Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Dating...but no sex?!

107 replies

jaffa678 · 19/06/2019 20:58

I’ve changed my name for this. So I’ve been dating a guy for approx 7 weeks and we’ve met up around 10 times. He’s lovely, very good looking , charming, seems very interested in me, we have some lovely conversations and There’s a massive spark between us when we’re together.

Ok, so because of previous relationship break downs I’m currently back at home with my parents and so is he. It’s a temporary situation for us both.

However, I feel really frustrated haha! After 10dates we’ve only kissed, nothing more! He doesn’t talk about it! Or ever mention it. It’s just we have a really great date and then kiss bye and that’s it!! I have not dtd now since December !! And it’s driving me insane haha! I’m quite a quiet person so I would never dream of bringing it up to him. He mentioned about us going away in august! But that’s forever! And even then he was like it would be great to spend some time together lots of cuddles! Haha I feel like I am the one with the testosterone here!! What’s going on??!!

OP posts:

NewMe2019 · 20/06/2019 21:56

With respect, that is rubbish. Mine and DPs first date was purely set up to have sex. It was never meaningless.

Original poster

jaffa678 · 21/06/2019 18:31

@NewMe2019 I agree that it is not meaningless. Some people have a spark and an attraction and just go with it. It’s worked for you

OP posts:

Flyingkites123 · 27/06/2019 17:54

@NewMe2019 what happened?

NewMe2019 · 27/06/2019 21:12

@Flyingkites123 in what way?

AFistfulofDolores1 · 27/06/2019 22:54

I think you need to find your voice, OP; to start talking about things that embarrass you. It's the only way forward that's healthy. The alternative is shit sex between two silent partners.

Original poster

jaffa678 · 28/06/2019 00:15

@AFistfulofDolores1 I’m ok once the subject has been mentioned I can talk, it’s just I don’t know how to bring it up and how inappropriate it would be

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 28/06/2019 00:23

Jesus Christ. Threads like this do my head in. I assume you are an adult, op, so act like one. Talk to him and ask him about all the things you're wondering about. If he is also an adult, he will gladly have the conversation. If you are too immature to have a frank discussion about sex you shouldn't be having it.

1forAll74 · 28/06/2019 01:20

I agree with Aquamarine1029.I was just going to write the same as. Why is it so difficult,and problematic,to not be able to get to grips with this sex problem, and also to post on here about it is so naff. The mind boggles with all the problems of modern relationships these day !

TigerJoy · 28/06/2019 01:49

Lord, I've almost always made the first move!

Tell him you'd like to go to bed with him. Literally. "I would like to go to bed with you". Sooner than August. I bet he'd find a hotel room pretty quick! This covers a multitude of things - if you / he just want to fool around and don't feel ready for penetrative sex that is fun too. If that's his issue then make it clear you would just really like to be intimate with him. However I doubt it - he is probably just shy / cautious / taking his cues from you.

In my experience men don't mind it when you tell them you want them!

Flyingkites123 · 28/06/2019 02:18

@NewMe2019 I meant did you manage to speak to him about it? Or not speak and just have sex? I don't think it's an issue if been too immature to have the conversation I think it's an issue of being that vulnerable with someone.

But do agree with @TigerJoy, just tell him what you want. Worst that happens is he says no but at least you know where you stand. Don't think that'll happen though, think hell be a keen as you are

happyasasandboy · 28/06/2019 02:45

How to bring it up depends on how/when you see sex happening when you both live with your parents, surely?

"I have the house to myself on Saturday. Do you want to come over for dinner? You're welcome to stay overnight if you'd like."

"I've really enjoyed tonight, and wish it didn't have to end now. Maybe on Saturday we should get a room in town/arrange overnight babysitters so we don't have to end the night by midnight?"

Could it be that he hasn't made a move because there's not been much chance? I'm not sure I'd be comfortable making a move when I think the other persons parents might pop in to offer a cup of team any second!

Wallywobbles · 28/06/2019 03:42

Book a hotel room. Elephant in the room by now surely.

Her0utdoors · 28/06/2019 04:51

It's a game some men play, not very attractive in my experience. Leave him alone and find someone with a healthy attitude to sex.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 28/06/2019 07:51

There are three simple words you can say that will immediately make his intentions and his attraction to you very clear:

"I want you."

But do you?

Original poster

jaffa678 · 28/06/2019 08:31

Yes I do think it’s defintley down to not having the opportunity to do it. We went out last night and he mentioned that if he had this own place it would be great for me to go over quite a bit so he can ‘cook meals for us’ 😂 I think he’s just very shy. It’s always me to bring things up. I’m sure we will get there soon. He’s mentioned about going away in July and staying away in a hotel for the night so I will have to keep you all updated. Haha it’s just frustrating !

OP posts:

Moralitym1n1 · 28/06/2019 08:44

It's a game some men play, not very attractive in my experience. Leave him alone and find someone with a healthy attitude to sex.

Men don't come out of a clone factory any more than we do.

Whereissummerthisyear · 28/06/2019 08:45

So he wants his own place so he can cook for you and he wants to go away for ‘lots of cuddles.’ Hmm why isn’t he telling you he can’t wait to rip your clothes off? He should be gagging for it by now. Alarm bells for me sorry.

Moralitym1n1 · 28/06/2019 08:46

Just go with the July hotel thing op; it's nearly July.

Presumably if things go well you'll be in s relationship and having sex with this guy long term; what's the huge rush. I've never regretted delaying sex.

Moralitym1n1 · 28/06/2019 08:48

Maybe he's shy/gentlemenly/cautious.

Better than the poster on here being told by her bf he was going to "ruin her".

Original poster

jaffa678 · 28/06/2019 08:51

@Whereissummerthisyear I don’t understand what the alarm bells are?!

OP posts:

Whereissummerthisyear · 28/06/2019 08:51

Yes fair point, hopefully it’s that except op wants more. Anyway it’s not long to wait till July or August so you will soon find out if he’s up for it.

Whereissummerthisyear · 28/06/2019 08:53

I mean you are not getting the sexual vibes from him.

Original poster

jaffa678 · 28/06/2019 09:07

@whereissummerthisyear he’s a really sensual kisser and when he mentioned about us going away on a city break soon he mentioned about wanting to stay in bed with me all day one of the days. So hoping that’s him pointing towards his sexual side

OP posts:

OhNoooNotAgain · 28/06/2019 11:10

I'm thinking an alternative would be to book a surprise night away for your parents so you can have him stay over?

brellas · 28/06/2019 11:28

Oh I was in a relationship like this once for about 3 months. And it drove me absolutely insane!

Everything was there but the sex. We even went on a weekend away....no sex.

I couldn't figure it out at all. We ended up having sex once and that was it.

Like you, I posted on a forum and got lots of 'he sounds like a gent' replies.

Well he wasn't as he dumped me 😂 I can laugh at it now but at the time it was a total head f**k.

I hope for better things with you op.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread