Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is going on with my coworker?

143 replies

FloMo98 · 19/06/2019 18:17

I had a lunch meeting with my coworker who's married. We both sat down across from each other and I noticed that he started tugging on the collar of his shirt for a few seconds. Then, he started touching his face. He started rubbing his mouth area and the sides of his face with his hand throughout the start of our conversation.

Soon after, he started copying my actions. I hand my elbow on the table with the tips of my fingers rested against my lips and soon after he did that same position that I was in. Or if I were to shrug my shoulder while talking to him, he'd shrug his shoulder right after me while he'd be listening.

Since we know each other well, this coworker of mine would usually give me a friendly hug and I'd accept it. Most of the time after he starts talking to me after the hug, his voice would get a little shaky while speaking. But this time before I left, he stuck out his hand for a handshake and I shook it. He's never done that to me before.

Why did he do that?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
FloMo98 · 19/06/2019 21:49

All I'm trying to do is to gain some insight from other people about the situation in order to protect myself and others from any future potential harm. I haven't been trying to stare him down or anything like that. In fact, I make it seem like I'm not looking at him directly whenever I'm around him, but I always try to be very aware of what goes on around me. I'm not thinking about trying to do anything to ruin a marriage at all.

OP posts:
Lefty1 · 19/06/2019 21:54

@FloMo98 oh well in that case , I suggest contact the wife and ask for her opinion. Does he usually loosen his tie and touch his face? Advise that you’re really concerned as he could have Ebola / swine flu . Explain you’re only trying to protect yourself and others from this very real threat as sometimes he hugs you. Biscuit

burnyburny · 19/06/2019 21:56

If you really think you or anyone else is at risk of potential harm from your friendship with him, then simply walk away from it.

Original poster
FloMo98 · 19/06/2019 21:56

Plus, after I had told him that I liked him (as a person), he said that he was glad that I had said that and that he liked me too.

OP posts:
TheSheepofWallSt · 19/06/2019 22:02

OP... were you actually born in ‘98?

If so this is kind of forgivable... young naive etc. Lots of us have been there.

If not you need to grow up, very quickly.

bluebell34567 · 19/06/2019 22:02

do you think he would cheat his wife?

Lefty1 · 19/06/2019 22:03

What like this ?

What is going on with my coworker?
AtrociousCircumstance · 19/06/2019 22:10

Sounds like you make him uncomfortable. You do sound intense with all the confronting him about nothing etc.

Nemesia1264 · 19/06/2019 22:14

I agree with @AtrociousCircumstance. You sound strange and he's probably very wary of you.

burnyburny · 19/06/2019 22:17

Plus, after I had told him that I liked him (as a person), he said that he was glad that I had said that and that he liked me too.

Why are you feeling the need to tell him you like him, in any capacity?

If you like someone as a friend, (and you do claim to know him well), surely that fact is evident without having to declare it?

Sagradafamiliar · 19/06/2019 22:28

Eyes darting all over him and the 'do you like me' note have had me creased, I'm sorry 😂

Pinkgin22 · 19/06/2019 22:31

Why are people telling the OP to back off? He’s the one who’s married & she doesn’t owe the wife anything?

(Fwiw I’ve never been an OW but I feel like all too often posters make it about how they would feel if this was written about their OHs)

Sagradafamiliar · 19/06/2019 22:35

Should they advise her keep obsessing over him then and crack on?

category12 · 19/06/2019 22:37

Pinkgin22, I think we owe it to each other generally not to make goo-goo eyes at people we know are attached to others, don't we? Bit of a social contract to behave well and have some sort of moral compass.

MaybeMonday · 19/06/2019 22:45

This is such an odd thread because everyone is telling you to stop being silly and you aren't reacting to them.

Maybe you need it to be spelled out very, very clearly.

He is married therefore it does not matter at all why he is behaving like this because you should have boundaries and a moral compass therefore you can shrug it off and not give it any head space. That's what decent people do. Right?

Johngon · 19/06/2019 22:50

Why did you tell him you like him? In what context? Did he ask (weirdo and inappropriate) or was it unsolicited (inappropriate, flirting and obviously going to be met with him awkwardly saying thanks or he likes you too).

I like all of my colleagues but I dont need to tell them explicitly Confused Im also sure I mirror a lot (because I do on purpose as I have to make an effort with social interactions or I tend to come across a bit aloof or cold). Doesnt mean anything.
Itchy face....tired?

Forget about it. I would distance yourself from him if youre thinking about it this much.

Original poster
FloMo98 · 19/06/2019 22:59

@Johngon

I told him I liked him because he and I are close and I felt comfortable enough to say that to him. Also, we were having a moment where I was acknowledging a sense of appreciation towards him and that was when I said that I liked him after that. When he said that he also liked me/saying that I'm his favorite, he seemed really pleased about it and he was smiling really big while he said it.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/06/2019 23:03

Fucking batshit

Or fucking wind up merchant

Take your pick. Just like last time and all the other times

brownbear1 · 19/06/2019 23:06

He probably does like you. It's not a good idea to keep dwelling on it because if he doesn't want to cheat then you'll be left hanging.

I've got the same problem, you have to wean yourself off gradually. Keep it in your head.

burnyburny · 19/06/2019 23:08

But if you are close, surely he knows you like him? 🤦‍♀️

Is he not very bright? (Apart from his really big smiling, obviously)

category12 · 19/06/2019 23:08

Yep. I wonder why the regular ones always have a favoured theme? Don't they get bored?

EAIOU · 19/06/2019 23:11

I think it's because silly beggars like us reply to them and feed the thread.

category12 · 19/06/2019 23:12

That'll be it Grin

burnyburny · 19/06/2019 23:12

You can only be his second favourite at best.

What is going on with my coworker?
OpinionatedCyborg · 19/06/2019 23:13

It's so apparent how desperate you are for us to all say that he must fancy you. However, I'm going to be honest I don't think he actually does. Nothing you have said gives the impression he does. The pathetic attempt at trying to show he complimented you did not even make sense, he clearly just got words mixed up - that happens to us all. As for mimicking you, that also happens without humans knowing that they're copying the actions of another.

As for you, you are vile. He's married, you know this yet you're not setting boundaries. BACK OFF. How would you feel if you were his wife and a woman like you was pining for her husband and behaving so desperately?

I do like that he gave you a handshake though, puts you back in your place, hopefully hereafter he avoids you and refuses the friendly hugs.

A small tip for you - try and get the attention of single men.