Husband said I’m too fat and unattractive

[Lizz1986]

My husband told me that I was getting bigger and was less attractive. A week later he told me that he would never touch me again if I gained a lot of weight after having a baby. He hasn’t initiated sex in years and wouldn’t look sideways at me if I was changing my clothes. We’ve been married for 7 years and don’t have children. At this point I’m devastated. We’ve been separated for 6 months and he wants me back. Part of me misses him and wants to go back but I also don’t want a physical relationship with him after those hurtful words. Any advice? I can’t keep going on like this.

Also should mention that I’m 5’7” and size 6. He’s now trying to convince me that he doesn’t care about weight but I’m hesitant to believe him. Please help...

Er, he wants you back and thinks that the way to achieve this is by telling you he doesn't find you attractive?

If this is what he's like when he's trying to win you back, what on earth will he be like when he reckons he's got you trapped again?

It really doesn’t matter what size you happen to be, it still wouldn’t be right for him to say that to you. Why on Earth are you even considering going back to him? I’d never beg for anyone to be attracted to me - if he thinks he can do so much better than me, he’s welcome to walk the talk.

First off all, does he have a black eye?

Second of all you should stay single, or at least start looking elsewhere, he is not worth even a sideways glance from you.

Yup, I’m a size 6

Don't go back for the simple reason that he's an idiot to call a size 6 fat.

Tbh even if that's a typo and you're a size 16, he's still an idiot.

Get far, far away from him, he's an arsehole and he's warping your view of your body

He is absolutely dreadful!

I agree that he's trying to ruin your self esteem and push you into an eating disorder....run like the wind op he's batshit!

Also this....

If this is what he's like when he's trying to win you back, what on earth will he be like when he reckons he's got you trapped again?

He said all that when we were together...I kicked him out after. Now he’s saying I could gain lots of weight and he’d still love me but of course I’m sceptical.

You don't need to be around abusive people.

Do you hurt people when you feel angry? Or do you say 'I feel angry/upset about xxx' - in order to negotiate a solution?

Exactly. You don't need this hurtful twat in your life.

Is that a US size 6 or UK? The US size 6 is equivalent to UK size 10, which is still slim for someone who's 5'7".

Do not get back together with him. He's a total twat and abusive to boot. You are worth a lot more.

Definitely a US size 6!!

He was purposefully spiteful and lashed out to specifically make you feel like shit. No one should have a partner like that, don't go back to him. You can find someone to cherish you, but only if you sack off this loser

Now he says that I am attractive but should I believe him? I don’t want to have a family with him and then get caught in the same situation all over again. I know I shouldn’t go back but it’s hard...

I wouldn't go back, not a fucking chance, he sounds nasty

You are 5ft 7 and a size 6.

You are tiny!

He is an abusive arse who has realised how good he had it at home (I bet he did sod all!) and that now you've parted he has noone to play mummy to him.

You are well rid of him my darling! You are worth a thousand times more than him.

"[...] he doesn't care about weight." Rubbish. He said such hurtful things to a woman who is skinny as anything (not that he should even if you were bigger!) and is trying to backtrack to get back in with you. He is not worth a moment of your time!

Size 6 or 10 at 5ft 7 that is still slim and not at all fat. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like him.

Now he’s saying I could gain lots of weight and he’d still love me but of course I’m sceptical.

You're sceptical because you know it's lies. He used your weight as a reason to ridicule and demean you. That's not something you do to someone you love. He's a cock and you need to stay separated from him for the sake of your own self esteem.

I'm 5'4" and due to a horrific bout of ill health I'm a size 6. I have put a stone + on with very hard work.

I looked terrible at my thinnest. I could pull that weight off at 21 but at 45, not so much.

My legs are still like sparrow's. I've always been reasonably thin (genes, not anything else and not a stealth boast) but even at 8 stone I reckon I need at least half another stone to look well.

"I know I should go back" - why? He's so nasty - run fast and look after yourself OP x

Doesn’t matter what size you are, you don’t say that to someone that you love.

Nasty man, this has gaslighting all over it - STAY WELL AWAY AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE! Good luck!

A US 6 = a UK 10.

A man who claims that is fat = an undeserving cunt.

Run. Please. For the fucking hills.

He's gaslighting you. Things won't improve.

My abusive ex said the same to me when I was a size 12

I left him

Lost 15 stone overnight and never been happier