Overthinking? No response from date

[Splendidsun]

Would appreciate some advice, met a guy from Match, three excellent dates, coffee, drinks and dinner, third date at mine and dtd...this was last Saturday. Messaging and chatting every day.

Date set up for tomorrow, I messaged at lunch to confirm via WA and no response. Message has been delivered and not read. First guy in four months of dating that I really like. Should I just assume for whatever reason he isn't interested now?

I know I mustn't message again but it is hard, thinking how could he have changed his mind about me in one afternoon plus if he has I find it rude that he hasn't messaged me to tell me. Keep checking my phone, this is crazy, I am a grown woman of 46! TIA for sane advice.

I learnt early on to let the man do the chasing.
Not to play games but if they liked you they'll make the effort.
Back to back meetings or not.
And those that didn't make the effort weren't that bothered anyway so weeded out the time wasters anyway.
You are the prize.
Set the bar.
'Bright and breezy'

I always come on these threads at a different angle. I'm the ultimate non game player, no need to 'chase' me, if I like someone I'll be very upfront, I can't be bothered to be anything but honest.
When I met dh I was smitten from the first minute of our first date. I didn't hide this, didn't see the point and interestingly he was crap at replying to texts etc but it didn't put me off. He still is but he 100% loves & adores me, so I'm so glad that I didn't listen to anyone who told me to dump him when he was being a bit rubbish at getting in touch!

But this guy had been texting regularly- till now.
No need to dump / just pull back a little.
And letting the guy chase you isn't about being an ice queen.
It's about not always being available-even if you are.
Old fashioned maybe.

I don't see the point in deliberately pretending to not be available? It's just game playing! I made it quite clear how I felt from the off and if dh hadn't felt the same, well then at least I would have known asap.
I made it quite clear I was available

He just had a busy day!! Jeez, not everyone is permanently attached to their phones or in a position to use them.

Ok, more messaging has been completed, he asked to take me out tonight at 7, great I said I will meet you at said bar this was this morning.

Now just messaged to say his 16 year old DD may be coming round for supper so can we make it 8.30pm? The film, "He's just not into you" springs to mind. Shall I just say let's leave tonight, and see each other Saturday, another predetermined date we set or shall I be bright and breezy and say yes 8.30 is fine?

Thanks for advice, I'm guessing this is too hard work at too early a stage to have any hope of working but wanted to check your thoughts too as I seem to be a bit irrational at the moment - overthinking and presuming the worse!

I would go at 8:30. Perfectly food reason for him to change time. If he wasn't as keen, he could have cancelled, but he's just put it back 1.5 hours. If

Good not food and don't know where random if came from!

say yes to 8:30

Yes, I would go at 8.30pm too. I think you will be able to tell if he's gone off you this eve by whether he seems cooler. However, his daughter coming round for tea sounds like a perfectly normal reason to make it later and as pp said, if he wasn't bothered about seeing you, he could easily say she was round for the eve so he had to cancel. I'm all for being independent and not needy but the things you've mentioned that have made you concerned so far would not have put me off x

Does the later time suit YOU, OP? He made a definite time and date with you, but now it's later because his DD MAY be going round for supper? Yeah DC come first, but don't let him dick you about too much. What are your gut feelings about him now?

The acid test will be to notice how many times he checks or uses his phone while he’s out with you.

This^^

I'm not a glued to my phone sort of person but I'm consistent with that and DH knows that. Good luck whatever you do Splendidsun.

I don't see the problem with a later time? Perfectly feasible when he's a parent and he's given you loads of notice.
I'd say stop over thinking it, don't play games and just enjoy yourself!

My gut feeling is that it's over.

I think he wants me to say no to tonight and that he should spend evening with DD rather than come and see me. I haven't responded to message as yet ... pretending to be bright and breezy which is an absolute joke as I feel uptight and needy!

Kinda just want it all over with so can stop fucking thinking about it.

Also meant to say thank you for bearing with me on this, in RL people see me having fun with dating not being anxious about it.

I have a stressful job, lots of responsibilities, lovely home which I work hard to afford ... hate that I am behaving this way!!!!

So....at 4pm I will send message saying, 8.30 fine by me or not a problem with me if we take a rain check till Saturday x

Does that sound ok? If he says he'd rather leave it till Saturday that's my answer ... or should I not give him this option?

Mmm just seen your update. I'll be honest if I were you yes I'd be wondering if he'd have been like this pre-dtd or does he feel like he doesn't need to try as much anymore or if it's just been poor timing of other circumstances. If you meet I'd be cool (and watching his phone!)

Right then, in that case what I would do is tell him to spend the evening with his daughter and reschedule. But that is what I would do, others would just go with the 8 30 date. As mentioned, you could then see if he DOES check his phone!

I'd just reply see you at 8.30, don't over complicate things. Fingers crossed for you!

If you're not feeling like it tonight I wouldn't, sod what he wants.

I wouldn't give the option of a rain check. Meet at 830 and see how he behaves tonight in person. You might be completely overthinking things! You also might not be but you need to give him the chance.
I totally understand why you're overthinking- dating is hard work!

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter that would be my feeling too! sod what he wants! not replying to messages til late, dicking the time about......nah I'd be full Diva!

I'd go for the 8.30 and see him tonight

Otherwise, you've just got a couple more days of torturing yourself until you see him again.

@Splendidsun , I totally get where you are coming from though with the change in response time since dtd.
Good luck anyway ...and remember that Mumsnet and Maya Angelou quote..showing you who they are.

I would say, no problems, shall we leave it until Saturday?

It’s hard to know isn’t it. I’m always changing times and plans to fit in with the million and one other things going on so it could be genuine but I would keep in the back of my mind that he might cancel.