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Original poster

What is going on with my coworker?

143 replies

FloMo98 · 19/06/2019 18:17

I had a lunch meeting with my coworker who's married. We both sat down across from each other and I noticed that he started tugging on the collar of his shirt for a few seconds. Then, he started touching his face. He started rubbing his mouth area and the sides of his face with his hand throughout the start of our conversation.

Soon after, he started copying my actions. I hand my elbow on the table with the tips of my fingers rested against my lips and soon after he did that same position that I was in. Or if I were to shrug my shoulder while talking to him, he'd shrug his shoulder right after me while he'd be listening.

Since we know each other well, this coworker of mine would usually give me a friendly hug and I'd accept it. Most of the time after he starts talking to me after the hug, his voice would get a little shaky while speaking. But this time before I left, he stuck out his hand for a handshake and I shook it. He's never done that to me before.

Why did he do that?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
HeckyPeck · 19/06/2019 19:49

I’d say the handshake instead of the hug shows he’s backing off.

You said you’d quizzed him before about copying you so maybe he feels uncomfortable now?

burnyburny · 19/06/2019 19:54

I had confronted him about his behavior and he's sort of brought it down a bit, but I don't know.

What behaviour? Hugging you?

Hellywelly10 · 19/06/2019 20:03

Id suggest you read the 1000+ threads on here about coworker crushes.

Gazelda · 19/06/2019 20:05

Yep, I immediately thought of Birdsong38 too. There seems to be an epidemic of workplace friendships that are in danger of turning into something more while the OP insists they'd never do such a thing.

Zoflorabore · 19/06/2019 20:11

Sorry but I don't believe for one second that you wouldn't do anything, why all the over analysing?

You are seeking validation, pure and simple. I can't see you getting it here.

Have you read the many threads where posters lives have been ruined by affairs? And you come on here describing his every move expecting to be told the signs are good!

Well I'm shocked you managed to get any food in your mouth at all seeing as your eyes never moved from him. He's probably petrified after being stared at constantly.

Aim a bit higher for yourself op. This is just embarrassing.

Original poster
FloMo98 · 19/06/2019 20:24

@burnyburny Not so much the hugging, just mainly towards the mimicking bit.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/06/2019 20:27

Ok so you fancy him and want people to tell you he fancies you?

He might, or he might be nervous and hope you don't fancy him. Who knows, we certainly don't.

PrawnoftheShed · 19/06/2019 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sagradafamiliar · 19/06/2019 20:37

Ah yes, Birdsong is who I was thinking of. Amongst other incarnations
Look. Can you change jobs?

comfysocks8516 · 19/06/2019 20:38

Avoid him - he is married, and it sounds like you want it all to mean something. Don’t let it

bigtoes · 19/06/2019 20:38

Maybe he's on drugs.

BentNeckLady · 19/06/2019 20:41

Id suggest you read the 1000+ threads on here about coworker crushes.

I think she posted most of them.

category12 · 19/06/2019 20:43

I think she posted most of them.

Grin Grin Grin

TitsInAbsentia · 19/06/2019 20:48

You need to move to a less huggy workplace....we don't do hugs where I am...

ThatCurlyGirl · 19/06/2019 20:51

@BentNeckLady

😂😂😂

managedmis · 19/06/2019 20:54

Coffee too hot? He needed to trump?

Who knows?

AnyFucker · 19/06/2019 20:57

There are some strrrrrange people in this world

LellyMcKelly · 19/06/2019 21:00

If he mirrors you he probably does it to everyone. Stop creating drama where there doesn’t need to be.

SouthernComforts · 19/06/2019 21:03

Id suggest you read the 1000+ threads on here about coworker crushes.

I think she posted most of them.

I'm trembling with laughter at this.

dontgobaconmyheart · 19/06/2019 21:13

He sounds really pathetic and a weirdo tbh OP- what is there to fancy exactly? His appalling social skills and rubbish, rubbish (not even) garbled compliments, or the fact that he's married but is happy to behave like a prat at the workplace going around trying it on with women he fancies at work and hugging in a corporate environment HmmConfused. I cannot express how embarrassing I'd find all this if I saw it going on at work, it reflects poorly on all involved.

Sorry to be blunt but feeling you are special because you got a hug is a bit tragic OP, and you can do better- its schoolyard stuff. You're not special, because he has a wife, so you are already one of two (minimum) he has feelings for or fancies right off the bat. I am sure he does an awful lot more than shake her hand and hug her.

My advice is that it doesnt matter what he is doing and why- you fancy him and clearly are micro analysing in the hope of crumbs from him and feel miffed he has 'downgraded' you to a handshake. He may well fancy you a bit, but so what- it means nothing. You only know him 'at work', and anyone with life experience knows that work and real life are separate kettles of fish.

Use your time for more worthwhile things OP, just because you fancy someone and think they fancy you, does not make it fair game. Just because you can have something doesn't mean you should . I would instead query why my self esteem is low enough that the attentions of this person give me a boost.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 19/06/2019 21:21

So what if he fancies you?

I remember having a conversation with a coworker years ago, and he casually mentioned that he fancied someone in the office but she had a boyfriend. I assumed that this was some sort of big deal and he was telling me because he wanted to do something about it. He was surprised at my reaction and explained that he had been attracted to most of the women in the office at one time or another, and to him this was not really surprising or noteworthy. It didn't make him lovesick or miserable or preoccupied, it was just a thing that happened, no big deal.

Crushes happen. Its not anything to get hey up about.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 19/06/2019 21:30

I’m cringing for you OP, he was probably nervous because you were staring so intently at him watching his every move, your eyes must have been darting all over him, way to go to make someone feel uncomfortable, and as for actually telling him he copies your actions, he must think you are loony tunes, no wonder he shook your hand, now that is a definite sign he wants to keep your relationship professional, leave the guy alone.

MadameButterface · 19/06/2019 21:35

Oh god it’s you

Yes he is probably overwhelmed by your beauty etc that is why he acts awkward

TheBogWitchIsBack · 19/06/2019 21:35

Oh please, this is most blatant ‘please tell me he fancies me’ post I’ve ever read.

Perhaps he’s acting strangely because he’s uncomfortable with the fact that you fancy him. The handshake was perhaps a way of setting boundaries.
In the kindest way possible op, give your head a wobble.

Lefty1 · 19/06/2019 21:47

Because he has correctly concluded that you are they type of person to be flattered by the possibility of being a mere bit on the side and thinks that copying your body language is all he needs to do to send your head into a wee spin ...starting threads on forums, analysing his body language and the like . Embarrassing really.