Overthinking? No response from date

[Splendidsun]

Would appreciate some advice, met a guy from Match, three excellent dates, coffee, drinks and dinner, third date at mine and dtd...this was last Saturday. Messaging and chatting every day.

Date set up for tomorrow, I messaged at lunch to confirm via WA and no response. Message has been delivered and not read. First guy in four months of dating that I really like. Should I just assume for whatever reason he isn't interested now?

I know I mustn't message again but it is hard, thinking how could he have changed his mind about me in one afternoon plus if he has I find it rude that he hasn't messaged me to tell me. Keep checking my phone, this is crazy, I am a grown woman of 46! TIA for sane advice.

Have a lovely date OP

I think when you've been screwed over I'm the pas, it can be hard to not read the worse into everything. And even when they're been sensible, mature reasonable men and not treating you like shit, it an be. Hard to actually feel secure in that.

Good luck have a lovely date.
I would've felt the same as you did for what it's worth, you're not crazy just human

Op if it's any consolation I I went through this exact scenario last year - lovely first few dates and then he seemed unavailable to the point that I thought I might as well call time so I formed a little bright and breezy message (would've done it face to face but he was always busy when I tried to make another date!) saying 'thanks for the last few weeks, but you seem really busy so I'm going to leave you to it - hope life continues to be fun - take care, Doctor' I sat on it for a couple of days just to be sure And all of a sudden things just clicked and we are still going strong a year later!

We've spoken about it and he said he was trying not to look too keen!!!

Way way way too much angst and drama here

You need to be dating other men too you know. Or at least keeping options open or having a life away from this man who you've met a handful of times.

I think you know deep down you're being fobbed off here. He's gone from hot to lukewarm right? On paper he's done nothing wrong but that gut instinct is often right about these things. How was he behaving prior to you having sex?

@DoctorDread that was an excellent message to send! glad you and he sorted it though!

I will be stealing that message if I go paddling in the dating pool again and deem it appropriate!

@QueenOfTheCroneAge 😁

Thanks again everyone!

When your XH does cheat it does screw your self esteem, there is a part of you that believes that you arent quite good enough......didn't help that the OW was my BF so I knew exactly what he saw in her. MN especially AF saved me that year.

Thanks again vipers 😉 off to get ready and then one glass of wine!

Have a lovely time @Splendidsun

Ugh what a pair of scummers you ex and 'bf' were - no wonder it's left you doubting yourself. In light of that it's no mean feat that you've turned things around for yourself, dusted yourself down and got out there dating! Go have fun, do what makes you happy, you deserve it and I hope you have a brilliant evening

Following with deep interest! Hope your date goes well tonight OP - you can relax and enjoy now! I totally get why you had your wobble but go out tonight and have fun!!!

One thing I am interested to know - on which dating site did you meet this guy and which sites do others recommend?
I am 46 and single with two kids.

Absolute hate internet dating but I know I need to get out there! Would be keen to hear any ideas - and I hope you don't mind me asking off the back of your post, it's just as I read through the replies a lot of folks have had success in meeting a long termer - so am interested in thoughts about best ways to meet nice guys!

Duh just re read your post and it was on Match! Sorry!!

Hope all goes well tonight OP!

Men know that the woman is on tender hooks if there is a change in behaviour after dtd

No, we don't by and large.

Hope the evening went well.

Hello, oh my goodness he has just left and we had such a great time, thank you so much for talking me through it otherwise I may have just gone batshit crazy and scared him away.

So he arrived bang on time and we had a lovely kiss and as it was raining we stayed in and had some wine. We had the talk as planned about what we are looking for.

I started. I was explained that I didn't want it date other people, just him. He said he just wanted to date me. Phew. We both agreed if we changed our minds / had doubts / worries we would just communicate. Perfect.

His phone was in his coat the whole evening. At 11pm he asked was it ok for him to get his phone and say good night to DDs. So the fact he didn't read my message when he was out the other night was of course fine. Love the fact he isn't bothered about phone and clearly thinks it is important to focus on the evening in hand.

Anyhow, date this weekend all confirmed and I am going to his house.

Thank you again!

Lulumush, yes on Match, I have had quite a few dates and it has taken about two month to find Mr Smiles, I have also followed the dating thread on here and they name their dates, hence Mr Smiles.

I learnt that too much messaging isn't good, so if keen move onto WA and book in a telephone conversation, I have a few of these and then move onto coffee. At one point I had coffee three times in a week and it was too much especially as I didn't want to have a second date with any of them.

Mr Smiles live forty miles away. He would not have appeared in my search as my radius is twenty miles, but he favourited me, so I looked at his profile and picture and favourited him back. My goodness it is a needle in a haystack, there is a part of me that is so shocked that currently it is working out for me. Of course super early days but for now I am so happy,

Glad it went well 😁

Am really happy for you, Splendid. It is a minefield - I did online dating for three years with varying success and lots of stories to entertain my friends with I'm the pub! I found men my age wanted younger women and men. Having said that, I met some lively and interesting blokes ..I just rarely wanted to have a second date with any of them. Just out of interest, is your chap much older than you?

Just to say it’s “ on tenterhooks “ 🙂

So glad it went well 😁

Sounds like a lovely evening!

I'm glad it went well, but I'm going to be a mardy old bag now and ask you to not make all your dates at his home or yours. Make sure you go out too, or it can all get very domestic and humdrum too quickly!

Hello first three dates we were out and about. We were planning on heading out last night but torrential rain. I agree it's early days mustn't fall into routine ... must say our conversations are far from dull!

I am 46, he is 50. On Match in my search criteria I have men aged 46 to 54 years that I am interested in BUT recently men / boys aged 19 to 25 have been favouriting me and messaging .....very happy to be hiding my Match profile later as being viewed as a potential cougar is not want I am want or looking for.

Right I suppose I better do some work....with a huge smile on my face!

We all have wobbles over analysing stuff, onwards and upwards 😁

so pleased for you