Overthinking? No response from date

[Splendidsun]

Would appreciate some advice, met a guy from Match, three excellent dates, coffee, drinks and dinner, third date at mine and dtd...this was last Saturday. Messaging and chatting every day.

Date set up for tomorrow, I messaged at lunch to confirm via WA and no response. Message has been delivered and not read. First guy in four months of dating that I really like. Should I just assume for whatever reason he isn't interested now?

I know I mustn't message again but it is hard, thinking how could he have changed his mind about me in one afternoon plus if he has I find it rude that he hasn't messaged me to tell me. Keep checking my phone, this is crazy, I am a grown woman of 46! TIA for sane advice.

If you don’t see him until Saturday will you be going through even more angst if he does/doesn’t text?

You're overthinking it. Just meet up with him at 8.30, see how he is and how it is between you and enjoy it. Its only been 3 dates! Leaving it to Saturday is too long, you need to keep the momentum going!

How much does the shaving off of 1.5 hours affect your planned date?
Does it mean it will be rushed due to time pressure?

I hope he isn't shortening the date in order to get the preliminaries over and hop into OP's bed quicker! now I'M overthinking it!

go tonight and watch his phone, that is what I would do.

Another 8:30 vote here.

If you think he’s messing you around or is losing interest, why would you want to arrange to see him Saturday? And if you don’t think he’s messing you around then why are you playing games? Either say you’ll see him at 8:30; or tell him you’d rather not wait around until then and leave it at that with no mention of Saturday.

Really don’t understand all the angst, though, or all this “you are the prize” nonsense and insistence that a man you barely know should drop everything to put you first and if he doesn’t then he just wants a quick shag. He’s met you three times, he shouldn’t be dropping plans with his DD or his mates for you! If a woman posted to say a man she’d met three times was upset because she wasn’t prioritising meeting him she’d be told he was obviously controlling and needy and to run for the hills!

@ComtesseDeSpair he made a date with OP for 7pm. Now it's suddenly come about that his DD MAY drop in at his for supper. The date with OP was set, now suddenly his DD MAY drop in. No firm plans with his DD.

Ok dating rules I picked up on genuinely over 200 dates in 15 years before I met my partner ~(sag commitment phobe so shoot me lol )

1. No response is a response
2. Do not put all eggs in one basket, rotate and bench when needed. Don't think they don't do this to you.
3. Judge by actions and not words, words are just that and mean nothing in dating.
4. If after 3rd date no natural progression revert to the bench.

reasons why this is good. When dating many, and not sleeping around, good old fashioned dates when you date many on rotation signs and red flags they show will be more then obvious. It also stops the desperation to choose whoever is more interested and have someone you want not settle for what you can get.

Dating sites are mental and have to have your wits about you. But it can work found a decent man online, took a few years but I got there :D don't loose hope.

If my theoretical DD, who I possibly didn’t see very regularly, asked if she could come over for dinner; and all it meant was pushing back a plan to meet a man I’d had three dates 90 minutes then I’d do exactly that.

oh and one last thing.

If you do message to confirm and hear nothing within either 48 hours or 36 depending how impatient you are, then offer the day to someone else, again on the bench rotation or whatever and move on.

No response means probably waiting for their first option to come back to them to confirm. :D

I like your style @Scorpvenus1

Its just a 'maybe' the daughter will come over. And if she does, there's surely a chance 8.30 will not be convenient after all?

Op see him tonight at 830 (only if you want to go out obviously!) you sound lovely, but you’re over thinking this! If you want to see him, see him, if he wanted you to cancel he’d have put something about ‘or we can just leave till sat’ etc. He’s into you still in my opinion anyway.

Thanks everyone. He has made supper plans slightly earlier with DD and will be here by 7.30.

Clearly I do have issues. Much better to express here and get sound advice than to go bonkers on my own.

As always appreciate all your messages.

I also have a feeling he thinks I am super chilled / laidback and cool ... which I was till yesterday and thanks to you guys he is unaware that I had a wobble.

Thanks Buster!!! I have had lots of not great first dates .... really quite like this one, hence the overthinking!

Let us know how you get on x

It's good to have varying views on dating here. It's like a gang of mates all giving their perspectives based on their own personalities and experiences!

Yes OP you need to take a chill pill as we used to say. He has responsibilities as do you, give the guy a break. For as long as your enjoying each other’s company then go for it, but don’t assume the worst as you wouldn’t want him to of you if you have a busy day or have to change plans. It’s normal.

Scorpvenus1 has the right idea!

OP; you can be as needy or uptight as you like here - just don't show it in RL to the object of your current affection as he may not be kind enough to let you down gently.

My dating history isn't blemish free on the 'making a tit of myself' front, we all go a bit nutty for people who may not rightly deserve our enthusiasm straight out of the blocks, ha ha.

It's horrible getting wound up in knots this way, and not good for the old anxiety levels, but you might benefit from finding comfort in doing things that make you feel good about yourself and/or steer your thoughts and concentration away from this bloke.

splendid its so hard isnt it. I hate all the overthinking. Its torture. If there are red flags now, walk away. You are worth more than this.

Just saw update, missed that!

Sounds keen enough to me. Just look super hot and confident tonight. Keep in your head that HE is the lucky one.

I hope you have a wonderful night, OP. It's so stressful when they don't reply.

In the early days of me and DH he went a whole day without replying and it sent my anxiety through the roof, turns out he'd left his phone in his car and was dealing with a massive story.

I know how you feel after previously being cheated on too

I think the expected immediacy associated with social media chat has potentially fuelled your insecurities to be honest. He hasn't forgotten the date, seems to be looking forward to it and a "normal" interruption (daughter visiting) has occurred. I'm thinking that if you had known each other for 6 or 12 months and the same thing had happened, you would be a lot more relaxed. In your shoes I would look forward to the date and if the opportunity presents itself, you might casually drop (in a joking manner) into the conversation how much you're enjoying yourself despite having worried a bit that he wasn't interested after the first three dates. We all have different communication expectations and it would be helpful to clarify them to him. Enjoy yourself

Let us know how it goes 🤞