Is it me, how do I know?

[unhappylady1]

I am generally fairly unhappy in my marriage but scared of making the leap. Often feel I'm walking on egg shells. I'm worried he'll tell everyone what a bitch I am and that I'm to blame as that's pretty much what he tells me as the reason our marriage is failing. He says it's all me, how do I know if it's all me, I'm scared, confused, lonely, desperate and just downright sad. He says I make him ill and that he can't stand being with me anymore.

Please someone hold my hand and help me.

Anyone?

It's extremely unlikely it's all/onky you?

How does he behave towards you?
What are you on egg shells about?

*only

(The first sentence was supposed to be a statement, not a question - can't even blame autocorrect for that one).

I feel he is snappy, grumpy, critical and opinionated.

I'm worried of saying the wrong thing and he'll moan or snap at me.

He saw I was upset tonight and he slammed the door in my face. He's supposed to be my husband and best friend and he won't even talk to me

He sounds very unpleasant, moody and nasty.

Blaming you is a bit of a joke.

Do you have any kids?

Does he give any reasons for all the above?

I'm worried of saying the wrong thing and he'll moan or snap at me.

I see that as a fundamental in a (good) relationship. You shouldn't have to watch what you say (bare Ng anything truly offensive) or walk on egg shells, ever.

*barring

He says it's because of the way I talk to him, that I exclude him when we're in company and question everything he says. He'll often say I treat him like a c**t.

Yesterday he got mad as i wouldn't give him eye contact whilst he spoke - is that normal?

We have no kids no.

I'm sitting here in tears and feel so weak and pathetic

Thank you for being so kind and replying

Yesterday he got mad as i wouldn't give him eye contact whilst he spoke - is that normal?

Unless he was saying something very important that required totally undivided attention and concentration; no.

and question everything he says

Examples?
I don't think you're in the wrong here btw, I'm just trying to clarify what's going on.

Good thing you don't have any kids.

It sounds like he's making you miserable .

You're very welcome.
Hopefully others will chime in to unravel this and give opinions.

I'm sitting here in tears and feel so weak and pathetic

Your relationship and marriage are bad and may end; you'd be a robot not to be in tears and feeling low.

It's a huge, distressing, sad thing to have to end a marriage.

How long have you been married?

Is this of his behaviour recent?

• this behaviour of his

It definitely doesn’t sound like he’s being constructive and trying to improve the relationship, therefore I am quite confident in saying it is not all you, not by any stretch. A true partner wouldn’t be making you feel like this.

You say you’re scared of making the leap. Does that mean you want to end the marriage?

He was talking about a house issue, nothing major and he was trying to explain how something worked.

So for example he might say we can't get the square peg in that round hole, even though I think there's a way, I have to accept he's right and not question him which to be fair 9 times out of 10 he's right but I like to have my input and opinion and ask him to explain why he doesn't think it'll fit.

Morality not recent no, it's been getting steadily worse and feel like we're moving further and further apart and he just refuses to talk calm and rationally. He thinks I have to make all the changes and won't accept we're in this together. How can I work with that sort of attitude

Married 10 years

Princess he is saying it's over, he's said it before but it never happened as I grovelled and apologised even though I don't think it's me. I wish I had the strength to end it. I'm so scared he'll bad mouth me to friends and family and they'll think I'm a terrible person

Hi OP. Firstly this does not sound like you at all!! He sounds similar to my ex. They are very good at projecting onto you and nothing is ever their fault. When I ended things with my ex, I was a complete bitch for doing so and he took NO responsibility for the way he had treated me over the years. All he could go on about was me splitting up the family.
Your DH is an emotional abuser I'm afraid to say.
He will continue to treat you like this and blame you until you are ground right down (like I was).

Crappy but what if it is me? How do I actually know?

even though I think there's a way, I have to accept he's right and not question him

He thinks I have to make all the changes and won't accept we're in this together

So he wants to live in a dictatorship and you don't get a voice.

He sounds like a fkg asshole to be blunt.

I say this a lot but have you read Lundy Bancroft's _why does he do that, inside the minds of angry and controlling men"? It's s really simple book, but incredibly insightful.

but what if it is me? How do I actually know?

Always having to be right, brooking no discussion, closing door in your face .. not reasonable behaviour by a long shot.

No I haven't read it but I will. I have changed as a person but I feel it's him that's made me change. I consider myself kind and loving when I'm treated the same way. I'm so worried he'll tell everyone I'm a bad person. He keeps threatening to tell people we've split up - why does he say that

As for bad mouthing, you present your side to anyone you care about .. if they don't believe you, they're not worth your time.

To brow beat you, control you - is my best guess.