Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Sunshineandflipflops I assume the oops means you have company 🤷🏻‍♀️. I don't think there's anything any of us can say to persuade you that MrSAS is a headfucker of epic proportions and you're just going to have to get him out of your system however you see fit.

Sometimes you just have to go through the process of coming to the realisation yourself that this isn't the man for you. We've all been there and we'll be there for you when you finally sack this player off, which you will, sooner or later, because you deserve better than the scraps he is offering you.

Quiet Tuesday?! I've seen glaciers move faster than the conversations I've had. Ten matches plus the photobomber don't mean a thing unless they engage with me... 😡

jesuis I think we all agree that MrSAS is a player and sunshine is playing with fire, but if she knows that and feels she can handle it then is there really a problem? I have a similar situation with Mr Mad, I know nothing will ever develop and so does he, but we have a kind of fatal attraction that means we gravitate back together. It doesn’t stop me seeing other men or anything. It’s only twice in my life that I’ve had that full-on ‘fuck yeah’ feeling at first sight of a man, once at 21 and again at 55. So hard to give that drug up.

I agree with @JeSuisPrest whilst I haven't been posting I have been reading. I think when you are on the out side you see more of what's going on. I personally think you are investing sunshine and that he is a player and you will get hurt. I just hope you realise sooner or later that he's a player and you are such a wonderful person you deserve better

Hi to all the newbies and loving your description of your ex jesuis 😂 somewhat cathartic just to let it all out!

too how are you doing?

Agree with jesuis here. A headfucker isn't called a headfucker for nothing. It all seems manageable at the time you're in it. They're the kings of blurred lines and negotiating boundaries until eventually you're up to your tits in it. When the penny drops....depending how far in your are into it, you can end up with your self esteem in tatters. But it is true, sometimes you just have to live it to see the consequences of what you know with your head isn't right.

Just checking in. Can't tell you how much of a whirl-wind week I have had. Meeting someone in IRL is nothing like OLD and none of the rules apply. For reasons that I can't post about... I won't be posting about her publicly any more. But can someone keep me a warm spot on the smitten bench. (truth is I have both cheeks firmly on it with a lot of man-spreading going on), but I need to calm the fuck down otherwise I will blow this or get my heart ripped out, or both.

@Sunshineandflipflops Just don't be blinkered to other opportunities whilst you're having your fun with MrSAS - he is not a long term prospect - assuming that's what you're looking for? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@JeSuisPrest I don't know what I'm looking for but I feel like Mr SAS is good company and we are very compatible in the ways that matter so for now, I'm ok with how things are.

I am still chatting to someone else on Tinder though and keeping my eyes well open to meeting someone who might want more.

I got the grand total of 4 hours sleep last night (I'm an 8 hour girl) and have to host a big event this morning with work but it was worth it 😉

Really happy for you @MrDrummer! I'd love to meet someone IRL. Good luck

I think this is a one where you have to go through it @Sunshineandflipflops but a lot of us on here have been through these situations and can see when you are investing or getting hooked on some form of validation from them. We also know the downfall of that.

So whatever happens remember we are here for you and if you need to talk 😘

Thank you @lifegoes x

Hi *sunshine I think we were in a similar position recently. I knew Me S wasn't giving me what I needed. I confronted him and we had lots of long talks which ended up with him walking away. I won't lie I was heartbroken. But I'm also really proud of myself for setting my standards, knowing my boundaries and sticking to them. I am worth more than half measures. And so are you.

I'm 2 weeks into NC. The first day I had to do it hour by hour. I'm chatting to a few on the apps and has a couple of dates. But I'm focusing on me. And not settling for something that isn't the great and fulfilling relationship that I deserve.

I hope you are ok. Remember to protect yourself. Xxx

Excited to get a message from Mr TooLocal this morning but he basically answered a question I'd asked about himself, and didn't expand the conversation. Then - woohoo! - another message! But...

Him: I bet you look sexy in your gear 😍

Me: If that's the standard of your conversation to someone you've never met, I'm out.

We haven't exchanged reams of messages. I can understand if we had, with a bit of banter and teasing, but there's NO connection there between us. No wonder these men are single...

Feeling a little bit excited as I received a message on Tinder this morning, I haven’t really been looking since last week but this man looks like my type (which is pretty rare), I shall call him Mr Curly. He’s also very local which is rare to find due to living out in the sticks.

@NestOfSwipers That’s depressing. You’re right; it’s not hard to see why men like that are single.

@Lovemusic33 MrCurly sounds like a rare find. I hope he turns out to be nice too. How is the dog search going?

@Sunshineandflipflops I agree with everyone else, but I’d never want you to feel that we’re telling you off or anything. We just don’t want you to get hurt and really believe you deserve much better. But, you are a grown woman and it is not like you haven’t made it clear that you know what you’re getting in to (or continuing to get in to). And, I guess, at least there’s good sex involved. 😆

@Notcoolmum I’m so pleased that you’re in a better place. It sounds like you have your boundaries very firmly drawn and a clear sense of what you deserve. Go you.

@MrDrummer That sounds very exciting. But watch the manspreading. The smitten bench sometimes gets quite crowded.

It’s good that you’re getting a whole weekend with MrC, @JeSuisPrest. Even if you had to negotiate with your grapefruit on cocktail sticks of an ex. I really don’t understand people who don’t want to see their kids. My ex is a total arsehole (to me) but at least he loves DS2 and wants to spend time with him.

@DerelictWreck Several people on this thread (me included) have met people on tinder. It’s no more or less a ‘hook up site’ than any of the other options.

I am a bit aghast that the 30 year old men in London are all going on about making babies on there though. How bloody off putting. Maybe they are (we’re) up here too, but I’m 10 years older than you so I wasn’t looking at them.

Enjoy Glastonbury @SimonJT. I hope you get nice weather. Glastonbury in the mud is grim (I went in 1997 and 1998; we only went back after the swamp of 97 because the weather forecast said it would be hot and dry and you could get tickets 3 days in advance in 1998 because the two previous years had been so dreadful).

Crust I’m going to see a dog today 😁 been keeping it quiet as the last one fell through.

@Lovemusic33 Good to see you back. Hope you're doing ok and hope you get your dog!

Oh. That’s exciting. I hope this one work out for you.

I’m as invested in your dog search as your dating life. 😂

@NestOfSwipers presumably that 'you look sexy' must work with some women - maybe old newbies who are flattered? otherwise you wonder why they do it. I had some good conversations with Mr Runner and could see he's educated and interesting before we got filthy and it got very filthy

@JeSuisPrest I know I shouldn't laugh about your experience with your ex but you are such a funny writer. I also have a shitty ex and pay for babysitters as he doesn't seem to want to spend time with his children or to let me have a social life (he doesn't even know I'm dating).

@Lovemusic33 good luck with the dog. And Mr Curly but I'm mainly interested in the dog

@MrDrummer You can sit next to me on the bench. JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN! You are a nice bloke. I have said it before but you are a funny man. Woo her with your sense of humour and do not push things too quickly.

Thanks for asking coco. I'm ok. Really sorry things ended with MrWow. We've had talks but basically I've hurt him too much to try again. My loss. I had a date Sat but no spark for me. Mr BE and I matched (again) on Tinder. He msg me. Seeing as we're both free, we are going to have another go - see a pattern here, lol - going to have coffee on Fri and talk about what went wrong before. Thing is I know I'm a hormonal bitch/pain in the arse and I over react so maybe I should start with explaining that to him. Then move on to the things that trigger me 🤔🙂.

Really pleased for you MrDrummer.

How are you doing coco?

@NestOfSwipers I get so fed up with the tedious sexist comments on OLD. I actually have a picture of me after my recent half marathon on my profile, but it is not particularly sexy, just me in a running vest and longish leggings holding my medal. I like it as I look happy and natural in it, and it shows that running is one of my passions. I get comments about 'liking a woman in lycra' and I never reply to them. I think it shows a lack of imagination and immaturity!

Mr 007 has a picture of him after a race on his profile too, and it prompted me to contact him as it showed that we have a potential connection. We spent a lot of our first date talking about running, although he is much faster and fitter than me.

I don't have any words of wisdom to offer about the dearth of decent available men in our age range in our area. I have been on so many dreadful dates in the last year, and it is quite depressing at times. I try to be positive but even when I meet someone nice, like Mr 007, I still tend to think that something awful will come out of the woodwork, or they will decide that they don't want to carry on seeing me. Mr 0076 is quite odd in a number of ways, so he might end up being a bit challenging to be in a relationship with, but I have decided to give it a go as the chemistry was certainly there. I am still going to meet Mr Retired on Saturday, just in case.