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Original poster

What age for a DD to go public toilets on their own

147 replies

Eggshellnutmeg · 13/06/2019 21:13

This is in relationships as I am struggling with this conversation with my DH.

My DH has told my 6yo to go to the toilet on her own whilst out in public, once was a known venue where she has been many times, recently was a new venue but we were sat opposite the door in a restaurant, a toilet that she has never used before.

My view is that age is too young, heavy doors, locks and other adults not expecting a child to be stood the other side and opening a door onto her.

I wouldn’t want to see a bloodied nose or a hand hurt in a lock or hinge when it would have been just so easy to just have taken her to the toilet.

OP posts:

smallereveryday · 14/06/2019 16:16

24 at the earliest. And then only if I , her mother was standing outside the door. !! How irresponsible of you all to consider such an activity before this age .

Do I win the competitive parent award ?

BlokeHereInPeace · 14/06/2019 16:37

Surely this is impossible to answer given the information provided. Like someone said, it depends on the child and the location.

RhubarbandGin · 14/06/2019 16:51

I can't get over people taking there 15 year old to the toilets. If I suggested it to my 15 year old she would laugh me out of the restaurant. She was about 7 when she went on her own, probably a bit younger if she went with a friend/sister.

Anothertempusername · 14/06/2019 17:17

@totorosfluffytummy the rest of us do keep our children safe thanks. Going into the cubicle with a child over 6-7 is over the top.

resipsa · 14/06/2019 18:18

Why the hysteria on here about an 'attack'? My concern is that my daughter feels safe and comfortable; not safe from attack but safe in the sense of a parent nearby. Children do feel safer that way, y'know, it's been established. So DH asked if anyone objected to his standing outside the cubicle or in the main door so she felt safe. If they did, he explained that he couldn't be there with her. Adult woman's right to feel safe trumps my daughter's? Well, I can live with that which is why he always asked first. Still better than her being exposed to urinals.

isabellerossignol · 14/06/2019 18:21

Adult woman's right to feel safe trumps my daughter's?

How do you feel about other female children in the toilets right to feel safe?

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2019 18:22

“So DH asked if anyone objected to his standing outside the cubicle or in the main door so she felt safe. If they did, he explained that he couldn't be there with her.”

Because it’s so easy for the sort of woman or girl who wouldn’t like it to say no, of course. .

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2019 18:25

Given a choice between an 8 year old girl wanting her dad outside the door of the cubicle so she feels safe in the women’s loo, and another 8 year old girl not feeling safe because there’s a strange adult man present-I know whose feeling of safety I would prioritise.

HermioneMakepeace · 14/06/2019 20:01

@resipsa Why on earth didn’t he just go to the disabled loo?

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2019 20:33

Actually, the more I think about this, the more pissed off i am by the colossal arrogance of an adult man thinking he has the right to stand in a woman’s loo because his daughter wants a parent close. Sod everyone else’s daughter, eh?

AvocadoYUK · 14/06/2019 21:21

Too young. I'm constantly worried as my daughters dad (my ex) says he cant go to the toilet around her (not even 2) like... would leave her outside the toilet if he goe.. fucking terrified about leaving her with him on her own incase he does it x

FartMachine · 14/06/2019 21:57

resipsa please tell your dh how inappropriate it is for him to ask women to do that. If he’s happy to stand by the main entrance to the ladies he can do that. I really can’t believe he is so lacking in awareness if women’s feelings that he feels it’s suitable to shout in a ladies loo that he’s coming in and does anyone have a problem. If your daughter objects then tell her why it’s inappropriate for her dad to go into the ladies.

I genuinely despair for women in threads like these. I hope it’s just people saying they insist on accompanying their kids until they’re 15 to wind people up. Because it’s fucking insanity.

isabellerossignol · 14/06/2019 22:05

Me too. I'm sick to death of girls and women coming second to everyone else.

resipsa · 14/06/2019 23:27

This is just silly debate for the sake of it. We are supposed to safeguard each other, including our daughters. He might have been clumsy but it was with good intention so why the vitriol? He didn't go to the disabled because neither of them are disabled. If someone else felt unsafe then that trumps it. End of debate. Gosh, I worry for all women of the future of this is our level. Why not focus on the OP's query?

Namechangenecessity · 14/06/2019 23:30

My DS now 20 came in the ladies with me for a good number of years.once he was older he went in the gents but I waited outside and watched like a hawk. I would never have left my 6 year old into any public WC on his own.

resipsa · 14/06/2019 23:30

Whoever 'despairs' for women as a result of my posts when using the word 'shouts' as justification when I used 'gently and politely' need only despair for herself and lack of ability to read, not appropriate her 'despair' for others who can. Be accurate or don't bother to comment.

resipsa · 14/06/2019 23:32

How do you feel about other female children in the toilets right to feel safe?

Very strongly. Why would a father looking after his daughter make anyone feel unsafe?

resipsa · 14/06/2019 23:36

And for those who so object to my husband's attempts to safeguard his child, what is the answer to the problem of a man out with a child who might be unsure about using public toilets alone?

resipsa · 14/06/2019 23:37

This is ironic, yes? Or are all other daughters more important than mine?

Me too. I'm sick to death of girls and women coming second to everyone else.

isabellerossignol · 14/06/2019 23:37

Very strongly. Why would a father looking after his daughter make anyone feel unsafe?

Because he is a stranger to other little girls. But you know that surely?

resipsa · 14/06/2019 23:40

But not to her or does she just not matter in your 'I'm so right on' diatribe?

resipsa · 14/06/2019 23:41

Would you prioritise a stranger over your own child? Really?

crazycatgal · 14/06/2019 23:41

When I was a child if my dad needed to he took me into the gents, I didn't get scarred for life seeing a urinal. My dad certainly wouldn't have walked into the ladies announcing that he was coming in.

What about anyone hard of hearing already in the toilets or people coming in after the announcement seeing a man in there? They're going to feel intimidated wondering what the hell he's doing in there.

isabellerossignol · 14/06/2019 23:43

It's not a diatribe at all. But your posts come down to 'my child is more important than other children'.

I'm not suggesting prioritising strangers, I'm suggesting giving some consideration to them.

resipsa · 14/06/2019 23:44

FFS peeps - read the posts - don't rely on those who relay the content inaccurately to promote their response! As if he'd just go in there!

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