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Original poster

What age for a DD to go public toilets on their own

147 replies

Eggshellnutmeg · 13/06/2019 21:13

This is in relationships as I am struggling with this conversation with my DH.

My DH has told my 6yo to go to the toilet on her own whilst out in public, once was a known venue where she has been many times, recently was a new venue but we were sat opposite the door in a restaurant, a toilet that she has never used before.

My view is that age is too young, heavy doors, locks and other adults not expecting a child to be stood the other side and opening a door onto her.

I wouldn’t want to see a bloodied nose or a hand hurt in a lock or hinge when it would have been just so easy to just have taken her to the toilet.

OP posts:
resipsa · 14/06/2019 13:02

Well, the disabled ones are for the disabled and she can't go into the gents at 8 so he saw this as an option when out with her. Now she goes alone and he stands near (not in) the door. There is still a problem when he's alone with the 4 year old though...

MsGee · 14/06/2019 13:07

I think 6 is too young, as there is just too much that can go wrong from taking a wrong turn or getting locked in the loo, or worried about queuing etc. There again, all depends on context - if in a safe, trusted venue it is good for them to build independence.

My DD is 11 and if we are somewhere new I tend to go with her first so that I can check its ok (although she has ASD, no sense of direction, and prone to struggling with locks...).

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 14/06/2019 13:10

Hell no. Far too young.

RiversDisguise · 14/06/2019 13:14

Resipsa- my husband took my DD into the gents if it was absolutely necessary.

Anothertempusername · 14/06/2019 13:14

10? They'll be going to secondary school next year Confused

AudacityOfHope · 14/06/2019 13:15

My 6 year old son goes on his own pretty often. If we're somewhere familiar, definitely.

BrieAndChilli · 14/06/2019 13:24

DD locked herself in a toilet cubicle when she was about 7, she had gone to a pub with a friend and her family. i think she was trapped in there for about 30 minutes while they tried to get her out, after that she wouldnt even go into a cubicle by herself! shes 10 now and has just stated going by herself.
DS2 age 8 goes into the mens with DS1 who is 12, but if its just us and is somewhere busy then he sometimes still comes in with me.

AwdBovril · 14/06/2019 13:30

If we're out with DD (7), usu I take her into the ladies, sometimes DH takes her to the mens - but only if it's all closed cubicles / urinals are less visible from the sinks. More usually, he will wait outside the ladies loos while she goes in. She's only been allowed in on her own for a couple of months though. She definitely prefers the ladies loos, apparently the mens loos smell! (Well, who'd have thought!)

xpc316e · 14/06/2019 13:35

As for the poster who read a newspaper story about a 9 year old boy who was raped in a public toilet and whose mother even watched the perpetrator leave - well, sorry to say, but I find it hard to believe that a mother waiting at the toilet entrance would first of all not wonder why her boy was taking so long and then investigate. Secondly, I find it hard to credit that she wouldn't be alerted by some noise as I cannot imagine the offence taking place in silence.

Even if it did happen, it is as daft as saying 'I once read a report about a 9 year old dying in a car crash, so my kid doesn't get to ride in vehicles'. You can insert the activity of your choice and a child somewhere at some time will have been harmed doing just that thing, but they cannot be wrapped in cotton wool for ever. If you could protect them from every danger, they would never learn how to judge and manage risk for themselves.

Happyspud · 14/06/2019 13:39

Depends on the venue but restaurant/cafe my 4 yr old takes herself off. If I can’t see the door I send my 6yr old son with her or she with him. So I guess I’m way more relaxed/negligent than most mumsnetters. The upside is I’ve very independent and able kids compared to many of their peers.

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2019 13:42

“It winds me up that anyone would object to a mum bringing a little boy to the loo tbh”

What age are you talking about?

Duskyy · 14/06/2019 13:44

I'd say around 9/10. I still go in with my 7 year old, and same cubicle if it's busy. If not she goes into cubicle alone next to me.

I did let her go into toilets alone in a known venue a few weeks ago but it was a one off and I was waiting outside with my youngest. It's unlikely it'll be happening again anytime soon.

SkinnyPete · 14/06/2019 13:50

I'm male with DD (approaching 9). She started going on her own with me outside the women's entrance about 6-9 months ago. If I had a DS, I'd probably still go in and wait outside the cubicle.

She's fiercely independent though, so I think it depends on each child really. It also depends where you are and use your own judgement. If the place is right, and she's happy to go on her own without me waiting outside the door, then that's OK too. I lean more towards caution must of the time though.

RedSkyLastNight · 14/06/2019 13:56

I think 6 or 7 is fine as long as the child is happy to go alone.
I think if it's a parent with opposite gender child it gets tricky after about age 8 - those who are talking about taking 10 year olds still, how do you manage this?

IndieTara · 14/06/2019 14:03

DD is 10 and has been going inon her own now for about 8 months

totorosfluffytummy · 14/06/2019 14:04

There's no reason for a child to ever go in a public toilet by themselves. You don't know who is in there.
If you are a dad with a daughter or a mum with her son you wait right outside the main doors. Otherwise you should be with your child.

Happyspud · 14/06/2019 14:07

A serious level of helicopter parenting going on!

Lollyice · 14/06/2019 14:10

Dd7 likes me to stand with my foot under the door if I'm outside or in the next cubicle. Ds4 won't go to the toilet by himself at home!
When they feel confident enough to go by themselves I guess.

sheshootssheimplores · 14/06/2019 14:14

I realised recently that my eldest is hitting the age where very soon it’s mumsnet verdict that he needs to be out of the women’s changing room for swimming. I’m not sure what the plan is as I’m really not keen on sending him into the men’s on his own to strip off. So quite honestly I’m not sure what the right age is for public toilets either 🤷‍♀️

totorosfluffytummy · 14/06/2019 14:24

This reply has been deleted

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BertrandRussell · 14/06/2019 14:31

Well, I would say not letting a nearly secondary age child go to the loo on their own is a bit helicoptery........

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2019 14:33

“I realised recently that my eldest is hitting the age where very soon it’s mumsnet verdict that he needs to be out of the women’s changing room for swimming.”

It’s not the Mumsnet verdict- it’s pool rules!

totorosfluffytummy · 14/06/2019 14:33

But it never happens does it Hmm

Horsesforcourses23 · 14/06/2019 14:37

To be honest my nephew is 9 and I won't let him go in the toilets on his own because I obviously can't go in to check if he is ok.

I was in a place a few weeks ago and there was a sign in there saying boys over the age of 8 would not be permitted in the ladies loo which I thought was disgraceful.