Other woman of a 18month affair

[Onimod24]

I met a guy, I knew he had a girlfriend of 3 years at the time but the occasional text I thought meant nothing, we started to get feelings for each other we worked together so went for a drink after a meeting and kissed. We never thought anything would come of this at the time and just enjoyed each other’s friendship and company. About just over a month in we found out the girlfriend was pregnant. We both agreed to stop talking and agreed ‘right person wrong time’. This didn’t happen and we continued to fall in love knowing it was wrong but I was in love and I guess selfish.

He told me he loved me and was going to leave her but wanted to make sure she would be ok. Because I loved him/ stupid I supported every early decision he made to stay with her, so he could be at the birth, make sure the house was ready etc etc. It was painful but my focus has always been the infinitive ending. He made some sacrifices throughout the pregnancy, told her he wasn’t happy, didn’t go away on holiday with her and her family because he needed space to think ( he planned out the perfect breakup)

The baby was born and he found a new love as I expected, I’m 25 who would want to be a step mom to someone else’s child unless they were in love. He still assured me it was me he wanted to be with, always treated me like a princess took me away for 5 days. Made promises.

Every time we got to the next deadline of him leaving another excuse would come up of why he couldn’t leave, we argued, he lied I believed, i waited for the next deadline. And so on.

18 months down the line and the baby is now 9 months old, it’s June. In February he told me he had finically broken up with her but need to continue to live with her to support her financially. Showed me ‘fake proof’. Some lies I have caught out and he’s response is I don’t want to loose you if I tell you the truth I will. The new deadline was May when she went back to work and coming up to May it then changed to July. I was hurt I have tried to call things off plenty of times knowing I don’t deserve to be messed around, how can he love me if he’s doing this etc. Blocked him on every social media. But then started to receive emails. We work together which made it difficult to avoid each other but like the idiot I am I forgave him still having my eyes on the future. He made me so happy I was desperate for that feeling again. He was the person I wanted to marry, do every with my best friend. We spoke all day everyday it was hard to believe she didn’t know about me. He had met my family spend most days with me took me to plays and weekends away. The kindest person which is why I loved him.

They had sold there house he told me it was because they’d broken up her and the baby were moving back with her mom and he would rent somewhere with me, we had arranged some time off to view places and he had been sending me links. I went away last minute and he took the opportunity to go away with her behind my back.
, like most woman I stalked her Facebook and saw a new post quoting ‘ lovely break first as a family of three’ my heart dropped I felt sick. I confronted him he replied with I don’t know what I was thinking I want to be with you. He has always said it’s the baby it’s always you, the baby, you back to the baby never her.

In my rage, pain. Thought process of this is the last time he is hurting me I told her. She had no idea about anything. He hadn’t broke up with her. In his anger he told me he never loved me, he never wanted to be with me and blocked me on everything. It’s been two weeks. He’s lied to his girlfriend about what I meant to him and she has taken him back in less that 6 days. Leaving me absolutely heartbroken. I have to leave my job because I can not bare to face him . The girlfriend is almost gloating on her social media that he chose her. He owes me everything and I feel like I’ve lost my world. It was all lies but I believe his feeling towards me were real. If I hadn’t of seen her Facebook we would still be talking now waiting for the house sale to finalise.. and then what would he of done was everything a lie? Does he truely love her, will they last? Is it all because of the baby? I keep waiting for him to realise and turn up at my door 💔

Hadn't seen ChristmasFluff's post, that's good advice OP.

Did you honestly think you would get sympathy on here ? You got exactly what you deserved !
I hope one day in few years time you are settled with a husband and a baby , I hope your husband then cheats on you with a younger model so you know exactly how it feels to be humiliated

Well you play games like this and this is what happens and I think you deserve it

You didnt give one shit about his girlfriend and baby until you spat your dummy out, but more fool you as you allowed it by doing this in the first place and running back

No sympathy for you one tiny bit, and as for him, well he's not even worth writing about

Completely agree with Screaming's post.

I can never understand just how silver tongued these princes among men must be, surely knowing they're in a relationship but are still trying it on makes you want to run for the hills, no?

I know men like that target women whose self worth is shitty enough to fall for it, but come on!

Its not even like they're Captain America types either, all the cheats I've known of have a distinct Del Boy/Donald Trump vibe going on, which should surely serve to make them even more repellant?

He owes me everything and I feel like I’ve lost my world.

What exactly does he 'owe' you, OP?

Sorry you are getting such a roasting OP. Take care of yourself, lick your wounds, gather your friends around you and take time to heal. Don't give up your job. If anything, put him in a position where he feel like he should move.

Fuck off. The gut wrenching pain and agony of finding that your partner has cheated on you has to be experienced to be believed. I hope you experience it one day. Pair of lying, selfish cunts.
That poor girl you and that weak excuse of a man deceived deserves so much better, bless her.
What a nasty pair you make

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I completely agree with you. This bring out a particular type of venom her on MN. I have noticed it over and over again.

As someone who was cheated on, and who's exH is still with the OW ( both of whom I get one with), I would say I feel desperately sorry for you. You were repeatedly lied to and he is continuing to lie to you. He may love both of you he may love neither of you, it's not really for any on here to say because we don't know him. He is not the issue here though, you are.

You have been hurt, strung along at times deluded yourself and yes, you have believed what you wanted to at times. It is easy to block out what we don't want to know about. It is also very easy to believe the bullshit that someone who we love is filling us with.

I am not saying that you are a completely innocent party, there is a certain amount of what happened that you have to own, and you will eventually but at the moment you are distraught.

I would recommend you get a therapist and talk with them. Why? Because when people gravitate towards people they can't/shouldn't then there is usually a self esteem issue and now this has crushed your self esteem anymore. Further more you DO NOT want to take him back. He will not leave her. He will lie to you though. You will get through this and you will be ok.

For anyone who would like to reply to this and make comments that I should be more concerned about the wife/partner and baby I would say this......I was there. I walked a mile in the "woman with the baby" s shoes. Many years later I thank the OW for what happened. It was devastating at the time but he was not for me for many many reasons. Narcissism, EA and just generally lying constantly. I didn't see any of this at the time and would have done anything to hang on but I'm so glad now.

Life is not simple, it's not easy and it's sometimes very messy. I think that the women on this page who find it so easy to judge so viciously most be wonderful paragons of virtue who have never said or done anything wrong in their lives. I, for one, am in no position to throw stones at anyone. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life and I'm sure I will make many many more.

Assuming you are young and foolish ,you arent the first or the last woman to be taken for a ride by a guy who thinks youre cute.But is well and truly spoken for Im afraid.Many people will say you got what was coming to you and they may be right.I think you have been used by this guy ,who clearly does not want to break up his new family but is quite happy to string you along!.I think long term he will probably do it again to someone else and his GF is set up for a lot of heartache.I feel sorry for you ,but I think its very unkind to tell her like that on FB .She has done nothing wrong and wants to enjoy being a new mum in peace!.I think you should look for a new job ,go out with your friends and be grateful youre not her!!!.Guys like this love themselves and no one else!

She’s not gloating, she’s trying to keep her family together after you decided your wants trumped the needs of her and her child and tried to smash her family to pieces because you weren’t getting your way. The fact you view it as gloating shows how self centred you are - everything isn't about you. He’s a massive dick who doesn't deserve a partner as forgiving as she is, but they have a child and she has chosen to make it work. You are a selfish girl who needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and realise what a terrible thing you’ve done. You should have walked away as soon as his gf got pregnant. The only one who has hurt you is YOU.

He is a despicable character and you have been extremely foolish and immature.

Get your act together, start looking for another job and move on with your life. No good can come of this fake relationship or the complete and utter car crash situation you’ve both created.

Saying it's not really her fault and he caused all this, does women a disservice.

It turns us into children who cant make our own minds up and so easily led, we cant make a decision for ourselves.

This op made a long seris of choices. She believed him because she chose to. She is responsible for her actions. He is responsible for his.

Stop making women into automatic victims. Women are perfectly capable of making good decisions.

The automatic 'it's not her fault, its him' is the same thinking that stopped women being able to work or have a bank account or any autonomy at all. Because we were deemed to thick and easily led, to make well thought out choices.

OP was more concerned about the ego boost that she got from sleeping with an attached man. She wanted the ego boost of knowing he left his girlfriend for her.

It's back fired. But she is responsible for HER choices that led her here.

OOOoooh he's good, played you like a finely tuned fiddle.. and you let him

Might be worth getting checked for STI’s because you might not have been the only other woman for this gobshite

She’s not gloating, she’s trying to keep her family together after you decided your wants trumped the needs of her and her child and tried to smash her family to pieces because you weren’t getting your way. The fact you view it as gloating shows how self centred you are - everything isn't about you.

I agree with this, OP. She's not 'gloating', and this is not some silly handbags at dawn Jackie photo story school romance situation where Lisa steals Darren off Melanie down behind the bike sheds. She's dealing with returning to work after maternity leave in the knowledge that her partner and the father of her small baby has been longterm unfaithful to her.

It's also depressingly funny that you think of it in terms of him 'choosing' her over you. He will have been begging her to take him back, and she has probably, rightly or wrongly, decided to give it a go for the sake of their baby.

Well op, you ended up heartbreak and basically, nothing. That is a lesson that you would do well to thoroughly learn. Don't do anything like that again - he may well do it again with someone else!

I'm not going to pile any more guilt or pain on you, you're suffering enough.

Onwards and upwards.

He had no reason to break up with her, seeing as he had his cake and was eating it too.

I'm not gonna lie, it's awful to get involved with someone who is in a relationship. If they wanted to be with you, they would have.

But I wouldn't waste tears on this guy either, he's clearly no prize. He's a cheater and a liar, why would you be mad you didn't end up with him?
Consider it a bullet dodged and learn from the experience.

It doesn’t sound like OP feels any sense of guilt

Live and learn OP. Get STI checked though

Fuck me.. poor YOU eh!? Not that poor woman who thought she had her happily ever after the house the man the baby and to find out he was messing around with you the whole time.

He used you OP and the best way to get back at him is to move on, this wasn't love it was a lie and you deserve a real man 1000X better than him!!!

He will move on to another woman trust me and his wife will keep taking him back!

He owes me everything and I feel like I’ve lost my world

He really doesn't and you really haven't. You made some stupid and selfish decisions and are now facing the consequences. Let this be a lesson for you and remember that in general, men who cheat don't do it because they think the other woman is special. They do it because they think they're special and deserve to have their cake and eat it.

You need to explore why you think so lowly of yourself that you'd consider a man who is willing to cheat on his pregnant partner a prize.

@Proteinshakesandtears 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

The only silver lining in this is that despite the pain you feel, it's nothing compared to that of the girlfriend, if there is possibly any comfort to take from the sad fact.
I don't know what you were expecting, you foul woman.

@Proteinshakesandtears couldn't have said it better.

Its the absolute lack of remorse from the OP too, the poor me playing the victim attitude. Had the OP been seventeen and obviously could see the wrong in what she'd done I suspect everyone would have been more supportive.

Twenty five is no way young enough to play the naïve victim card. OP is a grown woman, time now for her to face the fallout of the choices she made rather than whining about how he "owes her everything" and taking no responsibility.

You lay down with dogs, you get fleas. Undoubtedly the guy is a repulsive arsehole. As a PP said, get some therapy, work on your self worth, take responsibility for your shitty decisions and learn from this OP

Fool!