way. Then he died and I was left to lone parent. Finding him was lucky, losing him was horribly unlucky.

I have a new partner now, despite being of an unattractive age by your standards AND having two DC in tow. Again, mostly luck. But if it doesn't last I am complete in myself and don't fear being alone.

I actually said on a similar thread that the two arnt mutually exclusive and you can still have a job with kids. And most people have a job not aa career anyway. Yes but tbh for most it's easier to meet OHs younger mainly because more of your peers are single but also that yes most people are more attractive Nd have less baggage.

your fantasy family might never exist. You would probably be happier if you made your own type of family. Often husbands dont live up to the fantasy anyway even if you get one

With age you will learn the benefit of humility and to appreciate the randomness of life. And therefore not to be smug.

Ah come on, there’s nothing more smug than someone who happens to be biologically older implying that their age alone confers a degree of wisdom that someone younger can’t possibly possess.

Age alone isn’t an indicator of maturity or wisdom. Those things come through life experiences and how you deal with them. I know twenty year olds with plenty of wisdom and maturity due to life events they’ve lived through and learned from and fifty year olds with charmed lives who can’t see beyond their own experience and have never had the opportunity to develop any other perspective than their own.

I'm sure OP tried every bit as hard as you to find a partner. These things are mostly down to chance and circumstance.

I’ve just re read the OP and I don’t see where OP has stated that (haven’t re read through her subsequent posts so maybe that’s where you’re getting it from). Not everyone does ‘try hard to find a partner’. Many people are happy taking it as it comes and seeing who falls into their lap or are happy enough single until their biological clock starts ticking. After a run of relationships with men who didn’t want children (at a time to be fair when I wasn’t seriously planning them anytime soon myself), the only reason I’ve ended up 31 and pregnant with my OH is because I set out to date specifically to find a man who would be not only a wonderful partner but also someone who’d make an enthusiastic and good father to my children. That took work and foresight, it wasn’t down to luck, I had to be very clear on early dates what I was looking for and be willing to walk away from guys who I may have been into but who I knew would lead to a dead end during the last of my fertile years.

By all means criticise the content of what 2eternities is saying, QuickQuestion2019. But don’t try to undermine her just because she was born later then you were.

@EmeraldRubyShark but @2eternities post does come across as the writing of someone young and lacking life experience. So my comment stands. Not for all 28 year olds, but for her.

I've been reading some of the posts here and I can definitely relate. I'm 47 and I'd love a partner to have a family with. I never meet anyone if and when I go out and dating sites never get results I find from experience.