What age for a DD to go public toilets on their own

[Eggshellnutmeg]

This is in relationships as I am struggling with this conversation with my DH.

My DH has told my 6yo to go to the toilet on her own whilst out in public, once was a known venue where she has been many times, recently was a new venue but we were sat opposite the door in a restaurant, a toilet that she has never used before.

My view is that age is too young, heavy doors, locks and other adults not expecting a child to be stood the other side and opening a door onto her.

I wouldn’t want to see a bloodied nose or a hand hurt in a lock or hinge when it would have been just so easy to just have taken her to the toilet.

Resipsa... again... your DH can always take dd to the men's. He will be there to shield her if necessary.

Consideration is given. As I asked below, what's your answer to the dilemma? No one has commented on that.

I would not care myself about your DH but it's obvious that others might

Shield her? From the penises she sees? Well, so long as everyone else's rights are protected then we will crack in with that. Sense as ever here (yes, sarcasm).

I’m 62 and yet to encounter a man in a public bathroom or change facility.

Unlikely to see a penis unless she goes over to the urinals and they are in use.

A penis is not the worst thing to see anyway.

So, in order for your 8 year old girl to feel safe her father goes into the women’s loo and stands outside the cubicle. How do you think another 8 year old girl is going to feel coming out of her cubicle to find an adult man standing there? How would her parents feel?

No. Just read the Australian story about a 7 year old girl being raped and strangled in the toilets of her dance school. Do not let them go alone. Go with and wait outside make sure you can hear they are ok. They need to learn to trust others and use public rooms but 6 is too young. 10 is reasonable.

12 I think for girls.
Not sure about boys, probably 15-16. Fortunately my dh spends a lot of time with our dc and can usually take the boys to the toilet.

“12 I think for girls.
Not sure about boys, probably 15-16”

Please tell me you’re joking.

15-16 for boys? My 7year old is already up to my shoulders, I can just see myself dragging a 6ft tall teen into the ladies (sure everyone else will be fine with that )

My ds is 12 and bigger than me and my stomach still crunches with fear when I send him into the gents by himself. He has ASD and is vulnerable. But I do send him. It’s important for independence.

“My ds is 12 and bigger than me and my stomach still crunches with fear when I send him into the gents by himself”
Absolutely fine for you to feel like that. My 23 year old is currently in Paris on her own and I am gibbering with worry! As you say, the point is to recognise that the fear is irrational and not to act on it or let them see it. Child rearing is a long drawn out process of letting go.

My big fear was that something might happen and he would not be able to react or run and tell me. But I think now he would. Poor little guy, it’s a tough world for him.

DD is 8. I will pop my head in and check even if I don't actually stay in toilets. E.g. In McDonald's last night. DD says she's going to the toilets, I quickly follow, pop head in and see only other people in are a young mum and child - so I go back out and watch door to wait from seat. All depends on the place, but she's definitely in that in between stage. New, unknown public toilets definitely.

Where there is a disability it alters the situation a bit..

I - personally- would not object to a mum helping her grown up son into the women's toilet if he had, say, Down syndrome, cerebral palsy or something else that affected his mental or motor abilities or made him unusually vulnerable (so severe autism could also put him in this category), if there were no disabed toilets.

Men should not be in women's toilets, but I think compassion should be extended in such cases.

resipsa sorry, I was inaccurate as you didn’t say shout. What level of volume would he have to speak at to ensure that every woman in a block of toilets with the doors shut in some cubicles hears him?

You want to prioritise your daughters safety over other children’s, that’s what all parents do. Just because you want that it in no way makes it acceptable for your dh to enter a woman’s loo.

No i wouldn't take boys over 8 to the ladies.

Im rarely out with my dc alone as we do most things as a family now, so dh takes the boys and I the girls, so it is irrelevant for the most part.

But to be honest it depends on the toilets. Some would be fine to go alone around 12, but others definitely not until 15-16.

Not sure what I would do if I took them out alone, probably get them to use safe toilets alone, and plan ahead. And then get them to hold on if around more dodgy ones and wait until we find something safer.

“Im rarely out with my dc alone as we do most things as a family now, so dh takes the boys and I the girls, so it is irrelevant for the most part”
Do they never go out alone?

I don't understand those saying they would accompany their child to the toilets until the child is in their teens. Don't 12 and 13 year olds go around on their own these days? Or are they allowed to go into town, but not to go to public toilets when they're there?

"Some would be fine to go alone around 12, but others definitely not until 15-16. "

What? Some toilets mean a child can't go into them until they're 16? 16 is the age at which a child/young person can LIVE alone, but they can't go to the toilet???

Some would be fine to go alone around 12, but others definitely not until 15-16. Any toilet I wouldn't be happy for my 13 year old to use alone I don't think I'd feel safe going in alone myself either. Completely normal to avoid dodgy toilets or to look out for a friend or family member. Not normal for a secondary school aged child to not be able to use a public toilet alone in usual circumstances.