Husband said I’m too fat and unattractive

[Lizz1986]

My husband told me that I was getting bigger and was less attractive. A week later he told me that he would never touch me again if I gained a lot of weight after having a baby. He hasn’t initiated sex in years and wouldn’t look sideways at me if I was changing my clothes. We’ve been married for 7 years and don’t have children. At this point I’m devastated. We’ve been separated for 6 months and he wants me back. Part of me misses him and wants to go back but I also don’t want a physical relationship with him after those hurtful words. Any advice? I can’t keep going on like this.

Also should mention that I’m 5’7” and size 6. He’s now trying to convince me that he doesn’t care about weight but I’m hesitant to believe him. Please help...

I knew this would be from someone slim -- these weirdo men who think anything much bigger than a skeleton is obese are disturbing imo.

A US size 6 is a size 8-10 here in the UK.

Stay separated. Divorce the loser and lose 150 pounds.

Third time lucky?

Some of us would say that 5'6 and size 6 - you could probably do with adding a few pounds.
I agree with everyone else saying - ditch the horrible man and loose 12stone permanently.

I'm fat i know it-the only tme my dh said something was when he was concerned about my health not in a dergoratory way
Your ex is a wanker

You are nowhere near fat, not that it’s relevant! Stay away from him!

Oh dear god OP, noooooo don’t take this sack of shit back.

Don't get back with him. You deserve better. And he knows it. Hence him crawling back. Fuck him right off.

Even if you were the size of a whale I would tell you not to take him back. Honestly, if he is that much of a dick now and you are thin and don’t have kids he’s going to turn into a monster once you have children and your body changes/you are both stressed out and or tired.

Don't go back to him and spend some time single for a while. Build your confidence and get to know the new you before you get involved again.

How much you do or don’t weight is not the point. What’s is, is the fact that he said such belittling, unkind, unloving words to you in the first place. He didn’t say these things by accident: these words are a reflection of the kind of unpleasant bully he is. Ask yourself why you think you might want to get back together with someone who clearly thinks so little of you.
And what’s thisa bout to wanting sex for the majority of the time you have been together?
Really, none of this sounds healthy OP, certainly not the basis for a good relationship!

I'm a plump lump, and my husband loves me and doesn't give a shit about my size (which varies!). You deserve better, and your value isn't dictated by your clothes size. Get rid.

Valenta is exactly right.

Run. Fast.

Fuck that. I am 5'7 too ( I think... 1m72 anyway) for a UK size 14, US size 10. If my husband had a problem with it I would show him the door. A caring comment about healthy diet and exercise is fine. Your partner is trying to control you. Nope.

Step back from the situation a second OP.

He's bullied you about your looks.

He's convinced you that you need to change, not him, and then you two can work as a couple.

He's not willing to compromise on what your emotional needs are.

This is so unbelievably NOT about weight OP, it's about disrespect and nastiness. It's just even worse because you are slim anyway!

Do you really want to still be with a man like this in a year? Five years? Ten years?

Leave now if not, your self confidence will just continue to plummet the more time you spend with this cunty wanker.

Please for the love of god do not have a child with this man.

@FurryDogMother love the term plump lump :)

OP you ARE still gorgeous and deserve to be cherished. If he's got all these hangups about sex you wouldn't get very far with trying for a baby!

You have not had sex for years, the man has huge problems which are not your fault. Go find yourself a better man when you feel ready.

There is something very very wrong with him. Do NOT take him back. He will end up dragging you down into a shit life of despair and depression. Stay strong and want better for yourself. Now you’ve got away from him, he’s enjoying the chase. He doesn’t really want you. He just wants to prove that he can get you. He’s a psycho.

Why did you stay with him for 7+ years?
How did your first husband treat you? And your parents?
You need to stay separated, get a divorce, and probably get counselling.
Are you in the US? I wonder if they have the Freedom Programme there.

I can only think of one thing worse than a reconciliation with this cunt-spangle and that’s having a child/REN with him. Please put yourself at the top of a things to take care of list

Agree with mybeebop. He'll say whatever he feels like to keep you on your toes. He can't bare to look at you. You're too fat. He'll love you at any size... He's verbally kicking you around a bit, then reeling you back in when he's worried that you're out of his grasp and he's losing power over you. He might mean everything he says, or none of it. Either way, he's keeping you doubting yourself and it's a very unhealthy dynamic.

Nw imagine, you did go back to him and by some miracle, he managed to get it up and you decided to grin and bear it and you ended up pregnant. You'd be back to him going on about pregnancy making you fat and (in his opinion) ugly. You'd probably do pregnancy wrong and you'd most definitely do motherhood wrong. In actual fact you'd no doubt be a brilliant mother but he knows he can hurt you by telling you these things. He'd get a kick out of it.

He doesn't love you. He most definitely does not respect you.He just considers you to be a prize possession.

Lizz1986
Please take yourself out of the equation and imagine someone is telling you, "My husband told me I'm getting bigger and not attractive". What would you say? Honestly?

This man has horrible problems and is playing you. Nothing good will come of any contact with him of any kind.

No decent person would ever say the things to you that your husband has said. It's as simple as that really. Don't you think you deserve to be with someone decent? How would you feel if you had children with this man and he started attacking them for their (perceived) weight?

No freedom program over there, though i don't know if the online version would be available.
This looks a useful link
www.womenslaw.org/find-help/federal/emotional-abuse

What Pickachew said - with bells on. Two ex's of mine had issues with my weight - I was a size 12-14 at the time. Never ever ever again will I allow someone to make me feel the way they did. Run OP and fast - no good can come from it.