Husband said I’m too fat and unattractive

[Lizz1986]

My husband told me that I was getting bigger and was less attractive. A week later he told me that he would never touch me again if I gained a lot of weight after having a baby. He hasn’t initiated sex in years and wouldn’t look sideways at me if I was changing my clothes. We’ve been married for 7 years and don’t have children. At this point I’m devastated. We’ve been separated for 6 months and he wants me back. Part of me misses him and wants to go back but I also don’t want a physical relationship with him after those hurtful words. Any advice? I can’t keep going on like this.

Also should mention that I’m 5’7” and size 6. He’s now trying to convince me that he doesn’t care about weight but I’m hesitant to believe him. Please help...

Just in case you're still in two minds about going back to him - RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

[deep breath] and -

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Loose the excess weight OP .. Dump him!

You can do so much better and you deserve so much better!
🌷

Mention to him it's a shame his cock isn't bigger and how you wished he lasted a lot longer then a few minutes

Kick this man into touch. There are nice men out there but he isn't one of them.

LTB

You already did. NEVER go back to this man.

I start to look too slim when I’m a size 10 and I’m the same height as you. He’s an abusive wanker, please don’t take him back.

WTAF??? I'm 5'9" and when I was 8 1/2 stone and a size 8 I looked like a bloody skeleton. Your "D" h is an utter dick.

He is dangerous.

Run

I wish I was a size 6. He's an arsehole!!

I always get a bit suspicious of a poster when they end their post with a “please help”...

Please don't go back. This sounds really controlling and abusive. OP are you pregnant?

So he's attracted to bones.

Ok then.

Maybe stay broken up.

Sally Challens husband that she killed with a hammer constantly called her fat too when she wasnt. After years of coercive control she battered him to death.
Take a long hard look at the future of this relationship. This pillock will not be loyal to you when you get old or sick. Get in there first and dump the idiot.
Make sure you tell him it's because hes too ugly for you and you can't bear to look at him anymore.

He is abusive.

Even if you were a UK size 16 he would have absolutely no right to tell you that you were ''too fat and unattractive''.

Please start watching clips on you tube about abusers. I really love Meredith Miller Inner INtegration. She tells you how to DEAL with abusive gaslighting narcissistic types.

I agree with PPs, if you've made the initial break, don't go back. Stay free. Your self-esteem will recover from this if you do not go back to him and work on raising your self-worth.

Thanks for the overwhelming support! Sometimes I was feeling like I was just being too sensitive. I found all your responses and advice very helpful!

Make him your ex husband and quick.

You deserve so much better OP!

Can you tell us what he looks like? Somehow I think he's not in great shape himself.

A week later he told me that he would never touch me again if I gained a lot of weight after having a baby. He hasn’t initiated sex in years ..

So what was going to change then?

Sounds like he has no sex drive or erectile dysfunction or is asexual or gay, or who knows ..

I knew a couple at uni with a girl who was so thin I thought she looked almost anorexic, he turned out to be gay.

He's an abuser.

It should never be like that, tell him to take a hike, he will destroy you. Love is very very different to what you're experiencing.

Fuck him

I know of someone who stayed really thin to please her husband (a high-ranking military man). She broke her leg and it turned out she had severe osteoporosis due to constant extreme dieting. The military hospital wanted to amputate her leg as it wouldn’t set (luckily she got treatment at a different hospital which saved the leg).

Back on the baby/family front - it would actually make it harder for you to get pregnant if you're not within s healthy weight range for your height.

Also you'd feel pressured not to put on weight during the pregnancy, to the possible detriment of the baby.

There was a poster on here who had an abusive partner who bullied her about weight and when she fell pregnant said she'd look terrible 'fat' etc. She didn't eat enough to maintain a healthy weight on order to stay 'skinny' during the pregnancy. I remember thinking, even as a foetus, he was already abusing his child too. Making it harder to get nutrients.

I believe the baby was ok, but it was still one of the most sickening, sad things I'd read on here.

*Making it harder for the baby to get nutrients.

You're out of it, don't get sucked back in and waste more of your life with this man. It won't get better, it'll get worse and if you have children with him you're going to be very vulnerable. You have a chance now to move on with a clean slate and find someone decent to build a life with. x