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Original poster

What age for a DD to go public toilets on their own

147 replies

Eggshellnutmeg · 13/06/2019 21:13

This is in relationships as I am struggling with this conversation with my DH.

My DH has told my 6yo to go to the toilet on her own whilst out in public, once was a known venue where she has been many times, recently was a new venue but we were sat opposite the door in a restaurant, a toilet that she has never used before.

My view is that age is too young, heavy doors, locks and other adults not expecting a child to be stood the other side and opening a door onto her.

I wouldn’t want to see a bloodied nose or a hand hurt in a lock or hinge when it would have been just so easy to just have taken her to the toilet.

OP posts:
stucknoue · 14/06/2019 08:06

About 6 or 7 is ok, but depends a bit on the circumstances. By 8 always

isabellerossignol · 14/06/2019 08:11

My 7 year old son has to go to the toilet alone when we're out without his dad since obviously I can't accompany him.

My 13 year old daughter still hates going on her own and prefers me to wait outside the cubicle. One of the very few times she ever went to the toilets alone (she was with her dad so had to) she came home upset because there had been a man in the ladies. Angry

namdinam · 14/06/2019 08:18

DD is 8 and I let her go on her own if she's comfortable (and I'm not worried about her getting lost on the way there and back). From about six she would go in on her own if there was no woman to go in with her (i.e. she wouldn't go in the men's with DH). The main factor has been ability to reach the taps - she's short!

SignedUpJust4This · 14/06/2019 08:29

A man attempted to sexually assault me when I was 14 in a McDonald's toilet while my mum sat on tge other side of the double doors less than 30feet away.

I'm sorry OP maybe I'm jaded but I never let any female go to the toilet alone unless it's a very obvious safe toilet I can see. If I had a son I'd be watching him too.

Your husband is wrong.

Manclife1 · 14/06/2019 08:37

As long as you think they’re capable of opening/closing doors and wiping then 6 is fine. There’s a risk of being assaulted will be there at any age and I do think MN sees risk disproportionately.

Littlebelina · 14/06/2019 08:50

DS has started to go alone at 7 (his choice) but it does depend where we are. Restaurants, leisure centre fine, wouldn't let him go to some of the public loos where we live (drug issues). Think it depends largely on the child. Wouldn't consider accompanying a teen, they should be fairly independent by that age. As pp says assault can happen at any age so you need to teach them to risk assess.

Babdoc · 14/06/2019 09:02

If I was a man out alone with a 7 year old DD, I think I’d ask a nearby mother if she’d mind escorting DD to the loo and waiting until she was out of the cubicle. It’s not really appropriate to take the DD into the gents, with urinals, and definitely not on for the adult dad to escort her into the ladies.
I’d be reluctant to let her go in on her own, after that poor 10 year old girl was assaulted by a transgender male in the ladies’ loo in Asda in Dunfermline. So many places now allow any man to pretend that he’s “transgender” and walk in to women’s loos unchallenged, it’s open season for predators.

Proggy · 14/06/2019 09:08

I saw a news story where a young boy went to a public toilet , mum was waiting outside( the toilets ) , the poor boy was raped .

Mum even saw the offender leave and didn’t know what had happened .

I hope that man got caught .

justanswerthephone · 14/06/2019 09:15

There was a huge thread not so long ago about this. General consensus was that anyone who took a child over about 4 to the toilet was a fucking idiot. The irony was strong on that thread.

It's obviously place dependent but I took mine until they were at least 10. It doesn't have to be a big deal; i just said 'oh I need a wee as well' and they had no idea I was only going along to ensure their safety.

I started DS in the disabled toilet when he was a bit younger; mainly because women look at you as if you are alien if you bring a boy over about 5 into the ladies; but he is autistic and couldn't safely toilet alone; he is now a teen and uses the gents; but he was about 14 before he was able to confidently manage that.

CallMeRachel · 14/06/2019 09:39

No, 6 is far too young to go unattended in a space where males can now access.

Aside from the issues of personal safety regarding the above, it's the hygiene too I'd be concerned about.

Public toilets tend to be filthy, contaminated with urine on the floor and seat, poo etc on loo roll and seat, yuk. I'd be there to check toilets first before allowing her to use one.

Pascha · 14/06/2019 09:46

Ds1 is 8and goes to most loos by himself with me just watching from a difference. Sometimes he takes his 6yr old brother along to the men's and I'm fine with that if it's somewhere enclosed (soft play, pool, restaurant etc).

If it's just me and ds2 he comes with me and uses his own cubicle in the ladies.

Pascha · 14/06/2019 09:47

*8 and
*distance

museumum · 14/06/2019 09:51

At 6 my ds only goes alone to the toilet in a few places we know we’ll and where know there’s one toilet and sink all in together and accessible so he can reach the sinks.
Most smaller places round here don’t have separate disabled people’s toilets but just have one that’s accessible to all.

isabellerossignol · 14/06/2019 09:56

Most of the public toilets that I come across these days are very clean. I don't recognize the description of them being covered in poo and with pools of urine on the floor. They're constantly being cleaned. Which is great obviously.

When I was a child they were much dirtier. And it was a rarity for them to have soap and hot water and hand dryers or paper towels.

RantyAnty · 14/06/2019 10:09

It used to be somewhat ok to do years ago. These days there are far too many weirdos/druggies around to take the risk of your child being assaulted, groped, etc.

My mum used to let me run around all over from a young age. I recall getting trapped in a toilet as the door was far too heavy to open. Finally a woman came in and I ran out. Lost in a wilderness camping area twice. Nearly drowned in a swimming area once.

xpc316e · 14/06/2019 10:18

The number of sexual assaults committed against young children in public toilets of any description is tiny compared with those that are perpetrated by adults whom the child knows and trusts.

I suspect those who are against letting young children go to the toilet alone had the same paranoia drummed into them when they were small. As soon as the child can do the paperwork to a reasonable standard on their own, they can go on their own as far as I am concerned. As for the poster who says that her daughter will be a teenager before she gets to go alone, well the mind boggles.

goodwinter · 14/06/2019 12:02

Are we talking about letting them go into the toilets themselves (with you waiting outside the door) or to also go off and find the toilets by themselves while you stay at the table?

goodwinter · 14/06/2019 12:03

JW because I think your OP is talking about the latter but many people seem to be discussing only the former

CountFosco · 14/06/2019 12:18

My DDs are 10 and 11. They have been going to the toilet by themselves in local cafes they were familiar with since they were about 5 or 6. I still go with them in larger places but as a PP said it's more a case of 'Oh, I need as well'. DH would maybe have a discussion with them about how comfortable they were ('do you know where you're going?') but since they are now allowed to walk to the local shop or to after school clubs by themselves it seems daft to restrict them going to the loo.

DS is a very short 6yo (about the height of a 3yo), I'll be taking him to the Ladies for as long as I can get away with it (suspect he'll rebel before other adults complain, my 11yo still looks about 8).

resipsa · 14/06/2019 12:40

Would anyone on here object to a man accompanying his 8 year old DD to the ladies if he stood in the main doorway and announced his arrival and its purpose, giving people the chance to object? I wouldn't but it has happened to my DH several times. It's tricky for parents with a child of this age who is a different gender.

RiversDisguise · 14/06/2019 12:44

resipsa Depending on the man and his manner and how quickly he got the fuck out of there, I would not object.

My husband won't do this as he does not want to cause distress to anyone who doesn't feel able to speak up, however.

resipsa · 14/06/2019 12:45

It'd be pretty quick! He takes no pleasure in public toilets Smile

Pinkmouse6 · 14/06/2019 12:48

My DS has only recently started doing it now he is nine and feels awkward about being in the women’s. I still feel anxious about him doing it. Six is far too young.

I went on holiday and lots of days out with my DF as a child and we always used the disabled loos to avoid this.

sugarbum · 14/06/2019 12:54

My youngest is 9. I can't bear him going to the gents alone, but I do let him if there is no other option. I think he is too old to bring into the women's toilet as he is big for his age.

My oldest is 12. He is adult sized and I don't have an issue with him going in.

justanswerthephone · 14/06/2019 12:57

Would anyone on here object to a man accompanying his 8 year old DD to the ladies if he stood in the main doorway and announced his arrival and its purpose, giving people the chance to object?

I wouldn't give a shit. However, I can totally see why many women might. It's not ok to stand at the doorway and announce your arrival. He should not be arriving at the ladies. What's his thinking around this?