Dating...but no sex?!

[jaffa678]

I’ve changed my name for this. So I’ve been dating a guy for approx 7 weeks and we’ve met up around 10 times. He’s lovely, very good looking , charming, seems very interested in me, we have some lovely conversations and There’s a massive spark between us when we’re together.

Ok, so because of previous relationship break downs I’m currently back at home with my parents and so is he. It’s a temporary situation for us both.

However, I feel really frustrated haha! After 10dates we’ve only kissed, nothing more! He doesn’t talk about it! Or ever mention it. It’s just we have a really great date and then kiss bye and that’s it!! I have not dtd now since December !! And it’s driving me insane haha! I’m quite a quiet person so I would never dream of bringing it up to him. He mentioned about us going away in august! But that’s forever! And even then he was like it would be great to spend some time together lots of cuddles! Haha I feel like I am the one with the testosterone here!! What’s going on??!!

Maybe he is just a gentleman and respects you. When I was dating dh he'd come round we'd kiss/cuddle /snog but he didn't try it on. I had to bring it up to him 🙈 he just said he wasn't sure if I was ready so didn't want to take things further.

@gerbilfun how did you bring it up? Haha

He was chatting away and I just butted in and said "why haven't you tried to have sex with me?"
He was kinda stumped lol I don't think he was expecting it. We had sex that night and then 6 times the day after but it worked!

Ahh that’s good! I bet he was red faced! How far into dating was that? I want to broach the subject 🙈 I might just take your technique on board

Is it just a quick peck, or is it a lingering long kiss? If it was me, I'd invite him to dinner in a hotel and book a room, and see what happens. Doesn't have to be sex, just lots of cuddles and some foreplay.
I admire your restraint OP

8 weeks. I was so sexually frustrated that I had to say something. I didn't plan too though because I'm not that forward. He was blabbering on and sex was all I could think about and before I knew it I'd blurted it out 🙈 he was dumbfounded but it worked. I don't think men get our hints, I think you have to being very blunt with them sometimes 😆

@shitpark he kisses me quite a lot on our dates and most of the time it’s a lingering long kiss. I never thought I would want sex so badly 🙈🙈😂 I feel very attracted to him and I fancy him a lot and he says it’s mutual, I just don’t know how to push it 🙈

Maybe he's one of those who needs a strong emotional attachment to have sex. Why not ask? Personally that wouldn't work for me, but I'm neither am I bothered if I have sex with someone and then he wants to be one and done.

@gerbilfun it’s coming upto 8 weeks for me too! I may have to have a few drinks first because I am not forward in the slightest. And then blurt it out haha, in a non psychopathic way haha 😂

It's hard if you both live at home, i mean where would you dtd?

Can you turn up the intensity of the goodnight kiss? THen suggest you should go away sooner than August...

also have you had the exclusivity / where is it going chat?

I personally think having sex with someone after meeting them ten times is pretty quick, but it’s different for everyone. Just talk to him about it, if you can’t talk about sex with someone maybe that’s a sign that it isn’t time yet.

Could you book a cheapish hotel?

I think I would have suggested a hotel by now...

"Why haven't you tried to have sex with me?"We had sex that night and then 6 times the day after
I shall be using this approach from now on.

I think there might be a bit of game playing from him here. It’s quite an old chestnut to make women doubt themselves, or thing something is wrong as you have by your OP.

Hope I’m totally wrong.

@SleepingStandingUp no weve not had the exclusivity chat, I don’t know how to broach it? We have been meeting once, sometimes twice a week, would you mention this face to face? We talk a lot on text of a night time? He seems really keen, I’m quite lighthearted and jokey so would struggle to bring this up? Or wouldn’t even know how to hint at this! I was in a very long relationship so this dating world is a mine field haha

Male view. Could be various things. Quite rightly, we are made more aware of the need to establish consent. And that's not always easy. He may be shy. He might be terrified as to what will happen if he has had erectile disfunction in the past. He may feel seedy about saying 'let's get a room'. He might want to wait.

Suggestion - talk about it, but nearer the start of the evening than the end. When you're arranging where to eat, which film to see, whatever, say 'and if you'd like to, we could get a room'. See what he says. Good luck.

@NameChangeNugget hmm I’m not too sure, maybe he’s just playing hard to get! I don’t think he’s making me doubt myself though but I could be wrong! It is early days

@BlokeHereInPeace thanks for a male view on this(think that’s very much needed). The consent issue must be very prevalent more men that I did not consider, so thank you. I just don’t want to come across as ‘desperate’ if I mention it, because I’m not, I just feel a massive attraction to him...and natural instincts 🙈 If j stay quiet he may just mention it one day? Haha.

Will these thoughts be running through his mind too?

Maybe say "August works for me, but this weekend also works well for a break away if you fancy it." Then you're just bringing his plan forward.

Since he's making plans with you in August he must be pretty committed and see a future there. So no harm in approaching the sex convo.

@Flyingkites123 ye hopefully he’s waiting for me to broach the subject. Would you approach the subject face to face ?

It’s quite an old chestnut to make women doubt themselves, or thing something is wrong as you have by your OP. tbf, both of them live with parents, its only been 7 weeks, it's mot like he's leading her on then sending her home etc.

OP do you have the big girl pants to suggest a weekend away sooner? Maybe have a quick look on Groupon etc or something of interest somewhere you'd like to go then text and ask him if he fancies it. If he says yes ask if he's ok you booking a double.

Could you book like a tribute night or similar - usually have overnight included in package - means you have an excuse for hotel room and take it from there?

I am finding this quite baffling. Why is it embarassing to talk about sex and admit that you'd like to have it?
Why do you have to wait for him to initiate it or ask why he hasn't yet?
You're both adults and it's 2019!

If you can't talk about it now, how will you communicate what you need/want during sex? Just do it.

@spritesobright I’m not too sure why, maybe it’s still viewed as a taboo subject when it comes to women initiating it! Don’t mean to be sexist, but it’s quite an intimate thing to just casually mention.