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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What is going on with my coworker?

143 replies

FloMo98 · 19/06/2019 18:17

I had a lunch meeting with my coworker who's married. We both sat down across from each other and I noticed that he started tugging on the collar of his shirt for a few seconds. Then, he started touching his face. He started rubbing his mouth area and the sides of his face with his hand throughout the start of our conversation.

Soon after, he started copying my actions. I hand my elbow on the table with the tips of my fingers rested against my lips and soon after he did that same position that I was in. Or if I were to shrug my shoulder while talking to him, he'd shrug his shoulder right after me while he'd be listening.

Since we know each other well, this coworker of mine would usually give me a friendly hug and I'd accept it. Most of the time after he starts talking to me after the hug, his voice would get a little shaky while speaking. But this time before I left, he stuck out his hand for a handshake and I shook it. He's never done that to me before.

Why did he do that?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

OpinionatedCyborg · 19/06/2019 23:16

Oh look, you found a pal in @brownbear1 maybe you can get together and discuss how not to behave in the workplace.

BummyKnocker · 19/06/2019 23:18

Just get over it, he might like you, he might not, you seem to need some validation of a married man fancying you.

How old are you, 15? Step back and get a grip FFS. More at stake here then your ego stroking.

EAIOU · 19/06/2019 23:18

All first time posters along with birdsong38. Strange that...@OpinionatedCyborg

NotAgainKen · 19/06/2019 23:20

I have literally not heard the phrase 'to like someone (as a person)' since 1990. When I was 14.

Mamamere · 19/06/2019 23:20

Favourite you say... 🎉🎉🎉must make you feel special

OpinionatedCyborg · 19/06/2019 23:21

@EAIOU May have just changed names to establish their desperate woman persona.

brownbear1 · 19/06/2019 23:21

Well, today I tore off a coworker's wedding ring with my teeth so may actually be useful...?

EAIOU · 19/06/2019 23:23

Did you leave their finger intact? @brownbear1

Bookworm4 · 19/06/2019 23:24

we were having a moment where I was acknowledging a sense of appreciation towards him
Eh? Who talks/thinks like this? Go read a book, scrub the bathroom, behave 🙄

brownbear1 · 19/06/2019 23:27

I just wanted to let her know she's not alone in having question marks over someone's behaviour.

Manipulaters and cheaters use these grey areas to get access and make you feel special then they move onto the next victim and home to their partners.

More at stake here then your ego stroking Yes, your own self respect. And if there's children....

The more you analysis it, the more it grows. You like him, he is probably physically attracted to you but let that be that!

OpinionatedCyborg · 19/06/2019 23:27

@brownbear1

brownbear1 · 19/06/2019 23:28

@EAIOU Nope, that prize was all mine.

OpinionatedCyborg · 19/06/2019 23:29

@brownbear1 SHE seems more like the manipulator than he does. She's the one who continues to push and crosses boundaries. It's not the man's fault if you have no control and respect for yourself. If you're in a similar situation, perhaps address your own behaviour and see what YOU can do. Also ask yourself how you'd feel if your partner behaved like you, I bet that'd hurt.

Ginger1982 · 19/06/2019 23:32

@Pinkgin22 she owes the wife not to make a play for her husband.

EAIOU · 19/06/2019 23:33

I often think people encouraging those type people trolls are because they're trying to justify their own behaviour.

If I was ever to be in this situation and DP had done this to me, I'd be gone. Immediately.

i still call troll

Original poster

FloMo98 · 19/06/2019 23:35

I'm just pointing out what is happening. I'm not looking for pals on here, just different opinions that people might have for this.

OP posts:

CheerfulPotato · 19/06/2019 23:40

You’re a bit odd OP 😏

brownbear1 · 19/06/2019 23:41

To be fair @OpinionatedCyborg bad jokes about ring spitting aside, in my situation I have not engaged. I do not talk to them unless I have to, we no longer have 'friendly' chats, if I have to go to their part of the office I wait until they are not there, I blank them if I see coming and going from work. I do not make eye contact.

If I do have to interact, I ask about their partner, never say anything negative about their home life and am extremely positive about their relationship.

I am advocating that the OP do the same for her own sake. This dance will drive her crazy and it's a contest she will never truly win.

My opinion is that he likes you and you should cut him off now before you cross the line.

DBML · 19/06/2019 23:53

Hi Op

This man could be doing/feeling a number of things, but as we don’t know him, we just can’t tell.

I sometimes find myself mimicking behaviour when slightly nervous or awkward...for instance when I went out with colleagues I don’t know that well. It didn’t mean I fancied them, just that I was awkward around them.

He might guess you fancy him and therefore feel that he wants to be kind to you, but also wants to set boundaries.

He might be a complete scumbag and flirting with you. Trust me, this is the worst scenario. If he’d do that to his wife, how would he treat you? This last possibility should be a huge red flag, as decent men don’t behave this way.

I’m all for being friends with colleagues and I don’t have a problem with male/ female relationships, but as you ‘like him’ and seem to be hoping he likes you, to protect yourself and others you need to back off. You need to distance yourself and put your professional head back on. You need to remind yourself that he will not leave his wife for you. At most he will likely use you. There is no happiness to be found with a cheat. Ignore his body language and get some self respect.

Good luck

Pinkgin22 · 19/06/2019 23:55

@Ginger1982 no she doesn’t. She doesn’t owe her anything. Plenty of women came on to my exes even after knowing they were taken, oftentimes whilst I was still stood next to them. But my exes did nothing because they’re not cheats. Stop blaming women for men who cheat.

Lefty1 · 19/06/2019 23:56

I am picturing this “moment of appreciation” , was it something like this ?

Original poster

FloMo98 · 20/06/2019 00:04

@Lefty1

Seemed to look that way for the both of us during that moment quite frankly.

OP posts:

OpinionatedCyborg · 20/06/2019 00:04

@brownbear1 You have done the right thing, but it appears you were aware of boundaries and understood where you were heading was not right. As you said, you took control and did not let it go further, which is always the right thing to do. I don't think OP will take your advice however, she seems to want to massage her ego.

I mean, I completely believe men and women can be friends. I also understand that you can fall for someone else even if you're in a relationship, but I do believe in those situations you have to be honest with yourself and the person you're committed to. Then, go and do what you want. It's deceit that is wrong and often than not that's what hurts people the most.

Lefty1 · 20/06/2019 00:14

So a bit like this ?

I think you need to draw us a diagram OP so that we can provide a really give a meaningful opinion

Lefty1 · 20/06/2019 00:15

Anyone else want a diagram ?

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