Hi there, a little back story first (some details slightly altered to hide my identity from prying eyes).
I'm in my late 20's, married for a little over a year and I have a DS who is 9. My H is also around the same age and has no DC of his own. We have been together 4 years in total.
I am miserable!!
When we first got together it was a whirlwind, we fell in love quickly and pretty hard. We moved in together after around 6 months, more for financial reasons and because both of our leases were expiring. My son adores him. His DF has slowly been taking a back seat in his life over the last few years, since he remarried, and now for at least 6 months has not seen or spoken to him at all.
H works more than 60 hours a week most weeks away from home and also in the evening and weekends in his office. He has a professional job which has always been his first priority. He had a difficult childhood and has spent his adult years trying to move away emotionally and financially from it.
I work around 30 hours a week but for some months I have been off work with a chronic illness awaiting surgery which is imminent. This has obviously affected us financially as well as having a massive strain on our relationship. Things weren't great before, we haven't had a strong relationship since before we got married (I know that we shouldn't have but as many others before and no doubt since, we didn't want to waste the money and disappoint the guests).
So to now.. Our relationship is pretty much dead in the water but I can't leave. I've been attending a freedom program for a few weeks and I'm slowly learning that H has been emotionally abusing me. For those familiar with the program, he is a class A headworker, amongst others. I have been taking on the debts etc, any credit has been in my name, which has meant I've missed payments as I've been on SSP and H has still expected my full contribution to bills. All of this was with the for-thought of getting a mortgage at the end of this year. H (has extensive knowledge in the area) led me to believe that by doing so we would secure the best mortgage in his name only. He has told me now that this is not actually the case but it's going to be difficult for him to do so as long as I'm going to be living in the house..
The last 6 or so weeks have been the worst. He has been giving me the silent treatment, sleeping in the spare room, working until midnight some nights, not coming home without contact (although this is not new, he has always done this). I think this is because my beliefs have changed due to going to the program and he has sensed change in me. Gaslighting is his speciality and due to my ill mental health in the past, I struggle to understand when he is in the moment and only realise in hindsight which I can't then acknowledge because I'm then accused of 'dragging shit up from the past'. I highly doubt that there is an OW as his is really weird and doesn't like being touched, feels uncomfortable around more than a few people especially if he doesn't know them. He shows a lot of autistic traits (not that this is necessarily a bad thing as DS is diagnosed with asperger's).
I have no family, only a couple of friends, Im completely isolated since he moved me 2 hours from my home town last year for his work. I have no income or savings, only debt. I rely on him solely for help with childcare when I was at work and when I return to work after my surgery.
I'm sorry if you've got this far and you're bored.
Has anybody been in a similar circumstance and managed to dig their way out? Does anybody have any advice? I feel trapped and I don't know where to turn. He changes his mind almost hourly over whether he wants to continue the relationship, I really just don't know what to do anymore.